Just a week ago, there was finally a ray of hope in the dark ages that have been the NBA lockout.  Talks between both sides were happening, ticket offices were reportedly being prepared to handle sales, and optimism was high the lockout would be ended.  And then, just as we've grown accustomed to happening in this most maddening period in the Association's history, negotiations broke off once again.  MORE games were cancelled, an 82 game season is now out of the picture,, and NBA fans are left to curse the decimation this lockout has done to a sport that had been peaking.

And now, as if possible, we've reached a dizzying new low in the lockout saga thanks to professional mudslinger Jason Whitlock of Foxsports.com.  Usually, most columns Whitlock writes aren't worth being taken seriously.  He's an online version of Skip Bayless, just less theatrical.  At least with Skip, we know that it's all pretend and no human being with the thinking capacity of prehistoric man would believe the things he says.  With Whitlock, I'm not so sure.  

Whitlock's newest target is NBA players union president Derek Fisher of the LA Lakers.  The whole saga involves unnamed sources, tales of fractures in the players union, Fisher reportedly going behind the backs of his own union to make a secret deal with David Stern, not one but two letters by Fisher debunking Whitlock's columns, and even the threat of a lawsuit from Fisher to Whitlock.  Happy days are here again, indeed.

So when the NBA season was supposed to kick off, the union president plans on possibly suing an online columnist.  Not quite the ray of hope we're looking for.  Here's the Reader's Digest version of how this he-said, she-said controversy has broken down thus far...

As we hyped the brewing Billick/Simms duel in last week's awards, this week it's the former Giants QB that vaults to the top spot in the Dickies standings.  In fact, the quote that comes in at #3 this week is so good it should go on Simms' announcing tombstone.  Elsewhere, I'm a bit surprised Mike Tirico mistaking Norv Turner for Ted Turner rates so much higher than Terry Bradshaw calling Ryan Fitzpatrick, "Ron Fitzgerald."  Oh, well.  At the pole position for Week 8's Dickies, it's Simms that provides the rebuttal to this week's winner, his broadcast partner Jim Nantz.  The envelope, friends...

10A) "And right now the crowd is saying 'Release the Kraken'!" - Dan Dierdorf (via sa9273)

10B) "And the Kraken is on the loose." - Dan Dierdorf (via CK29).  He sure loves his Kraken...

9) Al Michaels: "Herremans is like the Swiss Army Knife of offensive linemen."
Cris Collinsworth: "I called him a tool in the meeting earlier." (via BloggerJustinF)

8) "Quarterback Ron Fitzgerald, Buffalo, he will reward that Buffalo franchise for giving him that contract. Big day..." - Terry Bradshaw (via AlexFromBuffalo) Just all wrong.

7) "And a timeout is called for delay of the game. Excuse me." - Dick Stockton (via ClarkbarTweets)

6) "St Louis will try to spread them out here and then slide it in." - Tim Ryan (via bjo109)

5) "Ponder thinks about Harvin. Harvin doesn't have to Ponder the throw.  That sets up the veteran, he's been around a LONG time, Ryan Longwell." - Chris Berman (via CK29) in rapid succession on The Blitz

4) "Bills in Toronto, there's the Space Needle." - Dan Patrick (via bjo109)

3) "I'm trying to guess run or pass but I'm wrong on every play" - Phil Simms (via jackbutler505)

2) "Ted Turner takes the timeout" - Mike Tirico (via Frigidevil)

1) Jim Nantz: "What a heads up play!"
Phil Simms: "Well, that's illegal." (via several)

Week 8 Top 5 -

1) Phil Simms 24 pts

2) Brian Billick 19 pts

3) Chris Berman 14 pts

4) Jon Gruden 12 pts

5) Scott Hanson 10 pts, Jim Nantz 10

Others receiving votes - Mike Tirico 9 pts, Cris Collinsworth 9 pts, Rich Gannon 9 pts, Troy Aikman 8 pts, Dan Patrick 7 pts, , Jim Mora 6 pts, Daryl Johnston 5 pts, Tim Ryan 5 pts, Dick Stockton 8 pts, Warren Moon 3 pts, Terry Bradshaw 3 pts, Thom Brennaman 2 pts, Tony Siragusa 1 pt, Dan Dierdorf 1 pt.

