If you have Time Warner Cable or Bright House cable and are a NFL fan, you may have to sit down for this. Also try not to break anything.

After weeks of negotiations which were spun as "We're making progress! Almost there!" Time Warner and NFL Network have called off negotiations for the cable operator to carry the channel as well as the NFL RedZone, the quick paced live action channel covering the whole league, which is surging in popularity. 

From Ad Week:

"Sources said the Oct. 7 talks between the NFL and the nation’s No. 2 cable operator became so heated that both sides walked out of a Time Warner Cable conference room without scheduling a follow-up meeting.

Just two months ago, TWC subs were given reason to believe that a deal would be worked out before the season began."

The year of drawn out negotiations hit the fan again as the tens of millions of subscribers of Time Warner Cable and their sister cable operator, Bright House, seem to be out of luck in getting the channel before live games start up in November.

While eight games is a big loss for NFL fans considering they all air during exclusive time windows, a bigger sense of loss stems form the fact that fans will be deprived of NFL RedZone which the NFL likes to bundle into the negotiations. The tactic has worked for MLB and the NBA who have tied carriage of their channel to game packages that fans clamor for.

While it seems laughable that the two sides can't come together, there has long been bad blood between the two organizations that traces back to 2006...

From the dedicated, dare I say heroic individual behind the awesome Occupy Herbstreit tumblr...

"This protest is probably being announced by Pam Ward."

I suppose Pam Ward's announcing would be one way to disperse crowds.  Wall Street could also probably recruit Craig James and his cowboy hat to help break up the protesters... or possibly incite them even more.  Yea, probably incite.

For the record, AA supports all of Occupy Herbstreit's demands, including free nachos and physical documentation of Dr. Lou's PhD.  We'd also suggest adding "banishing Matt Millen and Craig James to the CFL" to the list of demands.  Sorry, Canada.

H/T sundevilpeg

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While many on Twitter were screaming foul in terms of the announcing effort put forth during last night's Monday Night Football game, the harsh reality is ESPN doesn't have much to work with given the lackluster matchup of the Jets and Dolphins. In fact, looking at the 2011 Monday Night Football schedule it's painfully obvious that regardless of whatever the ratings tell us, this could be one extremely dull year. 

For years, Howard Katz, the NFL's main scheduling guru has been revered for his ability to maximize ratings and more importantly keep all the NFL's television partners happy. Starting in 2006 when Monday Night Football moved to ESPN and Sunday Night Football moved onto network television with NBC, the scheduling gods have been less thank kind to ESPN's biggest asset.

When this year's schedule came out, we were pretty unimpressed with this year's slate of games. Injuries have only compounded the problem as the Colts and Chiefs are a shell of what they were last year. Take a look at the full schedule below which will leave you as bewildered and unenthused as being handed a menu at a Vegan restaurant...

The first slate of nominees for the Dick Stockton Chronicles, more affectionately known as Straight Outta Stockton is finally here!  To celebrate, NFL announcers around the country offered AA a smorgasboard of amusingly awful quotes.  Particularly impressive was one Brian Billick, who leads the pack with 3 nominees.  Dick Stockton, Jon Gruden, and Phil Simms also look like they will be among the frontrunners for the Dickies crown.

As to how the Straight Outta Stockton vote works, each week we'll nominate 15-20 quotes for you to pick the best 10.  The winning quote of the week will earn that person 10 points all the way down to 1 point for 10th.  Remember, you can vote for your favorite five quotes.  Here are your Week 6 nominees...

1) "You've got a lot of beef up in there" - Brian Billick (via MatttheKuhn)

2) "There it is! Knee's down! Wait, I don't know." - Phil Simms (via bjo109)

3) "There he is, lined up in the slot. Wait, no he's not." - Dick Stockton (via bjo109)

4) "Endonken Sue." -Tony Siragusa (via SFOrangeMan)

5) "I'm just gonna guess it's a run, you know why? I'm watching the left tackle... Oh I was wrong" - Phil Simms (via TheLoadedOne)

6) "This is the new Michael Westbrook, Brian Westbrook excuse me." - Brian Billick (via BloggerJustinF) AGAIN calls Brian Westbrook Michael.

