Dick Stockton makes a charge this week with a great showing in the Straight Outta Stockton vote to extend his lead.  Chris Berman and Brian Billick also highlight this week's list.  Down to the last month of the season, and this week's group of Dickies winners may be the most enjoyable yet.  The envelope, please...

10) "if that was a pass down the field it would have been pass interference" - Phil Simms (via dmitsch15) describing a block on a punt return.

9) "Brandon 'Our Prices Are In' Saine" - Chris Berman (via CMehring) jumping the shark for 17 years running.

8) "Tom Brady is half quarterback, half coach, half coordinator." - Rich Gannon, no wonder Brady's so good, he's 1.5 people! (via markgoodman10)

7) "This is an aroused Cardinals defense we are seeing here today." - Dick Stockton (via PTNetherton)  Eww...

6) In summary, today Brian Billick has called Jared Allen "Gerald", Brian Dawkins "Darryl Dawkins", and Big Ben as "Roethlisbooger." Amazing. (via AA)

5) "Arian Foster Houstonian for beer" - Chris Berman (via AA) in the most bizarre Australian accent known to humankind.

4) "Hand off to Wells! Kolb can't find any one. Incomplete." - Dick Stockton (via TheBrain2177)

3) "You see a lot of head coaches handle the playcalling but you don't see a lot of head coaches handle the playcalling" - Jim Mora (via ShutdownLine)

2) "They should let Michael Vick take a shot at the end zone here." - Brian Billick from Broncos/Vikings (via sctvman)

1) John Lynch: "Dez Bryant slipped there." 
Dick Stockton: "Yeah, and so did Dez Bryant. You wonder if there's a problem." (via SportsByDallas)

Week 13 Top 5 -

1) Dick Stockton 75 pts

2) Brian Billick 47 pts

3) Phil Simms 46.5 pts

4) Jon Gruden 44 pts

5) Mike Tirico 28 pts

Others receiving votes - Chris Berman 23 pts, Dave Lapham 14 pts, Jim Mora 14 pts, Dan Dierdorf 13 pts, Rich Gannon 12 pts, Joe Buck 11 pts, Cris Collinsworth 11 pts, Terry Bradshaw 10 pts, Scott Hanson 10 pts, Jim Nantz 10, Dan Fouts 8.5 pts, Bob Griese 8.5 pts, Troy Aikman 8 pts, Dan Patrick 7 pts, Mike Mayock 6 pts, Daryl Johnston 5 pts, Tim Ryan 5 pts, Al Michaels 4.5, Bob Costas 4 pts, Warren Moon 3 pts, Marv Albert 3 pts, Keyshawn Johnson 3 pts, Chad Pennington 2 pts, Thom Brennaman 2 pts, Tony Siragusa 1 pt, Ron Jaworski 1 pt.

You can check out the Week 14 NFL announcing schedule here.

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Good news for those goofy kids from Angels In The Outfield, your team is now stacked. In just a couple of hours they've spent north of 300 million on contracts for Albert Pujols and C.J. Wilson.

Also, GREAT news for those of you who enjoy awkward TV moments. Ravech, Kruk and Francona were on the set discussing the massive moves the Angels made live on SportsCenter. If you see at the beginning of the clip, Ravech is fiddling on his phone. Nope, he's not playing Angry Birds. Ravech was apparently in contact with Wilson's representative and just decided to ring him up on the air. I thoroughly enjoyed an obviously flabbergasted Francona looking around frantically and making jokes as he's only been on the job for just under a week now. Ravech did get some good information, the Angels signed Wilson for 77.5 million.

The New Yorker has an interesting read about where Jon Gruden's career is at today and some entertaining behind the scenes information about Monday Night Football. Even though the piece is 98% about Gruden, a quote from Jaws was easily my highlight of the article. Jaws said and repeats, trying to sell himself on what he's actually saying, "call me crazy, but I’m really excited for Tyler Palko tonight.” And who could blame Jaws? Falco, that scrappy quarterback out of San Dimas High School, was getting his shot for the Chiefs on the big stage. Wait. Tyler Palko? He wasn't talking about the fictional movie character, Shane Falco? Well then, Jaws you are crazy.

Another interesting thing I learned was that in 2001, People Magazine named Gruden one of the "most beautiful people." I called shenanigans on the New Yorker until I dug this goody up. My only explanation of Gruden being named one of the "most beautiful people" is that there sure must have been a lot of uggos roaming around back then. Gruden also has some peculiar idiosyncrasies such as waking up each morning at precisely 3:17 AM and being the founder of the F.F.C.A (Fired Football Coaches Association), which is apparently real and not a made up thing that actually meets. 