The Full Week 9 NFL Announcing Schedule will be coming soon, where you can find the dates and times of games and all the announcing pairings as well.  Then, make sure you check back every Sunday when the fun begins for another week Straight Outta Stockton!

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What better way to fill the void left by the NBA lockout than... MAC FOOTBALL baby!  As a born and bred Ohioan, I can testify to the thrilling football produced by this little conference that could.  It's been on full national display the last two nights.  First, Northern Illinois defeated Toledo 63-60 on Tuesday night in the final seconds with a score that makes Big Ten basketball fans jealous.  Then on Wednesday night, the Ohio Bobcats defeated Temple 35-31 in a game that again went down to the wire... which leads to the following clip.

Ohio had that four point lead with the ball facing 4th and 17 from the Temple 40 and 10 seconds left.  After initially bobbling the snap, Ohio QB Tyler Tettleton does a great job to scramble around and run out the clock, thus securing an Ohio victory and vaulting them to the top of the MAC East.  However, ESPN analyst Ray Bentley was befuddled at Ohio's decision to not take a knee!!  What were they thinking!!!  Oh yea, it was 4th down.

Oops...

"That's just not smart football to me though, all you need to do is take a knee... and the clock will continue to run... oh it was 4th down???  My bad, nevermind, good play (laughs nervously)..." - Ray Bentley

Annnd we have Week 10's Pammy frontrunner before Craig James even takes a mic!

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Give NBA players credit, they've been much more creative at how to pass the time waiting to play than their NFL counterparts were earlier this season, at least besides Ochocinco.  Granted, the NBA has now begun to actually miss regular season games, but that isn't stopping the stars of the hardwood from keeping themselves busy.  A new LeBron James McDonald's commercial showed up to give a nice break from the endless talk of international barnstorming tours.  Then Kevin Durant went and played a game of flag football with a random dude.  But my new favorite locked out NBA player has to be Chris Paul. The video below comes courtesy of our friends over at SportsGrid.  My only disappointment with the following is that fat Louie Anderson isn't the host anymore, or Al Borland for that matter...

Hopefully for Chris Paul, the lockout can end soon so he doesn't have to become a professional game show contestant.  I suppose it could have been worse.  He could've followed the Family Feud playbook of this guy... TURKEY!  

Don't forget for all the latest on the NBA Lockout you can check out Crossover Chronicles, Bloguin's flagship NBA blog.  

[h/t SportsGrid]

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Finally, someone has topped Craig James in a weekly Pammy poll!  We all owe the genius of Matt Millen a debt of gratitude.  He picks up some major ground this week and moves into second place with the #1 and #4 quotes this week.  Almost as brilliant as the drafting of Charles Rogers and Mike Williams.  There's still time left for Millen to make a St. Louis Cardinalsesque run to the Pammy championship as we hit November.  (Note: On appeal the Pammy committee removed Verne's "this year's Game of the Century" remark from the nominees due to its ironic quality.  Well played, Mr. Lundquist, our apologies.)  The envelope please...

10) "Can't quite tell you the number, but I can tell you it is an offensive lineman" - Ray Bentley (via AlexfromBuffalo) Uh, Ray, WVU is on defense.

9) "...and Woods has got it at the...incomplete." - Brent Musberger (via mattyzucks)

8) "He's a first time starter going thru everything for the first time." - Andre Ware (via sctvman)

7) "You're only effective when you're productive" - Chris Spielman (via RYbbc34)

6) "Nothing doing as Tech stiffens against Jeff Woody." - Bill Land (via Matt Kennedy)

5) "This is what you get when two hungry trains get on the same track and don't want to get off" - Gary Danielson (via DerekLynch64) Hungry... trains???

4) "Consistent consistency" - Matt Millen (via ThaNardDawg)

3) "Come on guys, it's football, get tough" - Craig James (via dmcalpi).  Umm Craig why you talk about that with your son first...