7) "Alex Smith steps up in the pocket and completely exposes himself" - Moose Johnston (via djstevem)

8) "This is a good place for a fake FG. Why not. I mean punt." - Rich Gannon (via ConnorKeisel) when OAK is punting from near its own 40

9) "When a stat says 'most in the' NFL and it's a positive stat thats an accomplishment." -Dan Dierdorf (via AdamGeyer)

10) "A team that was 2-14 last season is now dancing for joy in Charlotte" - Dick Stockton (via JoshGrahamECU).  Dick, we're still 1-4.

11) "Vick, he's a little woozy right now. They are holding him up like a punch-drunk boxer." - Brian Billick (via BloggerJustinF)

12) "Duh, winning!" - Bob Costas (via many people) quoting Charlie Sheen.

13) "Jay's gonna unleash this one, trying to squeeze into that tight, little hole" - Cris Collinsworth (via gooner_)

14) "When you're the Dolphins, and you're winless, you need to win bad" - Jon Gruden (via kenosando)

15) "Lets Snooki our way back to the Jersey Shore" - Chris Berman (via JKoenAU)

16) "I needed a nickname for Revis so i went with 'all of the time.' Breakfast, lunch, and dinner." - Jon Gruden (via bjo109)

17) "If this was an election, he'd have all 10,000 votes." - Al Michaels (via snelson66) Because we only have as many people as lakes in MN.

18) "The Lions undefeated season is over... for now" - Scott Hanson (via Real_DWM) uhh.. Scott, it's over period.

Vote For Your Week 6 Dickies Nominees! (vote for up to five)

The winners will come Thursday morning so make sure you vote early and often and check back for the full NFL Week 7 announcing sked later this week!

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It's hard to believe TBS has been broadcasting part of MLB's postseason since 2007.  In the years since their debut on the big stage, TBS has gone through some major growing pains.  Gone (thankfully) is Chip Caray as the main play-by-play voice.  Gone are some of the production snafus that plagued TBS in some of its early broadcasts as a national baseball broadcaster.  And hey, at least they don't have Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.  However, as this 2011 postseason has taught us, TBS still has some way to go to be a completely respected source for baseball's postseason, even if they have improved since 2007.  So with another playoffs under their belts, let's examine the good, bad, and ugly of TBS's postseason coverage.

The Good

-Although none of the announcers TBS employed have a one-way ticket to the Hall of Fame, their stable of announcers showed a remarkable amount of quality depth.  Brian Anderson, who broadcasts Brewers games during the season, stepped in quite admirably for the network's normal #1 Ernie Johnson.  It was unfortunate that Johnson couldn't broadcast the postseason due to a family health issue, but Anderson stepped in and showed there are some up-and-coming young announcers in the game.  Behind Anderson, Victor Rojas (of the Angels) also scored plaudits for his work in the NLDS between Arizona and Milwaukee.  TBS also showcased a great stable of analysts led by John Smoltz, Bob Brenly, and Joe Simpson among others.  

John Smoltz especially showed improvement in the booth with his prescient analysis, such as when he predicted Delmon Young would be swinging at the first pitch in Game 3 of the ALDS before the Tigers OF hit a first pitch home run.  In the future, Smoltz could truly develop into one of the game's best analysts without being handcuffed by fellow pitcher Ron Darling, who was often redundant in a three man booth.  The studio crew led by Matt Winer was also tolerable, although Cal Ripken, Dennis Eckersley, and Mitch Williams David Wells won't be pushing Inside the NBA for an Emmy anytime soon.

-Give credit to TBS for continuing to push the technology envelope during their postseason broadcasts with PitchTrax, which charts balls and strikes during every at-bat.  Fans seem polarized on the annoyance of the added graphic, and the PitchTrax doesn't exactly seem to have the best accuracy either.  But, it is enjoyable to see it chart the trends of a pitcher during a single at-bat.  There was graphical evidence there for analysts to use to show if a pitcher was trying to paint the corners or was staying away from a dangerous hitter.  Sure, it might need to have the bugs worked out, but the graphic is more informative and less distracting than ESPN's K Zone, which has begun to be superimposed over home plate during at-bats.  While some may disagree with PitchTrax, I'll bet there were some who didn't like the 1st and 10 line either.

