If you're familiar with these parts, you'll know CBS college basketball analyst Clark Kellogg is the king of bizarre analogies. That's not to say Kellogg is a bad announcer, far from it. It's just that he uses some really unique phraseology when calling a game. Realllllllllllllly unique phraseology.
Usually, Clark's analogies of choice involve food - the basketball is never a basketball, it's either a "pumpkin" or an "orange." Players don't foul out, they're "Dairy Queen'd." Don't think Clark is one dimensional though - a multi-dimensional player can be an "Allen Wrench." Earlier this year he even tried to introduce the word "gracile" to the basketball lexicon.
Today in Columbus though, Kellogg took his analogy game to... well, I don't even know how to describe where this is in the announcing lexicon. Just wait till you hear how he described Indiana star Victor Oladipo throwing it down on the Buckeyes...
“I tell you what, Victor Oladipo is like a baby’s bottom, smooth and SOMETIMES… EXPLOSIVE!”
Yep, that's a college basketball analyst comparing a player to a pooping baby.
The crazy thing is, it's actually a compliment.
Video via Big Ten Network
@awfulannouncing FYI, he's used that line before. He used it in a Big Ten game in the mid-late 90's. I wish I remember the player and team.
@awfulannouncing I knew EXACTLY what he meant. Vividly. For us #buckeyes, that dunk was a complete blowout.
@awfulannouncing Strange...but it worked. Fathers of young babies watching the game from home knew exactly what he was talking about.
@terryalawrence ->“@awfulannouncing: Clark Kellogg: "Victor Oladipo is like a baby’s bottom, smooth and SOMETIMES… EXPLOSIVE!!”
“@awfulannouncing: Clark Kellogg: "Victor Oladipo is like a baby’s bottom, smooth and SOMETIMES… EXPLOSIVE!!” Hahahah