Mike Ditka Has Lost His Mind (And The Rest Of Your Monday Night In Quotes)

Last week, it was a double shot of Emmitt, and this week's MNF Video of the Night features Mike Ditka going crazy at random times during the second half of last night's Broncos-Raiders contest! But before we get to that nonsense, I have to talk about that double-header that went down last night.

The main team of MNFers spent a lot of time during the offseason trying to fix issues that have been bothering fans over the past two years. And while I applaud them for trying, last night's game was just as bad as ever. There were no guests, there weren't a lot of fancy graphics taking up the screen, but once again a certain #4 Quarterback was mentioned probably over a hundred and fifty times during the broadcast. I just don't think it crossed their mind that the entire network has just shoved this down our throat for an entire Summer. You would think they would have learned when the same thing happened with Mike Vick two years ago, but I guess not.

I understand that they have to bring him up, but you can really get all of that out of your system in the first quarter. The problem as I've stated many times though is never with Tirico or Jaws, but rather Kornheiser. When both the lead and the second analyst are noticeably bothered by hearing his name in the second half, someone has to tell Tony to shut about about whatever topic he's beating to death. Good for Tirico for finally say something, but that didn't come until the fourth quarter. If the Packers can move on ESPN, so can you.

As far as the second team, just please never subject us to those three again. I could easily be considered one of the worst broadcasts ever if it wasn't for the same three's performance in last year's opener. I think that, and this video, tells you all you need to know.



The amount of ooohs" and "oh gods" that came out Ditka probably rivaled the Favre mentions by the end of the night, but teeth sucking and analysis is what drove me crazy. He did this the ENTIRE GAME! I think Ditka is a smart guy, and that he knows his Football, but he really doesn't belong anywhere near a mic. I normally take the morning to re-watch some of the game, and let it all sink in, but I didn't need to today....that game was just dreadful. Onto the quotes before I get mad....
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Game One:

"Hi Brett, Hi Diana."- Mike Tirico

"I call this the great gamble of the 2008 season. It's like John McCain picking Sarah Palin."- Tony Kornheiser

"Last year he was the Rookie of the Year and he went over a million yards like nine times."- Tony Kornheiser on Peterson

"He sits and listen when people like me talk about him."- Tony Kornheiser
"Especially you talking about him."- Ron Jaworski
"I know nothing!"- Tony Kornheiser

"That's exactly the kind of pass Favre would have thrown. Does it remind you of him at all?"- Tony Kornheiser
"Yes, but you've got to let it go, Tony."- Ron Jaworski

"It's all about penetration." - Ron Jaworski

"I'm going to put a Favre moratorium on the Second Half. You only get five mentions!"- Mike Tirico

"Our cheese curds are saltier than your cheese curds."- Tony Kornheiser on the battle of Minnesota and Wisconsin

"Driver! He got Winfield to bite, and says 'good night!'" - Mike Tirico

"He was too pooped to leap."- Tony Kornheiser after Will Blackmon's punt return TD

"And the Packers saying to the Jets if you trade him at all you lose you first born for fifty three years or something like that."- Tony Kornheiser on the Jets and Vikings collusion

"Lollipop yes, Lazer no."- Mike Tirico on how to punt

"It's a great storyline, it's a great point, but let's not do this week after week."- Mike Tirico on the Favre discussion in the fourth quarter

"We get the Packers twice more on Monday night."- Tony Kornheiser

Game Two:

"He's got a hole...here he comes!"- Mike Greenberg

"Great cutback, but he cutback into all problems."- Mike Ditka not making sense

"And bear in mind that the yellow line isn't actually on the field. The referees don't see that."- Mike Greenberg

"When he rolls out, he goes to that side of the ride."- Mike Golic not making sense

"Stupid is, as stupid does."- Mike Ditka quoting Forrest Gump

"You remember what happened when Eddie Pipp got hurt? A guy named Lou Gehrig took over."- Mike Ditka getting mixed up

"Oh they were all moving."- Mike Greenberg
"Oh just end the half!"- Mike Golic

"He asked me if I HAVE any answers."- Suzy Kolber on Lane Kiffin

"You got to sue the offensive line for non-support"- Mike Ditka not making any sense

"He's not going to stay with a guy that fast."- Mike Golic
"He looked like a traffic cop there."- Mike Ditka not making any sense

"Great play calling, I can't tell you anything else. Very hard."- Mike Ditka not making any sense

"Can't make chicken salad out of chicken noodle" - Mike Ditka not making any sense

"That's a great run right there. That's a great two yard run. That's a great run because there was nowhere to run."- Mike Ditka not making any sense

"The kid Chris Johnson was drafted in the fourth round."- Mike Ditka on the first round draft pick, Johnson

"Touchdown Raiders!!!!!!! Raider Nation goes wild."- Mike Ditka freaking out
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Let's just thank god that's over and that like Tony said, we only have to see the Packers on Monday Night Football two more times this year! Wait what? Oh fuck me. Oh and ESPN...please, please add a down and distance marker to the screen somewhere. I'm all for the new look but it was maddening to wait for the snap to finally see where the ball was. Most people look for the yardage right after the play, so I'm also going to need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday and take care of that. Thannnnks.

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