It's an exciting new day in the history of Awful Announcing!  Time to take an AA staple, the Pam Ward Chronicles, to the NFL.  We asked our readers who they wanted to honor with this distinction, and by one solitary vote, Dick Stockton defeated Joe Buck.  I think the Straight Outta Stockton name and the image of Dick hanging with N.W.A. singing Straight Outta Compton pushed it over the top!

The Dickies (that may need a little extra consideration) will work in the same manner as the Pammies.  Throughout the day (and on Monday nights), leave us the most awful, innuendo filled, hilarious, or bizarre quotes that you hear surrounding NFL gamedays.  The Dick Stockton Chronicles will focus on the announcers in the booth, but with men like Chris Berman, Terry Bradshaw, Shannon Sharpe, Trent Dilfer and many others filling studios, we certainly need your watchful eyes on these shows as well.

These AA staples depend on our readers, so leave comments on the Open Thread or tweet us with your Straight Outta Stockton submissions.  Keep in mind we need quotes, and not just general statements about announcers.

NO: Dick Stockton is old and terrible.
YES: "3rd downs are always important. This is the first important 3rd down of the game." - Dick Stockton

We'll try and update the thread as best as we can on Sundays, but you can check the comments below and our Twitter timeline for all submissions.  Then, we'll be back on Tuesdays with 15-20 nominees and you'll vote on our Top 10 for the week.  Dickie winners will be announced Thursdays with updated standings.  

As I leave, believe I'm stompin, but when I come back, boy, I'm comin' straight outta Stockton!

*Update: Don't forget to update our Straight Outta Stockton open thread tonight with the best and worst quotes from Monday Night Football.  With news tonight that "That Guy" Jon Gruden has reupped for five more seasons with MNF, we could be in for a vintage performance from Gruden and Jaws!

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"If I tell you a chicken dips snuff, you better look under his wing for a can!" - Terry Bradshaw (via SoonerCharley)

"Olindo MAH-re." - Dick Stockton (via sctvman) getting his syllAble emphasis mixed up.

Tough play there by Olive Mughelli" - John Lynch (via tojogt08) Um, John, its Ovie Mughelli, but thanks for playing!

"no wide receivers here on 3rd and goal for philadelphia" - Sam Rosen (via bjo109) as they clearly have 3 WRs.

"you've got a lot of beef up in there" - Brian Billick (via MatttheKuhn)

With the end of the Mayan calendar possibly coming before the time we see the NBA again, the new NBA Jam is about as good as a substitute as we could hope for. To celebrate the release of NBA Jam: On Fire Edition, they had Shaq (with a mysterious blueish hue) put his own spin on the NBA Jam series' signature over the top commentary. My personal favorite is a tie between "Frame this for yo momma!" and "freaky deaky dunka potamus!"

I actually downloaded this the other day on a whim and I must say it's absolutely fantastic. I mostly downloaded it because the NBA Jam announcer's phrases have become part of my daily lexicon since I picked this up for Super Nintendo, but it's pretty great and the commentary is thankfully still as wild as ever. Plus, it's always satisfying to see Chris Kaman do three flips before slamming it down over Rik Smits (there's a substantial amount of historic players in the game).

So far I haven't found a team that can compete with the greatest videogame team of all-time, the Seattle SuperSonics (Kemp and Payton) from the OG edition of NBA Jam. Still, few things I've found as satisfying as two hand shoving fools online 40 times a game with Bill Laimbeer in videogames. If you got $15 and are fiending for some NBA basketball, definitely consider picking this one up.

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Indy 500 champ Dan Wheldon was tragically killed in yesterday's season ending IndyCar race in Las Vegas.  Ben praised SportsCenter's handling of the story this morning, but ABC's live coverage is also worth lifting up.  The 15 car accident that involved Wheldon caused a red flag that stopped the race for over an hour.  With no updates on Wheldon's condition, the somber mood of the commentators and the interviews for such a lengthy race delay told the viewer something was seriously wrong without saying the words.

