This may be the most robust week of Straight Outta Stockton nominees.  A full 20 mindboggling quotes are here for your enjoyment this week.  And surprisingly, none of them come from current Dickies leader Dick Stockton or Brian Billick.  Can Jon Gruden, Chris Berman, or Joe Buck have a big week to begin a comeback?  Here are your Week 15 nominees...

1) "That's not unlike last Sunday night when the Cowboys thought they had Dallas put away." - Mike Mayock (via bigddan11)

2) "Patriots secondary. Much improved. Didn't blow any coverages, no miscommunications, big balls...big thrown balls over their head...much improved day." - Rodney Harrison (via DevsFan30)

3) "Tebow was riding his running back for a long time" - Phil Simms (via nro1111)

4) "Who gets in your butt?" - Deion Sanders to Tony Romo (via thedudeinatl)

5) ‎"It's chilly today in New York. But it is November -- I guess it should be." - Joe Buck (via sys)

6) "I think Michael Vick is starting to come" - Chris Berman on NFL Sunday Countdown (via nro1111)

7) "Joe Flacco is as mobile as any QB playing the game right now" - Cris Collinsworth (via several)

8) "The Ravens score a meaningless touchdown ... Well except to some friendly degenerates we know." - Al Michaels (via joelb811) obviously referring to his own betting habits.

9) "When he hits you, you stay hit." - Cris Collinsworth (via TUrugby)

10) "LOOK AT THIS CLOWN!!" - Thom Brennaman (via Packey) [VIDEO]

11) "He has this great thing called the beard." - Jon Gruden (via deadgeneration4)

12) "They'll go for it here on first down." - Joe Buck (via sctvman)

13)"This is incredible getoff, he's got freakish size ... He's eating Max Starks alive" - Jon Gruden (via RunGNC)

14) "The ball is out of bounds. Let's see who touched it last." - Marv Albert. Is this basketball? (via bmitchelf)

15) "If you Google a picture of toughness, you'll find a picture of Roethlisberger. He's barn strong." - Jon Gruden (via FlowyDNA)  Barn.  Strong.

16) "I say it every year: know what the NFL stands for? National Fake You Out League" - Tim Ryan (via JeremyShermak).  YOU MEAN IT'S BEEN THE NFYOL ALL THIS TIME?!?! 

17) "Brian Beluga down for the Packers" - Daryl Johnston (via psiegfried).  I know Bulaga is big, but to call him a whale is just plain mean.

18) "Caleb Hanie working his magic as he always does." - Curt Menefee (via natedog2827)

19) "You've gotta love Steven Jackson. He is a professional football player." - Dan Dierdorf (via mattmiller56)

20) "I'm not a doctor I just play one on TV." - Rich Gannon (via ConnorKiesel).  No, you don't.

Vote For Your Week 15 Dickies Nominees! (vote for up to five)

The winners will come Wednesday so make sure you vote early and often and check back for the full NFL Week 16 announcing sked later this week.  Remember, with Christmas falling on a Sunday, the full slate of NFL games are played on Saturday.

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ESPN's pregame NBA coverage has been lagging far behind TNT's Inside the NBA crew for a long, long time.  To try and bolster their on-air NBA lineup in the studio, ESPN pursued the biggest television free agent this summer, Shaquille O'Neal.  However, Shaq decided to spurn ESPN to join up with Kenny, Chuck, and EJ to make for what will most likely be the most entertaining studio show in sports TV history.

Lost in the shuffle of Shaq's move to TNT though, was the response from ESPN.  Losing out on one of the most coveted retired players in NBA history had to hurt ESPN's vision for improving their NBA studio coverage.  The studio crew of MIke Wilbon, Jon Barry, Stu Scott, and intermittent doses of Magic Johnson was some combination of bland, forced, and uninspiring.

Well, with the lockout over, we finally have learned what tweaks ESPN is making to their NBA studio crew, and the result looks like a recipe for disaster.

According to SI's Richard Deitsch, ESPN is moving their NBA studio crew to Los Angeles to double down on, gulp, Magic Johnson...

