Jose Canseco on the benefits of becoming a vampire
Much like his predecessor Charlie Sheen, Jose Canseco was able to play the viral Entertaining Crazy Person card for a brief while like a shooting star flashing brilliantly across the sky before fading back into the darkness.
This is your reminder that Jose Canseco is still a crazy person, and still trying to squeeze every ounce out of that crazy he can. In his regular Vice column (yes, Jose Canseco has a regular column on anything from time travel to gun control), Canseco opined on Lance Armstrong and steroids, and decided to throw in his thoughts on living as a vampire as sort of a bonus dose of insanity. I smell... Pulitzer?
"Nothing organic lives forever. It’s an impossibility. But, given the opportunity, I’d definitely want to live for hundreds of years. Who the hell wants to die? I’m a huge sci-fan fan, and I love vampire movies. One thing I never understood is why anyone wouldn’t want to be bitten by a vampire. It’s like, what the fuck? Are you kidding me? I’d become a vampire in a heartbeat. They’re immortal, they can fly, and they can time-travel… what’s so bad about wanting to become one? What’s the worst thing that can happen? You have to eat a few people now and then? That’s not so bad. The only downfall I can think of is that you’d outlive your children, but, of course, you’d do your best to make sure they became immortal vampires too."
Ya know, he's actually got a point. Being a vampire and living forever and eating a person here or there wouldn't actually be so bad. After all, Tim McCarver seems to have done pretty well for himself all these years.
[Vice]