As I was watching the NFL like every other Sunday in the Fall, I kept turning back to ABC to see what was happening and if there was an update on Wheldon's condition after I found out about the crash on Twitter.  I'm more of a race fan than the average sports fan, but admittedly haven't watched a lot of racing in the last five years.  IndyCar racing is nowhere near as popular as it was in its heyday in the 60s, 70s, and 80s.  There are a number of factors involved including the rise in NASCAR, the CART/IndyCar split, and the current sports landscape.  I can tell you though that the Indy 500 is by far my favorite event to attend as a sports fan.  In fact, one of the races I attended was Dan Wheldon's rookie year in 2003 when he flipped upside down coming out of Turn 3 late in the race.  

The thrill and speed of auto racing is unmatched in sports, but so is the danger, as it always has been.  My dad attended the Indy 500 for many years and was there in 1964 for the firery crash that killed Eddie Sachs and Dave MacDonald.  That horrifying crash introduced safer fuels, and the advancements in safety have greatly improved thoughout the decades.  Sometimes, that only happens after the worst on-track events sadly.  However, any advance in safety can never fully remove the chance the worst tragedy can strike.  It's unfortunate that only after a great racer's death do we actually think about the extreme danger in auto racing and pay tribute to what these drivers are willing to risk for a great sport they love, like Dan Wheldon.

Wheldon was a brilliant driver and a captivating personality.  An IndyCar series champion, two-time Indy 500 champion, and someone who drove and lived with charisma and flair often lacking in a sport defined by robotic drivers whose public relations consist of little more than thanking sponsors.  The cruel irony of the day was that Wheldon had regained a full-time ride in the morning with Michael Andretti, replacing Danica Patrick (moving to NASCAR) in the GoDaddy car.  Wheldon had won Indy as a parttime driver and spent the year testing the new 2012 car for the series.  He was racing in Vegas as part of a gimmicky $5 million sponsorship deal that offered a huge cash bonus to any non-regular driver that could win from the back of the field.  Yahoo Sports has a great reflection on Wheldon's last year and his life that is worth the read.

It's an impossible situation for a broadcast, but the ABC booth of Marty Reid, former Indy 500 champ Eddie Cheever, and Scott Goodyear and the pit reporters were appropriately somber and hopeful that good news would emerge regarding Wheldon.  I've always loved Cheever on broadcasts because of his thoughtfulness and outspokenness.  The inner conflict within him and Goodyear as broadcasters and racers was laid out for viewers as they discussed the danger of the race at Vegas, the safety of the cars, and their inner drive to push the ultimate limit.  

As soon as a drivers meeting was called, I expected the worst.  When the drivers emerged not doing interviews and teams were seen hugging and praying, the worst was coming.  

The network missed the official announcement of Wheldon's death and only caught the tail end of the announcement made by CEO Randy Bernard.  It's tough to criticize ABC though imagining the chaos behind the scenes.  But, Marty Reid made the announcement and ABC went forward with poignant coverage of the five lap tribute to Dan Wheldon.  Dario Franchitti was shown in his cockpit crying, team members and drivers were shown consoling each other on pit lane and the broadcast crew didn't need to add many words to capture the moment.  Covering this event is nothing a broadcast can prepare for, but ABC did as good as could be expected paying tribute to Wheldon and covering the tragedy appropriately.  ABC then went silent for the five lap tribute in what was perhaps the most graceful, heartwrenching sports television I've ever seen.  The video of the tribute is below, including Marty Reid's heartfelt sendoff at around the 10:50 mark in the video...

"Many people ask me why I always sign off 'Till we meet again.' Because goodbye is always so final. Goodbye, Dan Wheldon." - Marty Reid

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Big news in broadcasting today as ESPN announced it has signed MNF analyst Jon Gruden to a five year "exclusive" deal that will keep him out of coaching and off the sidelines for the length of the deal.  The deal starts in 2012, so that means you'll be hearing "THIS GUY" through the 2016 season.  Below are quotes from ESPN Executive VP Norby Williamson and Gruden himself on the extension...