Even though I've cherry picked a few of the bizarre points of this lengthy piece, it's actually a really informative article about the immense preparation he does for MNF and if his future is in the booth or on the sidelines. The tireless work ethic of football coaches is pretty renowned for inundating a coach until they are burned out. Gruden isn't coaching a team anymore, but he hasn't radically altered the way he prepares for the next game. Even though this guy (pointing thumbs at self) would never call Gruden one of my favorite announcers, it's refreshing the change of tone MNF telecasts has taken in recent years. In the years before Gruden, the most prestigious game of the week was dumbed down to an almost insulting degree to the viewers. While he might never say a bad word about anyone on the field, at least we can be confident the announcers know what they are talking about. And shit, isn't that the most important thing?

[New Yorker]

Shaq has always been one of the most entertaining sports stars on and off the court, but his teaser ad for the return of the NBA season is something that will remind you of what to look forward to come December.

Being that most of the American population is so fixated on football right now, missing the NBA during its lockout was something that never really came to a boil. Which is why networks like TNT are looking for creative ways to remind us all of what we may have missed out on so far this year; Shaq analyzing basketball games.

Besides the embarrassing attempt at a rap career, Shaq brilliant dances and sings his way through a “get ready ‘cause here I come” themed video set to introduce the future HOFer in his first job behind a desk at TNT.

While the jury is still out on his actual analytical skills, there is no doubt he will bring plenty of entertainment value to TNT’s NBA Thursday coverage... especially if Chuck and Shaq throwdown like this.

H/T Yardbarker

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Mark Schlereth is a bit of a polarizing guy. A bit boisterous at times, he's been low hanging fruit to be mocked by the blogosphere and Twitterverse. 

On today's show, Schlereth attempted to show off his comedic and singing chops in one comprehensive and majestic sonnet, which oddly enough ended with a reference to Vanilla Ice.

I'd recommend Schlereth to not quit his day job....wait actually...that works too.

Posting might be light the next couple of days as many of us at AA have requested mental health days when this news came across our desks.  While not terribly shocking given the numbers Cowherd pulls across ESPN, there is still a knee jerk reaction of "Are you serious?"

ESPN employs a massive amount of on air talent, the bulk of which is pretty stellar. But there also seems to be a portion of that talent that falls into a "They're soo bad they're good" strategy. Woody Paige and Skip Bayless are other long term ESPN personalities that seem to fit into this bucket.  

While they certainly have their audience and moments, a lot of their shtick is "What will they say next?" as sports talk radio has proven that asinine and outrageous musings can inexplicably retain an audience.

A four year deal with ESPN isn't very common, but given the amount of programs and platforms Cowherd is involved with, ESPN decided to stretch out this extension.

I personally reacted to the news by loosening my tie and pouring myself a drink (not really), but given Matt's documented disdain of Cowherd, I picture his reaction to the news similar to this.   

Today the Baseball Hall of Fame selected the winner of the presitigious Ford C. Frick Award.  The award is the top honor amongst baseball announcers and has been won in the past by legends like Mel Allen, Vin Scully, Jack Buck, and Curt Gowdy.  This year, the Ford C. Frick Award, which "is presented annually to a broadcaster for 'major contributions to baseball,'" was awarded to one James Timothy McCarver today.

After exhaustive research, it was discovered that this was not a prank...

Tim McCarver is being honored by the Baseball Hall of Fame for excellence in broadcasting.

Tim McCarver is being honored by the Baseball Hall of Fame for excellence in broadcasting.

Tim McCarver is being honored by the Baseball Hall of Fame for excellence in broadcasting.

Words cannot describe this absurdity.

In case you are still doubting this story, and I can't blame you, here's what the President of the Baseball HoF had to say about Timmy...

"Tim McCarver has been the face and voice of baseball's biggest moments on national television," said Hall of Fame President Jeff Idelson. "His wit and intuition, combined with his passion for the game and his down-home style, delivers a trusted insight for viewers. Tim's journey in reaching baseball broadcasting's highest honor has connected generations of New York Mets fans as well as audiences across the country for more than 30 years."

Wit?  Intuition?  Passion?  Has this guy from the Hall of Fame watched an MLB on Fox broadcast in this millenium?!?!  I'm sure McCarver was a fine analyst back in his prime, but that's been in upwards of twenty years ago.  I know baseball ratings have been down recently, but I would have at least thought people at the Hall of Fame would still be watching games.  Then again, perhaps viewers muting televisions and mass tweeting their best attempts to mock McCarver's announcing gems counts as "major contributions" to baseball these days.

