Yesterday we announced Decision 2012, the biggest election in the history of the blogosphere. Your chance to decide whether or not AA legend Craig James retains his place on our esteemed Mount Rushmore. It won't be easy though. Senator James will have to hold off three challengers, each one battling through a tough primary season to reach the final stage.
The final primary stars the pundits and commentators that live to make you hate-watch them. Arguments don't have to make sense to win ratings. For each primary, you'll see a list of candidates, their credentials, platform for America, and a campaign video from their past that may influence your vote.
The Embrace Debate Party
"Why solve our country's problems when we can just argue incessantly about them?"
Candidate: Skip Bayless
Credentials: First Take troll, high school basketball icon
Campaign Video: "What the hell is that?"
Candidate: Stephen A. Smith
Credentials: ESPN analyst (?), reporter (?), yeller (!)
Platform: LOUD NOISES!!!!!
Campaign Video: "This hurts me to say this."
Candidate: Rick Reilly
Credentials: ESPN columnist/burglar
Campaign Video: "Outsmarted by Mike Golic"
Candidate: Colin Cowherd
Credentials: ESPN radio and SportsNation host, bloviator, lazy stereotyper
Platform: Sell the Midwest and any non-coastal land to France, deport all non-elites to Canada
Campaign Video: "You're bringing it on yourself."
Candidate: Rob Parker
Credentials: ESPN antagonizer, opponent of advanced statistics and logic
Platform: GET THE NERDS!!!!
Campaign Video: "A disgrace to the profession"
Candidate: Jason Whitlock
Credentials: Fox Sports columnist, purveyor of terrible racial jokes, The Wire's #1 fan
Platform: The Wire
Campaign Video: "The Wire"
Candidate: Mike Francesa
Credentials: WFAN radio host, king of New York sports talk, curmudgeon
Platform: Make the more lax European vacation schedule mandatory for all employers.
Campaign Video: "Naptime"
Vote for your favorite candidate!
Oh goodness this is a tough one. It's hard for me to not vote for Skip B or Stephen A, but either option leaves Sleepy Mike off of the list.
Too many strong candidates here, in soccer parlance, this is the group of death.
@awfulannouncing ...I want to vote for all of them. This is much more fun/more difficult than the real election