All eyes are on Happy Valley this week where Dave Pasch and Chris Spielman have the task of presenting a football game amidst the Jerry Sandusky scandal.  Potential PSU head coaching candidate Urban Meyer misses the game due to the death of his father, thoughts and prayers certainly with him.  Elsewhere, Stanford/Oregon is the marquee on-field game this week in primetime on ABC.  You can check the full sked and updated standings at the links below.

Week 11 Announcing Schedule 

"This is just out of QB sneak range. It's 3rd and 7." - Craig James (via sctvman) 

"Let's have a come to jesus moment right now."- Jesse Palmer (via sctvman) 

"This Ga Tech/Va Tech game has the feeling of a playoff game". - Craig James (via BassinDawg) 

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When you hit the high school years, you are usually asked “What do you want to be when you get out of school?” at an insane rate. Some people just bust their ass to get to where they are at and others think they are blessed with a certain talent that they must share with the world.

Much like an early round American Idol castoff only put on the show for the embarrassment factor, it seems these two kids calling a local high school football game need to see the light and realize they do not have “it” when it comes to announcing skills.

Besides the fact it’s an utter snooze-fest listening to these two monotone voices, they can’t keep the play-by-by numbers or names right, there is zero enthusiasm in their voice and you can’t tell the difference in their voice between an injury and a touchdown.  Come to think of it, maybe they can announce the Super Bowl for Fox.

What makes it worse is that its not just one guy sucking the life out of the room, there’s TWO of them. Even though it’s high school, football is supposed to be exciting. (Just ask PYROTECHNICS.)  It’s not supposed to sound like an amateur golf matchup being called by two guys who just downed an off-brand of NyQuil.

They end the video with “man this is just sad to watch.” No sir, it was sad to listen to.

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ESPN's Jon Ritchie personally knew Jerry Sandusky as a teenager and had a close relationship with the man accused of some of the most heinous crimes ever associated with a sports figure.  We make fun of the frivolous nature of First Take quite a bit, but this may be one of the most hard-hitting segments regarding the Sandusky case.  Given Ritchie's personal relationship with Sandusky as a teenager and beyond, his shock, grief, and distress over the news is especially profound.  There are so many soundbytes worth pulling out of this segment and a few quotes from Ritchie are below.  But if you've been following this case, make sure you watch the entire ten minutes for some incredible perspective on this tragic story...

On Sandusky...

"I loved him.  I thought that he was what I wanted to be when I was old enough to be that."

On The Second Mile...

"When I first retired from professional football, my first thought was I should call Jerry and see if he'll let me join the Second Mile."

On rumors circulating as far back as 2009...

"There were rumors circling in 2009 in Pennslyvania... I think the general consensus where I lived was it was probably a disgruntled kid who had something in for Jerry.  Now, I think we all know that that is not the case.  That this is horrendous, horrifying, and tragic."

On the tragedy...

"These tragedies out now have brought everyone to the darkest place... I can't fathom sports right now.  I don't even care about sports right now because this picture of what I thought was good has exploded."

"This is just the beginning of the most horrific story in sports."

"It was impossible for me to conceive that this took place.  This has caused me to reevaluate everything I think is real around me.  My reality was Jerry Sandusky was Mother Theresa and I know all those kids, all those victims felt the same way because that's what he elicited in you."

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"Host Tide knock off top-ranked Tigers."  That was the Fox Sports headline minutes after LSU defeated Alabama 9-6 in the Game of the Century last Saturday.  My only question is why would Jordan Jefferson be the featured player on the marquee for an Alabama victory headline?  Oops. 

Reader Steve Miles passed along this screengrab from ESPN.com.  Are things that bad in Indy, or is this a window into the future to the Colts drafting Andrew Luck and then trading Manning to Cleveland?  Hmm...

The leader's confusion continued onto the television side too (and I'm not just talking Lou Holtz).  I don't think there's an "O" or "W" in the names of Texas and Texas Tech.  Thanks to Dave Gerig for submitting...

And speaking of that Texas-Texas Tech game, which the Longhorns won 52-20.  ESPN's bottom line was just a bit off though, showing a pending 38-35 Tech victory.  Take that, Longhorn Network conspiracy theorists! (h/t Chris Due)

By the way, did you know that the Longhorn Network is free online this weekend!  Now we can all freely choose not to watch!

And finally, from last week's Gameday, Oklahoma State's impressive unbeaten season saw them rise to #3... and #6 in the BCS Standings. (h/t Bob Kibble)

That was your week in Screengrab Snafus, next time be careful out there!

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Last night was the debut of NFL Network's newest announcing team - Brad Nessler and Mike Mayock.  Given the embarrassing failures of the league's own network to provide a coherent, insightful... hell, even an average broadcasting team for Thursday Night Football, expectations were high the new team could turn the page.  And even though I couldn't watch the game (thanks Time Warner Cable!), it appears Nessler and Mayock delivered, which I kinda predicted in May.  #Humblebrag.  