Deadspin publicized the conference call number for anyone to ask questions of the newest honoree earlier today and then recorded hilarious audio for posterity.  The first three questions on the conference call included - Tim McCarver's vendetta against the Yankees, whether or not he wanted to rub his fingers through Joe Buck's hair, and my favorite... "Do you think your nomination into the Hall of Fame illegitimizes the Hall of Fame?" 

Sadly, we didn't get McCarver's response to that last question.

Nevertheless, Tim McCarver, the same guy who said "strike" was a five letter word and proceeded to spell it out, is being honored by the Baseball Hall of Fame for excellence in broadcasting.  The same guy that produced this montage of awfulness is being honored by the Baseball Hall of Fame for excellence in broadcasting.  

Tim McCarver is being honored by the Baseball Hall of Fame for excellence in broadcasting.

Who's next, Scooter?

ESPN has been coming under fire from all sides in recent weeks for how they've handled their coverage of the scandals at Syracuse and Penn St.  In the case of Penn St., ESPN has been criticized for how far behind the curve they've been with breaking the details of the case and their ensuing coverage.  In fact, ESPN's ombudsman, the Poynter Institute, finally showed some worth in their position as independent critic with a biting review of ESPN's slow response to the biggest scandal to rock college athletics, perhaps in history.  Here are a few worthwhile quotes from the much maligned Poynter:

"With the biggest staff of sports journalists in the world, ESPN should have been leading the charge to ask tough questions and shed light on this scandal. Instead, it was the tiny Patriot-News in Harrisburg, Pa. out in front of the journalism pack."

"Moving on to fallout and other issues is standard journalistic fare, but the Penn State scandal isn't any other second-day story... We would expect the instincts of a 24-hour broadcast newsroom to be quicker."

To add to the criticism of ESPN's Penn St. coverage, the WWL has also been under fire for how they've handled ongoing allegations at Syracuse.  On the one hand, ESPN has been borderline obsessive over pushing the story, largely because they were the ones who finally broke this particular scandal.  Some have seen their Syracuse coverage as a rushed response to being caught out on Sandusky.  However, when news broke that ESPN had sat on a potentially incriminating videotape for almost a decade, the network was shown to be hypocritical at best and criminally negligent at worst.

Personally, I've argued for a long time that ESPN's drive for entertainment and profit had long ago swallowed up its journalistic integrity. And, having figures like reporter Mark Schwarz and executive Vince Doria being grilled by heavyweight media watchdogs like Howard Kurtz and Richard Deitsch seems to add fuel to that perspective.  (And no, Jason Whitlock doesn't belong in that category.)  Still, the full story of ESPN's role in these two scandals has yet to fully play out and is incredibly complex in its own right, so we'll reserve detailed judgement for a later date.  

However, without question, one scandal ESPN thoroughly covered from top-to-bottom from the beginning was Jim Tressel and TatGate at Ohio St.  The tenacity ESPN showed in covering the dismissal of Jim Tressel and the sanctions at Ohio St. was relentless in its single-minded focus.  At times, it even seemed like some at the network were rooting for Jim Tressel to be fired.  At the same time, ESPN basically ignored scandals that were developing on other campuses at North Carolina and Miami.  The difference between the three?  Yahoo had broken the mile-long rap sheet of potential violations at Miami while Sports Illustrated had done a lot of the work in gaining more info on the North Carolina violations.  

Well, as it turns out, ESPN isn't done with Ohio St. just yet...

Broadcast maps can be found here via The 506.

Thursday, December 8

Cleveland Browns @ Pittsburgh Steelers (NFLN 8:20PM) Brad Nessler, Mike Mayock, Alex Flanagan

Sunday, December 11

New England Patriots @ Washington Redskins (CBS 1PM) Greg Gumbel, Dan Dierdorf
Kansas City Chiefs @ New York Jets (CBS 1PM) Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts
Houston Texans @ Cincinnati Bengals (CBS 1PM) Marv Albert, Rich Gannon
Indianapolis Colts @ Baltimore Ravens (CBS 1PM) Bill Macatee, Steve Tasker

New Orleans Saints @ Tennessee Titans (FOX 1PM) Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, Pam Oliver
Minnesota Vikings @ Detroit Lions (FOX 1PM) Thom Brennaman, Brian Billick, Laura Okmin
Atlanta Falcons @ Carolina Panthers (FOX 1PM) Ron Pitts, Jim Mora
Philadelphia Eagles @ Miami Dolphins (FOX 1PM) Chris Myers, Tim Ryan
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Jacksonville Jaguars (FOX 1PM) Sam Rosen, Chad Pennington

