Craig James finally left ESPN officially on Monday to launch his campaign to win the Republican nomination for a United States Senate seat out of Texas.  Although it'll be fun to watch James prance around in a cowboy hat and talk to voters about his values, he has absolutely zero chance of winning.  He's a toxic name in West Texas.  He has zero political experience.  His top Google searches involve five dead hookers (thanks EDSBS).  He's entering the race late and behind on everything.  And to top it all off, he's somewhere between Snooki and Jim Traficant on the electability scale.  

This means that it'll be all the more fun to watch his campaign go down in flames.  But it also got me thinking... what announcers or television sports personalities would actually be electable?  Who in sports media would you cast a vote for?  While I'm not advocating the people below would actually make great politicians (although we can't do much worse than what we got now), they would certainly have the ability to get over with voters.  You have to be smart, likable, stay on message, and connect with commoners like you and me to make this prestigious list...

Kirk Herbstreit, ESPN College Football Analyst

Herbie would be the total package as a political candidate.  Well spoken, good looks, and incredibly popular for a number of years in an increasingly polarizing world of college football.  He's become one of the top analysts in the country and rarely will you find anyone to say a bad word about Herbie.  Plus, he proved earlier this year his ability to handle crisis situations with poise.

James Brown, NFL Today Host

Watch a full hour of The NFL Today and you'll see that the buffoonery James Brown deals with on a weekly basis is the perfect preparation for dealing with all the clowns in Washington.  Not only is JB an affable personality, but he may be one of the most educated members of the sports media as a Harvard grad.  Just look at that thinking man's pose, too!

Here's a clip that Timberwolves fans (all eight of them) should start getting used to: Ricky Rubio feeding Derrick Williams for the monster slam. T-Wolves announcer Tom Hanneman seems positively giddy to have their own version of Chris Paul and Blake Griffin. Also, take note of the ball smashing the Bucks player under the net in the face. Everyone that's a sports fan is usually unified by how awesome the dunk, especially the alley oop, looks. Once the season begins for real next Sunday, expect a lot more clips like this, and maybe even some more from Minnesota...

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December 19th, 2011.  Let it go down as one of the greatest days in the history of Awful Announcing.

The day Craig James officially left ESPN to run for the United States Senate.

Josh Krulewitz from ESPN PR made the announcement via Twitter...

Craig James is gone!  We're free!  And now we all get to watch him attempt a politcal campaign that will likely border on the absurdity of Donald Trump and the Rent Is Too Damn High Guy!  What a glorious day!  Merry Christmas Bedford Falls!!!

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Thom Brennaman and Brian Billick called the Lions game again this week and managed to be a little bit more bearable than last week's game, during which they were so gung ho on their pre-game plan that they lost all control of themselves when they were "finally, finally" able to play it up. For the greater part of this week's game, they didn't draw all that much attention to themselves, which is never a bad thing. There were a couple things that stuck out, though.

On the opening kickoff of the second half, Raiders backup safety Jerome Boyd blindsided Lions backup cornerback Don Carey with a helmet-to-helmet hit that wiped out a huge return. Brennaman handled it well while maintaining his composure, realizing almost as soon as the flag hit the ground that the play would be coming back as a result of the hit. After a few replays and some thoughts from Billick, it appeared FOX was headed for a commercial break as Carey ran off the field (you can even hear a bit of commercial music in the background). They didn't, though, and instead captured Boyd gloating on the sidelines. That's when Brennaman interjected with what's in my opinion his best commentary since the Magglio home run [clean video from Guyism]:

Brennaman should've put the mic away right there and called it a career. A-plus, but then he went and turned himself into the clown.

With the Lions down 13 points and facing a fourth-and-two inside the Red Zone with six minutes left in the game, Brennaman seriously suggested the Lions should just take the three points. Of course, Brennaman is not the first announcer ever to imply he'd make a terrible head coach. But usually when one announcer loses all common sense, his partner chimes in to clear the situation up and they move on. Maybe because he didn't feel comfortable with Brian Billick being the voice of reason, Brennaman stubbornly went to the commercial break teasing a discussion about why the Lions wouldn't just kick a field goal (to make it 27-17) and "try to get the ball back one more time." Either Brennaman's math failed him miserably or he thinks touchdowns are worth more in the fourth quarter. Listen:

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The following amazing goal comes courtesy of the Dutch second division and Bart van Brakel of Den Bosch.  He incredibly scores from the halfway line, but the clip also doubles as our crazy foreign soccer announcer clip of the week.  Listen to this announcer give a Wookiesque yell as the ball sails into the net.  Either that, or he happens to be gargling warm salt water during the game.  Here I thought weird announcing noises were only reserved for Chris Berman...