Take a look at Real Tweets From Real People from one year and one day ago for the Millen/Theismann disaster and compare it to this year's overwhelmingly positive version.  It's amazing what two interesting, competent, entertaining announcers can do for a broadcast!

QF2G  @awfulannouncing @richeisen @SI_PeterKing nessler and mayock are a great announcing duo, pity they're only around for Thursday games.
marcp13  @awfulannouncing holy crap, Mayock is solid!
matt_08  @awfulannouncing took them six years to get it right. better late than never.
reddiePhysical  @awfulannouncing Mayock is the finest color analyst we have in football today.
ConnorKiesel  @awfulannouncing non-awful announcing on TNF?!? Dare I say good announcing? This is a first.
skytalkertv  Brad Nessler >>>>>> Jim Nantz >>>>>>>> Mike Tirico >>>> Joe Buck @awfulannouncing
CaptTouchback  Mike Mayock is to Matt Millen as 2005 Carson Palmer is to 2011 Carson Palmer. #NotEvenClose (cc: @awfulannouncing)
ThisGivenSunday  If Mayock and Nessler keep saying intelligent things, @myoder84 will have to start a new blog. #AwfulNiceAnnouncing

AdamSchein  Mike Mayock is so damn good. And to think, last year we were suffering with millen and theisman. Great job NFLN.
patnash  very enjoyable broadcast so far I think. This kills the Bob Papa, Theisman, Millen connection..... #AnythingBeatsThat
Josh_D_Manning  I really love Mike Mayock as the new commentator analysis on Thursday Night Football. Way better than Matt Millen and Joe Theismann.
robertneely  NFL Network cutting loose Theismann and Millen in favor of Mayock is a huge leap forward #makingthursdaynightfootballwatchable
FauxJohnMadden  "I really miss Joe Theismann and Matt Millen on these Thursday Night Football games." - Literally nobody
RealAdvanced  Brad Nessler/Mike Mayock, thank you NFL Network... felt sorry for Bob Papa bc he was decent, but Millen & Theismann= all-time horrible
RaidersBlog  Most enjoyable NFL broadcast I can remember. I haven't rolled my eyes at the announcers once.

mepucin  Hearing Mayock, Nessler call game as if they were old buds immersed in NFL for years, great job NFL Network, Eager for next week.
Curtis_Crabtree  Brad Nessler and Mike Mayock killing it on this broadcast tonight. Really refreshing. Focus on the game in front of them and good insight.
TheMontyShow  Mayock and Nessler have been very good tonight...enjoying their call @nflnetwork
BlogAndTackle  After several years of trying to find the right combo, NFL Net has good one in Nessler-Mayock. Both are solid pros who mesh well.
EdogPoker  Thank you NFL network for Nessler and Mayock announcing team. I would rather watch dancing with the stars then listen to Bryant Gumbel.
RossTuckerNFL  Also like that Mayock calls Brad Nessler "Ness". Pretty sure he just made that nickname up.
firejimcaldwell  Mayock & Nessler might be the best broadcast team I've heard on an NFL game in a long time. 

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I'll just say that this may be the greatest announcing moment in the history of the microphone.  It comes from Marist High School's 31-28 victory over St. Patrick in Chicago back in early October, but the clip has just surfaced on Youtube.  Unfortunately, I don't know the name of the announcer, but I can say it's the most dramatic call of a field goal you will ever hear.  For starters, the announcer intros the kicker and holder in much the same way as Phil Davison, candidate for STARK COUNTY TREASURER.  The intensity throughout is worthy of Mike Singletary.  Thankfully, for humanity, Marist wins the game on this field goal as time expires, eliciting a reaction like that of winning the Super Bowl several hundred times over.  And the grand finale is simply the piece de resistance.  PYROTECHNICS!!!

I now know what I'm shouting when anything good happens the rest of my life.  PYROTECHNICS!!!!

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Thursday Night Football games are back, which means so is Mike Mayock's lisp. We apologize for the tardy posting (Chargers/Raiders are currently in progress on NFLN), but we should have these up on Wednesdays or mid-afternoon Thursdays henceforth. Forgive us.

Here are your broadcast maps courtesy of The 506.