Chicago Bears @ Denver Broncos (FOX 4PM) Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston, Tony Siragusa
San Francisco 49ers @ Arizona Cardinals (FOX 4PM) Dick Stockton, John Lynch
Oakland Raiders @ Green Bay Packers (CBS 4:15PM) Jim Nantz, Phil Simms
Buffalo Bills @ San Diego Chargers (CBS 4:15) Kevin Harlan, Solomon Wilcots

New York Giants @ Dallas Cowboys (NBC 8:20PM) Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth, Michele Tafoya

Monday, December 12

St. Louis Rams @ Seattle Seahawks (ESPN 8:30PM) Mike Tirico, Jon Gruden, Ron Jaworski

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You may already know CBS and NBC are fighting over Tim Tebow for a possible Week 15 Flex Game, but that only begins to tell the story of the infinitely expanding media obsession with Tim Tebow.  I foolishly anticipated as Tebow played more minutes in Denver, we would get used to the idea of him playing in the NFL and he would fade away from being the most talked about man in the world.  After all, there's no possible way ESPN and other outlets could possibly talk MORE TIM TEBOW.  Right?  

I couldn't be more wrong.

One five game winning streak filled with last minute victories later and TebowMania is out of control.  ESPN, in their infinite wisdom to torture people with any grip of what is real in the world, is DEDICATING AN ENTIRE HOUR OF SPORTSCENTER TO TIM TEBOW Wednesday afternoon at 2 PM ET.  Set your DVRs.  Amongst the instruments of terror are...

• Highlights of Tebow’ comebacks.
• Josina Anderson reports live from the Broncos facility.
• Jerry Rice will break down Tebow’s development as a passer.
• Steve Young will discuss Tebow’s future and how the Broncos should handle him.
• An Ed Werder feature: “Winning the Tebow Way."
• The debate over Tebow with Skip Bayless.
• The top-10 Tebow moments, which will include his Florida days.
• An examination of Tebow’s impact on fantasy football.

BUT WHAT WILL ESPN TALK ABOUT THE OTHER 23 HOURS OF THE DAY?!?!?!  Oh, yea... more Tebow.  I just don't know what to say anymore.  It was more than a month ago that I pleaded to anyone with a computer screen to put a stop to TebowMania before I lost my everloving mind.

Nobody listened.  

It must be the goal of ESPN to convince any person that finds the Broncos QB likeable (like me) or sits on the fence to hate him with a passion only saved for telemarketers, migraine headaches, and violent diarrhea.  The shame is the average NFL fan can't even enjoy what Tebow is doing in Denver because of this obsession.  

There are literally 1,695 other NFL players to talk about - 53 players on 32 teams.  Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees are setting records, and yet it's Tebow that gets a full hour of SportsCenter.  What about outside the NFL?  The best player in baseball may sign with a new team any second, and yet it's Tebow that gets a full hour of SportsCenter.  The NBA season is only weeks away from starting, and yet it's Tebow that gets a full hour of SportsCenter.  The NHL is proposing radical realignment, and yet it's Tebow that gets a full hour of SportsCenter.

It's not even funny anymore how big of a joke ESPN's Tebow sickness is at this point.  Sure, it's fun for us and others to mock TebowMania, but this is seriously getting out of hand.  Unbelievably, this is worse than the height of any coverage ever associated with Brett Favre.  ESPN's Tebow infatuation shows nothing more than a disconnect from actual sports fans and a warped sense of reality like they are under some sort of hypnotic spell.  What the $%*# are they going to do in the offseason, stalk him going to the Mini Mart?  Wait in the bushes outside his home to see when he takes out his recycling?  Put Jon Gruden on television 14 hours out of the day to examine his mechanics?  At least Ed Werder will get a less prickly, less creepy human being to follow around.

TebowMania has now taken on a life of its own and is too big for ESPN to control anymore.  In fact, if anything, TebowMania has become some sort of mutant creature hellbent on destroying its creator (ESPN) and the known universe.  Think the classic Godzilla movies before he got soft and the immense destruction that took place.  That's what TebowMania is doing to our lives, except without the '50s special effects.

It begins with one hour devoted to Tim Tebow.  Then, it'll be a 30 for 30 documentary.  Next, a miniseries followed by Tebow: The Magazine.  Tebow Week, where the quarterback's best performances are dubbed with commentary by Tebow, Skip Bayless, and Merril Hoge won't be far behind.  The Tebow On Tebow reality series should be a foregone conclusion.

Finally, I'm fully expecting Tebow to be deified as a god in Bristol, CT and great pyramids will be built in his honor until a Hebrew slave named Moses Malone delivers his people out of bondage.  Then again, maybe that was The Ten Commandments.

I wish escaping Tebow was only this easy...