Not only is ESPN investing more time in one of the most overvalued studio analysts, they're shunning the use of a conventional studio host, swapping Stu Scott for Chriss Broussard?!?  The move does give Broussard a bigger platform for some of his more infamous "reporting."  At least we can all rejoice that it's Broussard instead of Screamin' A.  Still, this fearsome foursome has the makings for trainwreck television on a weekly basis.

Perhaps ESPN has been wowed by their NFL show Audibles, where NFL analysts are able to have a free-flowing discussion about topics without the need for a traditional point man.  But, ESPN's missing the fact that Inside the NBA's MVP isn't Charles Barkley, it's Ernie Johnson.  EJ is the glue that makes Inside the NBA what it is because he allows guys like Kenny, Chuck, and C-Web to be the stars of the show.

Who will fill that role on the new ESPN studio crew?  Mike Wilbon might be practiced at forced debate, but can he really play point guard with the likes of Jon Barry and Magic Johnson?  Has Magic Johnson said anything interesting or relevant that wasn't about the Lakers?  WIll Chris Broussard have any news or insight to break that isn't about LeBron? (Don't forget he was handpicked by Camp LeBron to break his move to the Heat before the Decision.)  And God forbid this becomes another cavalcade of celebrity catastrophes by moving to L.A. like those awful MNF celebrity interviews.

You know what... on second thought, maybe this will be must-see TV.... as the worst pregame show in the history of sports.  Someone get Shannon Sharpe on the phone quick, because these guys are going to have to practice hard on their forced laughter and hijinx.

Update: Jim Miller also reports that ESPN and ABC couldn't come to an agreement to have perhaps their most popular NBA pundit appear on the air.  Bill Simmons.

ESPNBook Months of talks have failed for @sportsguy33 to join ESPN/ABC NBA shows. Yes, he's got @Grantland33, but something needed to be worked out.

It's hard to believe it would be so difficult for ESPN to have their top online presence appear on television, let alone the guy that literally wrote the book on basketball.  What would be keeping Simmons from appearing on ESPN airwaves covering the NBA?  Whatever the case, it's just another missed opportunity for the leader.

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Craig James finally left ESPN officially on Monday to launch his campaign to win the Republican nomination for a United States Senate seat out of Texas.  Although it'll be fun to watch James prance around in a cowboy hat and talk to voters about his values, he has absolutely zero chance of winning.  He's a toxic name in West Texas.  He has zero political experience.  His top Google searches involve five dead hookers (thanks EDSBS).  He's entering the race late and behind on everything.  And to top it all off, he's somewhere between Snooki and Jim Traficant on the electability scale.  

This means that it'll be all the more fun to watch his campaign go down in flames.  But it also got me thinking... what announcers or television sports personalities would actually be electable?  Who in sports media would you cast a vote for?  While I'm not advocating the people below would actually make great politicians (although we can't do much worse than what we got now), they would certainly have the ability to get over with voters.  You have to be smart, likable, stay on message, and connect with commoners like you and me to make this prestigious list...

Kirk Herbstreit, ESPN College Football Analyst

Herbie would be the total package as a political candidate.  Well spoken, good looks, and incredibly popular for a number of years in an increasingly polarizing world of college football.  He's become one of the top analysts in the country and rarely will you find anyone to say a bad word about Herbie.  Plus, he proved earlier this year his ability to handle crisis situations with poise.

James Brown, NFL Today Host

Watch a full hour of The NFL Today and you'll see that the buffoonery James Brown deals with on a weekly basis is the perfect preparation for dealing with all the clowns in Washington.  Not only is JB an affable personality, but he may be one of the most educated members of the sports media as a Harvard grad.  Just look at that thinking man's pose, too!

Here's a clip that Timberwolves fans (all eight of them) should start getting used to: Ricky Rubio feeding Derrick Williams for the monster slam. T-Wolves announcer Tom Hanneman seems positively giddy to have their own version of Chris Paul and Blake Griffin. Also, take note of the ball smashing the Bucks player under the net in the face. Everyone that's a sports fan is usually unified by how awesome the dunk, especially the alley oop, looks. Once the season begins for real next Sunday, expect a lot more clips like this, and maybe even some more from Minnesota...

