I've reached my breaking point. I can't take it any longer without saying something, finding some release from the hostile takeover of my life by Timothy Richard Tebow. I simply cannot escape Tim Tebow. Everywhere I turn, there he is - Tim Tebow. On my television. On my radio. On my computer screen. In my mind. Haunting me like something out of Paranormal Activity.
A debate topic on ESPN in the morning. A debate topic on ESPN in the afternoon. A segment on Around the Horn. On PTI. On Numbers Never Lie. On SportsNation. Primetime. The Blitz. NFL Live. A SportsCenter segment in the early evening. A mention in the Monday Night Football game. Another segment on SportsCenter in the evening. A poll question. A debate the next morning. And the next evening. And the next morning.
And then, interspersed in between there's the #@$%ING DEBATES ABOUT THE DEBATES ABOUT TEBOW!!!
It. Never. Ends.
ESPN is by far the chief offender for TebowMania. Yesterday morning, I could turn on any ESPN channel and there would be a greater than 80% chance it would be Tebow Time. At times, Tebow was the topic of discussion on ESPN and ESPN2 at the same time. You just had your choice of Merril Hoge dissing Tebow, or Skip Bayless endlessly praising him. However, ESPN is far from the only offender. Seemingly every media company and blog is talking Tebow.I know what you're thinking. "Matt, aren't you feeding TebowMania by writing about it? Aren't you just as guilty as the rest" To that I say... duh, of course. But, I'm willing to sacrifice a small piece of my soul to at least present to you the big picture of what we have seen this week and to hope that we never have to experience this as sports fans again. In order to defeat the beast, I must enter its lair.
No athlete has ever been talked about more in a short time span for doing less than Tim Tebow, Broncos quarterback. The 24/7 sports media is to blame. The impossible outcome of the Denver/Miami game is also a factor, perfectly arming his detractors and supporters to become further entrenched into their positions. If I hear the words "elongated motion" or "intangibles" one more time I will eat fire.
It's like living in a zombie universe, except all of the zombies are wearing Tim Tebow jerseys. (By the way, this is the most nightmarish of all zombie universes in case you were wondering.) Please Shaun of the Dead, give me some hope for survival...
Ahhh, killing zombies set to Queen gives me some level of comfort. But then, I'm pulled back into the hideous, frightening reality of TebowMania and I realize that I only wish to be delivered from this deepest level of hell, and my imagined zombie universe is only a mental escape to paradise.
I want to briefly take you on a quick trip through the interwebs to discover all the mind-boggling ways one can talk about Tim Tebow. Keep in mind, I'm not encouraging you to actually click on any of these links. I'm only attempting to display to you that this Tebow phenomenon isn't some sort of "white whale," it's real. The following stories are merely grains of sand from the neverending beaches of Planet Tebow...