Thursday, November 10

Oakland Raiders @ San Diego Chargers (NFLN 8:20PM) Brad Nessler, Mike Mayock, Alex Flanagan

Sunday, November 13 - FOX Doubleheader

New Orleans Saints @ Atlanta Falcons (FOX 1PM) Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston, Tony Siragusa
Arizona Cardinals @ Philadelphia Eagles (FOX 1PM) Dick Stockton, John Lynch, Jennifer Hale
Washington Redskins @ Miami Dolphins (FOX 1PM) Chris Myers, Tim Ryan
St. Louis Rams @ Cleveland Browns (FOX 1PM) Ron Pitts, Jim Mora

Buffalo Bills @ Dallas Cowboys (CBS 1PM) Jim Nantz, Phil Simms
Tennessee Titans @ Carolina Panthers (CBS 1PM) Kevin Harlan, Solomon Wilcots
Houston Texans @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (CBS 1PM) Marv Albert, Rich Gannon
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Indianapolis Colts (CBS 1PM) Spero Dedes, Steve Beuerlein
Denver Broncos @ Kansas City Chiefs (CBS 1PM) Bill Macatee, Steve Tasker
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cincinnati Bengals (CBS 1PM) Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts

Baltimore Ravens @ Seattle Seahawks (CBS 4PM) Greg Gumbel, Dan Dierdorf

New York Giants @ San Francisco 49ers (FOX 4:15PM) Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, Pam Oliver
Detroit Lions @ Chicago Bears (FOX 4:15PM) Thom Brennaman, Brian Billick, Laura Okmin

New England Patriots @ New York Jets (NBC 8:20PM) Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth, Michele Tafoya

Monday, November 14

Minnesota Vikings @ Green Bay Packers (ESPN 8:30PM) Mike Tirico, Jon Gruden, Ron Jaworski

H/T Sammy!

Funny or Die has done it again with one of the most outstanding videos on the internet this year.  Burgeoning comedic star Mike Tyson plays presidential candidate Herman Cain in this mock campaign ad.  Seriously, Iron Mike may have a career ahead of him in the field.  He's certainly got the history of saying ridiculous things, starred in the Hangover, and even played a role in Charlie Sheen's roast.  (Ironically, it looks like what Tyson needs most in this video is to hit the gym!)  There's got to be an SNL hosting gig or at the very least a buddy comedy with Will Ferrell or Vince Vaughn in his future.  The hat/sunglasses combo, fake mustache, and glasses actually has me convinced that this is Herman Cain!  Aside from the lisp that is...

Now we just need to find a sports personality to play forgetful Rick Perry.  Tim McCarver, perhaps?

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In this week's Straight Outta Stockton awards we had not one, not two, but three separate ties in the voting.  Ironically, somehow the quotes that tied for second place both related to Dan Fouts.  Phil Simms maintains a slight lead over Brian Billick with Mike Tirico and Dick Stockton also picking up points.  The envelope, please...

T9) "Soon the Buccaneers are going to think about using their timeouts on defense." - Dick Stockton (via BloggerJustinF) after TB called TO

T9) "I know these Packers fans are from California because they have shirts on." -Brian Billick (via bjo109)

T9) "no challenge flag yet...." - Joe Buck (via the506) as Belichick throws the red flag out on screen.

8) "You never know what you're gonna find in one of those ovens" - Joe Buck #wtf#ovensarepredictable (via TheZaharaDesert and bonus pts for the hashtag)

T6) "It's hard to score from inside the one." - Phil Simms (via csolomon15)

T6) "Ricky brought in to give Ray Rice a blow from time to time." - Al Michaels (via briguy17) Ricky Williams?  Blow?  Bwahaha.

5) "Picking up 1 yard... or 9 I should say!" - Dick Stockton (via AA)

4) "If you are converting 3rd down at 53%, you have over a 50% chance of getting a 1st down." - Brian Billick (via TheLoadedOne)

T2) "Dan Fouts fumbled the game away for Chargers." - Bob Griese (via sa9273) just off by a few years.

T2) "Another great defensive stand by the Browns." - Dan Fouts (via SchmanthonyP) as the Texans kick a field goal to make it 27-3 Houston

1) "The Eagles with two touchdowns in less than a half minute, and we're all even at 10." - Mike Tirico (via everyone watching the game) Um, Mike? The Eagles only scored 10 points.

Week 9 Top 5 -

1) Phil Simms 28.5 pts

2) Brian Billick 27 pts

3) Mike Tirico 19 pts

4) Dick Stockton 15 pts

5) Chris Berman 14 pts

Others receiving votes - Jon Gruden 12 pts, Scott Hanson 10 pts, Jim Nantz 10, Cris Collinsworth 9 pts, Rich Gannon 9 pts, Dan Fouts 8.5 pts, Bob Griese 8.5 pts, Troy Aikman 8 pts, Dan Patrick 7 pts, Jim Mora 6 pts, Daryl Johnston 5 pts, Tim Ryan 5 pts, Al Michaels 4.5, Joe Buck 4 pts, Warren Moon 3 pts, Terry Bradshaw 3 pts, Thom Brennaman 2 pts, Tony Siragusa 1 pt, Dan Dierdorf 1 pt.

The Full Week 10 NFL Announcing Schedule will be coming soon, where you can find the dates and times of games and all the announcing pairings as well.  Then, make sure you check back every Sunday when the fun begins for another week Straight Outta Stockton!

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