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December 19th, 2011.  Let it go down as one of the greatest days in the history of Awful Announcing.

The day Craig James officially left ESPN to run for the United States Senate.

Josh Krulewitz from ESPN PR made the announcement via Twitter...

Craig James is gone!  We're free!  And now we all get to watch him attempt a politcal campaign that will likely border on the absurdity of Donald Trump and the Rent Is Too Damn High Guy!  What a glorious day!  Merry Christmas Bedford Falls!!!

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Thom Brennaman and Brian Billick called the Lions game again this week and managed to be a little bit more bearable than last week's game, during which they were so gung ho on their pre-game plan that they lost all control of themselves when they were "finally, finally" able to play it up. For the greater part of this week's game, they didn't draw all that much attention to themselves, which is never a bad thing. There were a couple things that stuck out, though.

On the opening kickoff of the second half, Raiders backup safety Jerome Boyd blindsided Lions backup cornerback Don Carey with a helmet-to-helmet hit that wiped out a huge return. Brennaman handled it well while maintaining his composure, realizing almost as soon as the flag hit the ground that the play would be coming back as a result of the hit. After a few replays and some thoughts from Billick, it appeared FOX was headed for a commercial break as Carey ran off the field (you can even hear a bit of commercial music in the background). They didn't, though, and instead captured Boyd gloating on the sidelines. That's when Brennaman interjected with what's in my opinion his best commentary since the Magglio home run [clean video from Guyism]:

Brennaman should've put the mic away right there and called it a career. A-plus, but then he went and turned himself into the clown.

With the Lions down 13 points and facing a fourth-and-two inside the Red Zone with six minutes left in the game, Brennaman seriously suggested the Lions should just take the three points. Of course, Brennaman is not the first announcer ever to imply he'd make a terrible head coach. But usually when one announcer loses all common sense, his partner chimes in to clear the situation up and they move on. Maybe because he didn't feel comfortable with Brian Billick being the voice of reason, Brennaman stubbornly went to the commercial break teasing a discussion about why the Lions wouldn't just kick a field goal (to make it 27-17) and "try to get the ball back one more time." Either Brennaman's math failed him miserably or he thinks touchdowns are worth more in the fourth quarter. Listen:

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The following amazing goal comes courtesy of the Dutch second division and Bart van Brakel of Den Bosch.  He incredibly scores from the halfway line, but the clip also doubles as our crazy foreign soccer announcer clip of the week.  Listen to this announcer give a Wookiesque yell as the ball sails into the net.  Either that, or he happens to be gargling warm salt water during the game.  Here I thought weird announcing noises were only reserved for Chris Berman...

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ESPN's conflicting role in major college football, particularly the Russian roulette game of conference realignment, has been well documented.  However, Division I-A football and the bowls are only a small slice of college athletics televised by ESPN.  ESPN's contract with the NCAA to broadcast real championship tournaments isn't to be confused with the agreements between respective conferences and pointless things like the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl.  

In fact, the leader has quite the array of NCAA championships on the family of networks, which will only expand thanks to a massive new extension just agreed upon.  ESPN will add seven new NCAA championships in an agreement that goes until 2024.  2024!!  ESPN will just be lucky there even will be an NCAA by then... ya know, if Jim Delany's plan for world domination works out.  Here's the announcement from Bristol...

The new agreement includes 600-plus hours and 300 telecasts of live coverage annually across more platforms than ever before. It contains rights for ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNU, ESPN3, ESPN 3D, ESPN Mobile, ESPN FULL COURT, GamePlan, Buzzer Beater, Goal Line, ESPN International, ESPN Deportes, ESPN.com and WatchESPN, with many of the 24 championships produced in high definition on ESPN HD, ESPN2 HD and ESPNU HD.

Exclusive coverage of the Division I Women’s Basketball Championship and broad rights covering the NCAA Division I Football Championship, and the Men’s and Women’s College World Series, among others, will continue on the ESPN networks.