2) "Spurrier used to say you can't spell UT without Citrus... wait." - Mark Jones (via CaptTouchback)

1) "You come in and bite, I'm pullin' that sucker out" - Matt Millen (via Chris Schenkel)

Week 9 Top 5 -

1) Craig James 95 pts

2) Matt Millen 60 pts

3) Pam Ward 45 pts

4) Gary Danielson 41 pts

5) Chris Spielman 22 pts

Others receiving votes - Lou Holtz 21 pts, Brent Musburger 19 pts, Beth Mowins 13 pts, Brett Favre 13 pts, Sean McDonough 13 pts, Mark Jones 9 pts, Artrell Hawkins 9 pts, Warrick Dunn 9 pts, Dan Hawkins 9 pts, Jenn Brown 9 pts, Mike Patrick 9 pts, Andre Ware 8 pts, Gus Johnson 7 pts, Lee Corso 7 pts, Wendi Nix 7 pts, Steve Martin 7 pts, Tom Cole 7 pts, Jesse Palmer 6 pts, Rod Gilmore 6 pts, Dave Pasch 5 pts, Bill Land 5 pts, Alex Flanagan 4 pts, Mike Morgan 4 pts, Joe Tiller 3 pts, Keith Jones 3 pts, Desmond Howard 3 pts, Shaun King 3 pts, Charles Davis 3 pts, Danny Kanell 2 pts, Steve Beuerlein 2 pts, Scott Van Pelt 2 pts, Kevin Kugler 1 pt, Eric Collins 1 pt, Verne Lundquist 1 pt, Todd McShay 1 pt, Ray Bentley 1 pt.

The Full Week 10 Announcing Schedule will be coming soon, where you can find the dates and times of games and all the announcing pairings as well.  Then, make sure you check back every Saturday for the Pam Ward Chronicles and another week of the Pammies!

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ESPN reporter Jenn Brown had a bit of an adventure this morning when she evidently found herself locked inside her own hotel bathroom.  It's a slow news day, what can I say.  Here's the proof via Twitter...

You can decide which is slightly more embarrassing - publicly locking oneself in a hotel bathroom or calling a head coach "Bitch Jones" on national television.  Fortunately for Jenn, she had her cell phone with her so she could call somebody to rescue her.    Fortunately for us, this also means she had a chance to tweet about it and answer your important questions in the moment...

JennBrownESPN Any one who wants to stay warm whilst taking a shower...Duh RT @SchwarzAdam: who closes the bathroom door in a hotel!

JennBrownESPN Pretty much... RT @tcumike: So you are just sitting in there chilling, and tweeting?

JennBrownESPN think I'll go with my flavored vitamins first, but good to know! RT @ROTHENbenRG: I heard the decorative soaps taste like candy.

JennBrownESPN That, my friend, is a very good question... RT @ttintn: just curious... Had you not had your cell what woulda been your plan?

JennBrownESPN Someone who listens to ESPN Radio in the morning RT @SchwarzAdam who brings their phone into the bathroom to take a shower to begin with?

JennBrownESPN Could have come in handy in this situation...could have MacGyvered my way out. RT @bustedcoverage: did you open my wedding gift yet?

Nobody asked if she doesn't like Craig James, too?  I'm disappointed Twitter!  Oh well, we can now cross live tweeting being locked in a hotel bathroom off the "Things Twitter Can't Do" list.  At least she didn't lock her keys out of her car.  Thankfully after what must have seemed like an eternity isolated from the non-tweeting outside world, Jenn Brown was finally freed...

Seriously though, I can definitely empathize with Jenn Brown's escapades.  You may want to snarkishly label this a "blond moment" but I've been known to try to open random cars in parking lots that just happen to look like mine.   Things like this happen to me all the time.  I'm such an expert at being locked out of places, Billy Hunter has been calling me for help in negotiations. (rimshot)  

Hey, Frank Caliendo can't be the only person allowed to do lame semi-culturally relevant sports jokes, can he?

