We've felt it our duty here at AA to keep you all aware of the latest on Craig James' ill-fated Senate run in Texas. We've already seen James' laughable political ads, covered the fact that he's polling at about 4% with unfavorable numbers through the roof, and looked at the threats of perjury from Mike Leach's attorney.
But what we haven't heard much of, especially with regards to the Mike Leach fallout, is the defense of Craig James' alleged actions from... Craig James. On Wednesday, James changed that by appearing on the radio in the place where he is least popular - Lubbock, Texas. That's the home of Mike Leach's former employer Texas Tech. The full interview is online at KFYO if you can stomach James talking about balanced budgets and mayonnaise sandwiches. But, from our own suffering through the interview along with the help of Tom Benning from the Dallas Morning News, enjoy the best (or is it worst) from the mayor of "Real Street" below:
"I'd wake up in the middle of the night looking at the ceiling thinking about our foreign policy."
-Obviously, Craig James was such a crappy football analyst because he was distracted by our trade deficit with China and transpiring events in the Euro Zone. I wonder if Vladimir Putin ever wakes up in the middle of the night thinking about the spread offense.
"There's some people who won't understand. There's some people, if they wouldn't defend their own son, I don't want their vote. I don't want to run with those kind of people."
-You heard it, Craig James doesn't want your vote non-believers! This works out well because nobody apparently wants to vote for Craig James either.
"You know how many big, high-profile people have come and gone at ESPN because of poor judgment. Had I done anything remotely close to any of these things that have been alleged and said by Mike Leach, ESPN would've gotten rid of me a long time ago."
-People at ESPN with poor judgement? You don't say. Well, I guess there was this guy. And this guy. And this guy. Of course, if the reports about James harassing the Texas Tech coaching staff are true, James should have been gotten rid of by ESPN on the spot. It's times like this you wish ESPN had an independent voice who would fulfill their promise to explore the controversy surrounding James' employment at the network. Moving on!
"I don't feel uncomfortable at all in Lubbock...I've owned ranch land, I get it. I understand the culture of West Texas."
-Own a ranch, automatically you are a perfect fit in West Texas. Eat ranch dressing on anything, you understand the culture of West Texas. Why wouldn't Craig James feel uncomfortable in Lubbock? Mike Leach is stuck in Pullman, Washington... a long way from any equipment sheds to throw James or his petulant kid into.
"What's right is right and what's wrong is wrong and it's never right to do wrong... I've got a backbone and i will stand against evil every time."
-This is one of those campaign slogans that the Pony has begun using in ads and on the campaign trail. Instead of sounding full of integrity, it's just laughable when faced with all of the evidence stacked against James and his involvement in Mike Leach's dismissal. It's like if Craig James says this meaningless crap enough, it will actually become true. You also have to love James lumping in Mike Leach with generic evil like communists, the devil, or the Boogeyman.
"Mike leach did what he did... he'll have to own up to the truth in a court of law."
-If anything has become clear, it's that James' "Real Street" is truly a land of delusion. Clearly, despite all the reports to the contrary, James still believes he has done nothing wrong regarding his career at ESPN and his documented involvement with Leach's firing. Once the Senate campaign is over, a possible lawsuit featuring James, Leach, Texas Tech, and ESPN may still be in the cards. And the prospect of that might finally bring James back from "Real Street" to the real world.