“We have enjoyed a great relationship with the NCAA that has spanned the history of ESPN,” said George Bodenheimer, President, ESPN and ABC Sports, and Co-Chairman, Disney Media Networks. “This is our most comprehensive agreement yet and ensures sports fans will have access to top-level NCAA athletics across ESPN networks and platforms.”

ESPN is adding coverage of seven NCAA championships: National Collegiate women’s gymnastics, National Collegiate men’s and women’s fencing, Division I women’s lacrosse, Division I men’s and women’s outdoor track & field and National Collegiate women’s bowling (previously sublicensed from CBS). ESPN will also air additional preliminary round coverage of selected NCAA championships including Division I football (FCS), Division I women’s volleyball, Division I softball and Division I baseball.

ESPN has televised several NCAA championships in the past week - from D I-AA, D-II, and D-III football to soccer to the NCAA volleyball championship.  Basically, ESPN's extension with the NCAA is a way to further dominate the college scene and give even more live televised sports rights to feed their monstrous collection of networks and platforms.  While none of the sports listed above are quite the needle movers and money makers the BCS and March Madness are, the sheer amount of televisied college sports is impressive.  And who knows, by 2024, maybe men's and women's fencing becomes the next ridiculously popular niche sport???

[ESPN Media Zone]

Ed Note: And speaking of NCAA champions, a friend of ours and former staff writer at Awful Announcing, Aaron Torres, has written the definitive book on the 2011 Division I Men's Basketball National Champions - the UConn Huskies.  The Unlikeliest Champion features interviews with top college basketball analysts like Jay Bilas, coaches, and others close to the UConn program.  The book features many behind the scenes stories and tells of UConn's improbable journey to the top.  Having worked with Aaron closely at Bloguin, I can definitely tell you it'll be worth the read.  You can visit the book's website for more info and to order a copy.  Check it out!

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Yesterday, the New Engalnd Patriots ended the six game winning streak of the Denver Broncos.  However, that wasn't the biggest story to come out of Denver.  Neither was the play of Tom Brady.  And, believe it or not, the biggest story out of the Patriots-Broncos game wasn't even Tim Tebow.  In fact, dare I say we finally found a story big enough to eclipse the impossible heights of TebowMania.  And to think all it took was tiny monkeys, riding dogs, herding sheep at halftime in Denver.  Here's the video evidence...

For what it's worth, this is the only time in the last two months I've seen anything draw more attention at any given time than Tim Tebow.  Apparently, the sheep herding, dog riding, monkey wizards are a traveling act.  There's extended footage set to Americana music here.  Just knowing this video made us forget about Tim Tebow, if only for a short period of time, can hopefully release us from the grips of TebowMania forever.  We've seen the light people!

Sadly though, it has to come at the expense of these poor, vulnerable, adorable little monkeys.  Does TebowMania speak worse of us as a culture than forcing little monkeys to ride dogs for entertainment?  Sure, a monkey riding a dog is all fun and games now, but really, it's only a matter of time before monkeys start doing more advanced tricks.  Then they're sold as pets, and one thing leads to another and you got a massive ape revolt on your hands.  Oh well, after living through TebowMania, maybe a full blown ape conquest wouldn't be so bad... although now that I think about it, as one of the eight people that has seen every Planet of the Apes movie, I can tell you the chronological ending isn't necessarily a great outcome for anyone...

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Dick Stockton is this close to winning the first ever Straight Outta Stockton awards.  Can Billick, Simms, or Gruden pull a Denver Broncos like comeback in the final three weeks?  You can check the comments below in the SOS open thread and our Twitter timeline for all submissions.  You can also tweet us by using the hashtag #SOSAA to send in quotes.  Then, we'll be back on Tuesdays with 15-20 nominees and you'll vote on our Top 10 for the week.  SOS winners will be announced Thursdays with updated standings.  Below you can find the links to last week's Top 10 and up to the second standings along with this week's NFL announcing schedule with broadcast maps.  

Week 14 Dickies Winners & Standings

Week 15 NFL Announcing Schedule 

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"That's not unlike last Sunday night when the Cowboys thought they had Dallas put away." - Mike Mayock (via bigddan11)

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