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ESPN televised a Gold Glove awards special last night, although according to the reviews, there wasn't much special about it.  While the awards themselves were questionable, there was also the format of the show, the analysis, and the actual ESPYish presentation to consider as well.  The following is from Lead Editor Joe Lucia of Bloguin's MLB blog - The Outside Corner, on the ridiculousness of the show and the awards presentation.  Clayton Kershaw was clearly not entertained.

After being delayed 45 minutes because of a MAC football game that featured over 120 points being scored, ESPN's broadcast of the Gold Glove awards "ceremony" started at around 10:45 tonight. First off, why would you schedule something like this behind a live event that has potential to run late? That's just a ridiculous idea to begin with. I'm not sure why the need for a show like this was even needed, especially needing to be stretched to AN HOUR.

The panel featured Karl Ravech presenting, with John Kruk and Barry Larkin making their picks for the awards. Typically, their picks didn't focus on defense, with the duo talking about how great offensively their choices were, along with mixing in various vague descriptors like "you go to the ballpark to see him play defense." They also were stuck in the old school mentality, talking about errors and fielding percentage, which are two of the more inane ways to describe a player's defense in 2011.

ESPN would bring out a "special guest" to present each "segment" of awards. They didn't exactly bring out superstars either, with former Cardinal Mike Matheny announcing the catcher and pitcher winners, former Oriole Paul Blair, who was in his prime 35 years ago, announcing the outfield winners, and Omar Vizquel announcing the infield winners. None seemed very comfortable, with Blair coming off like a pretty big asshole talking himself up (including claiming to have never made an error, when he actually made 54 over his career). Vizquel seemed all out of sorts, stuttering through the announcements of winners and having Ravech fill in some of his blanks.

And then, there were the winners:

American League
P: Mark Buerhle
C: Matt Wieters
1B: Adrian Gonzalez
2B: Dustin Pedroia
3B: Adrian Beltre
SS: Erick Aybar
LF: Alex Gordon
CF: Jacoby Ellsbury
RF: Nick Markakis

National League
P: Clayton Kershaw
C: Yadier Molina
1B: Joey Votto
2B: Brandon Phillips
3B: Placido Polanco
SS: Troy Tulowitzki
LF: Gerardo Parra
CF: Matt Kemp
RF: Andre Ethier

Among the list of snubs, Brett Gardner was downright robbed in left field for the AL. He was far and away the best defender in baseball at any position, and he's going home empty handed. The same could be said for Peter Bourjos in center. Markakis winning is an absolute joke, and he clearly won the award because "he has a good arm"... considering that's all they talked about after he won.

Oh, and to put a cherry on top of this? Fans didn't even need to watch the awards show. The AP put out a press release before the show started....which ESPN put on their website. I wish I would have known about that more than 25 minutes into this, so I didn't have to sit through that disaster.

Check out more great baseball coverage, including the Movember MLB Mustache Madness Tournament, at The Outside Corner

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It was a shame that this year fans were deprived of Hard Knocks but if you're a boxing fan, HBO has again knocked it out of the park with their 24/7 coverage of Manny Pacquiao and Juan Manual Marquez's preparation for their November 12th fight. 

Two episodes in, we have the answer to the million dollar question: Does Marquez continue to drink his own urine? He explains below...

 

Well I am glad that's over. Still seems a bit odd that it took a new doctor and strength coach to plant the seed that maybe drinking your own urine isn't the best way to get into optimal fighting shape. Perhaps they don't have GNC stores in Mexico.

For those of you who are scratching your head in disbelief, below is the infamous clip from Marquez's 24/7 series leading up to his whooping at the hands of Floyd Mayweather.

Disclaimer: You hit the play button... you're going to see Marquez drinking pee. It's disturbing. If you don't want to see it, then just walk away.

 

While HBO's full access has been awesome in many instances, the above clip is the reason is a good example when keeping it real goes terribly wrong. Viewers were totally shocked as was Mayweather's entourage, and now Marquez's reputation to the casual fan is now mostly tied to just a very poor choice of a beverage. 