"Our Monday Night Football crew is special, and to have the opportunity to continue to be a part of this team, working these big-time NFL prime time games every week on ESPN, I’m fired up," - Jon Gruden

“Jon has made a remarkable transition from Super Bowl-winning head coach to one of the premier football analysts in our business. His long-term commitment to ESPN will continue to elevate our Monday Night Football presentation and we look forward to finding even more opportunities to take advantage of his passion for football and unique insights into the game.” - Norby Williamson

We poke fun at Gruden's "this guys" and constant praise for everyone that enters an NFL stadium, but hopefully this decision to stay in the booth for an extended period of time will give him the freedom to be a bit more cutting in his analysis.  Whether you love or hate Gruden as an analyst, the games are more interesting with his energy and unique personality.  Crappy MNF games (Jets/Dolphins, hello!) don't help, but Gruden brings insight and enthusiasm to the booth.  He has the potential to be this generation's John Madden with ESPN's multiplatform capabilities including Gruden's QB Camp, and his enjoyable work on the NFL Draft. 

I like Gruden in the booth and think he adds something to Monday Night Football at ESPN.  It's a coup for the leader to sell the "exclusiveness" of the deal as it will apparently lock him in the booth for the foreseeable future.  

And, it means Gruden will be a perennial contender for the Dickies!  That's a not so subtle way to promote our NFL Pammy Awards, so tweet and comment your best Grudenisms to us tonight!

And, most of all, it's five more years of chances for Gruden to say the name SAN-ZEN-BACH-ER!!!

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The heavy hitters are out in full force this week as all of our Pammy leaders come strong.  Quite a few innuendo filled, probably-taken-out-of-context, giggle inducing quotes fill our Week 7 nominees.  The fact that are first quote involves "Trojans" "come" and "Giggity" is enough to let you know the direction of the Pammies this week.  Also, don't forget to stay tuned tomorrow for our first ever Straight Outta Stockton nominees for the NFL version of the Pammies.  Who knows, we may also put the winning college and NFL quotes together each week for a vote and search for our Ultimate Quote Of The Year?

As a reminder as to how the Pammy vote works, each week we'll nominate 15-20 quotes for you to pick the best 10.  The winning quote of the week will earn that person 10 points all the way down to 1 point for 10th.  Remember, you can vote for your favorite five quotes.  Here are your Week 7 nominees...

1) "Six Trojans are going to come" - Craig James (via SenatorGiggity)

2) "Well-dressed Joe Tessitore eats well, is a legend." - Jesse Palmer (via BenBeach) is just killing it tonight.

3) "When that USC band started to play, what was the first thing we thought? Trojans." - Craig James (via jasondschwartz)

4) "I think he did a one handed job right there." - Rod Gilmore (via jamiedupler)

5) "When Cousins is hot, he's the best passer in the game." - Dave Pasch (via bjo109).  Kirk Cousins?  Really?  Really?

6) "he's a dirty player. i'm not saying he's a dirty player but he's on his way to being a dirty player." - Chris Spielman (via bjo109)

7) "Sometimes I think you out-create yourself." - Matt Millen (via sctvman)

8) "You are hearing Rocky Top the national anthem of Tennessee" - Verne Lundquist (via many)

9) "A good job squirting through there!" - Pam Ward (via sctvman)

10) "Tebow would be here tonight, but he's starting for the Broncos tomorrow." - Brent Musburger (via davidreeves9071).  Tebow was on a bye.  I guess you wouldn't know watching ESPN this week though.

11) "Momentum has no allegiance, but right now it's on the Vanderbilt sideline." - Bob Rathbun (via JoeKovacJr)

12) "I knew right away because it felt different under there." - Gary Danielson (via sjwest86) on accidentally lining under a guard

13) "The Tigers need to win two games, but they can't do that without a victory tonight."- Charles Davis (via KSJ49) during ALCS promo

14) "Every time Clemson gets slapped in the face, they get off the mat." - Clay Matvick (via glokkenspx)

15) "Arizona won't be outscored in this one" - Lee Corso (via bjo109) when talking about ASU/Oregon

16) "What a good get off he had." - Matt Millen (via sjwest86)

Vote For Your Week 7 Pammy Nominees! (vote for up to five)

The winners will come Wednesday morning so make sure you vote early and often and check back for the full Week 8 announcing sked later this week!

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