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Yes, I'll admit it, I have a soft spot in my heart for all things British when it comes to announcing. Maybe it's the dry British wit, the dulcet tones of the British accent, or their slighly off-beat nature, but it seems no matter the sport it's easy to find entertaining examples of British announcers.  In the past, we've unearthed gems like the cricket commentator who announced his impending doom and a pair of Brits who practicallly orgasmed over mountain biking.  And thanks to our pal Jimmy Traina over at SI's Hot Clicks, we can now add this World Series clip to our expanding AA Brit portfolio.

Apparently, BBC 5 over in England has been broadcasting the World Series back to our mother courntry for several years.  Although true Brits most likely prefer baseball's cousin cricket, it is truly entertaining to hear the take on announcing the national pasttime from across the pond.  And while Joe Buck's finest moment ever might have been David Freese's game-winning home run in Game 6, it's also fun to hear this call from Simon Brotherton of the BBC.

Simon's Wikipedia page describes his commentating style as "quirky" but I think it's the usual British charm that comes off in this clip.  The bewilderment, the pronunciation of Card-in-als as if it were three seperate words, and the picture-perfect capturing of the moment are all traits of the best of British announcers in any sport, whether they're native to the UK or not.  

[Hot Clicks]

It was a depressing week for me personally in the NFL.  First, my Saints lost to the winless St. Louis Rams in a disappointing loss that took me back to the Days of Ditka.  Compounding this sadness was sitting through an entire NFL game with Chris Myers and Tim Ryan while watching your team lose to a winless club.  Let's hope this week's Dickies nominees are enough to lift my spirits...

As to how the Straight Outta Stockton vote works, each week we'll nominate 15-20 quotes for you to pick the best 10.  The winning quote of the week will earn that person 10 points all the way down to 1 point for 10th.  Remember, you can vote for your favorite five quotes.  Here are your Week 8 nominees...

1A) "And right now the crowd is saying 'Release the Kraken'!" - Dan Dierdorf (via sa9273)

1B) "And the Kraken is on the loose." - Dan Dierdorf (via CK29).  He sure loves his Kraken...

2) "I'm trying to guess run or pass but I'm wrong on every play" - Phil Simms (via jackbutler505)

3) "When you get DeAngelo Williams in there, you can bang it around in the insides." - Daryl Johnston (via bjo109)

4) "St Louis will try to spread them out here and then slide it in." - Tim Ryan (via bjo109)

5) "And a timeout is called for delay of the game. Excuse me." - Dick Stockton (via ClarkbarTweets)

6) Al Michaels: "Herremans is like the Swiss Army Knife of offensive linemen."
Cris Collinsworth: "I called him a tool in the meeting earlier." (via BloggerJustinF) 

7) "Ted Turner takes the timeout" - Mike Tirico (via Frigidevil)

8) "Ponder thinks about Harvin. Harvin doesn't have to Ponder the throw.  That sets up the veteran, he's been around a LONG time, Ryan Longwell." - Chris Berman (via CK29) in rapid succession on The Blitz

9) "That was very well put, but i have no idea what he said." - Brian Billick (via bjo109)

10) "Stafford handing off to Maurcie Morris. Faking it and throwing it." - Dick Stockton (via Dascenzo)

11) "Bills in Toronto, there's the Space Needle." - Dan Patrick (via bjo109)

12) "You've got to get fresh with that top hand and ride that center" - Jon Gruden (via CaptTouchback)

13) "Quarterback Ron Fitzgerald, Buffalo, he will reward that Buffalo franchise for giving him that contract. Big day..." - Terry Bradshaw (via AlexFromBuffalo) Just all wrong.

14) "Matt Cassell is a winner" - Jon Gruden (via ThisisERV) with this week in sports cliches.

15) "Cliff Avril picks the ball up on the interception and goes in for the touchdown." - Dick Stockton (via Dascenzo)

16) Jim Nantz: "What a heads up play!"
Phil Simms: "Well, that's illegal." (via several) 

17) "You know what NFL means? The National Fake You Out Leauge" - Tim Ryan (via Chris)

 

Vote For Your Week 8 Dickies Nominees! (vote for up to five)

The winners will come Thursday morning so make sure you vote early and often and check back for the full NFL Week 9 announcing sked later this week!

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