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ESPN's conflicting role in major college football, particularly the Russian roulette game of conference realignment, has been well documented.  However, Division I-A football and the bowls are only a small slice of college athletics televised by ESPN.  ESPN's contract with the NCAA to broadcast real championship tournaments isn't to be confused with the agreements between respective conferences and pointless things like the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl.  

In fact, the leader has quite the array of NCAA championships on the family of networks, which will only expand thanks to a massive new extension just agreed upon.  ESPN will add seven new NCAA championships in an agreement that goes until 2024.  2024!!  ESPN will just be lucky there even will be an NCAA by then... ya know, if Jim Delany's plan for world domination works out.  Here's the announcement from Bristol...

The new agreement includes 600-plus hours and 300 telecasts of live coverage annually across more platforms than ever before. It contains rights for ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNU, ESPN3, ESPN 3D, ESPN Mobile, ESPN FULL COURT, GamePlan, Buzzer Beater, Goal Line, ESPN International, ESPN Deportes, ESPN.com and WatchESPN, with many of the 24 championships produced in high definition on ESPN HD, ESPN2 HD and ESPNU HD.

Exclusive coverage of the Division I Women’s Basketball Championship and broad rights covering the NCAA Division I Football Championship, and the Men’s and Women’s College World Series, among others, will continue on the ESPN networks.

“We have enjoyed a great relationship with the NCAA that has spanned the history of ESPN,” said George Bodenheimer, President, ESPN and ABC Sports, and Co-Chairman, Disney Media Networks. “This is our most comprehensive agreement yet and ensures sports fans will have access to top-level NCAA athletics across ESPN networks and platforms.”

ESPN is adding coverage of seven NCAA championships: National Collegiate women’s gymnastics, National Collegiate men’s and women’s fencing, Division I women’s lacrosse, Division I men’s and women’s outdoor track & field and National Collegiate women’s bowling (previously sublicensed from CBS). ESPN will also air additional preliminary round coverage of selected NCAA championships including Division I football (FCS), Division I women’s volleyball, Division I softball and Division I baseball.

ESPN has televised several NCAA championships in the past week - from D I-AA, D-II, and D-III football to soccer to the NCAA volleyball championship.  Basically, ESPN's extension with the NCAA is a way to further dominate the college scene and give even more live televised sports rights to feed their monstrous collection of networks and platforms.  While none of the sports listed above are quite the needle movers and money makers the BCS and March Madness are, the sheer amount of televisied college sports is impressive.  And who knows, by 2024, maybe men's and women's fencing becomes the next ridiculously popular niche sport???

[ESPN Media Zone]

Ed Note: And speaking of NCAA champions, a friend of ours and former staff writer at Awful Announcing, Aaron Torres, has written the definitive book on the 2011 Division I Men's Basketball National Champions - the UConn Huskies.  The Unlikeliest Champion features interviews with top college basketball analysts like Jay Bilas, coaches, and others close to the UConn program.  The book features many behind the scenes stories and tells of UConn's improbable journey to the top.  Having worked with Aaron closely at Bloguin, I can definitely tell you it'll be worth the read.  You can visit the book's website for more info and to order a copy.  Check it out!

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Yesterday, the New Engalnd Patriots ended the six game winning streak of the Denver Broncos.  However, that wasn't the biggest story to come out of Denver.  Neither was the play of Tom Brady.  And, believe it or not, the biggest story out of the Patriots-Broncos game wasn't even Tim Tebow.  In fact, dare I say we finally found a story big enough to eclipse the impossible heights of TebowMania.  And to think all it took was tiny monkeys, riding dogs, herding sheep at halftime in Denver.  Here's the video evidence...

For what it's worth, this is the only time in the last two months I've seen anything draw more attention at any given time than Tim Tebow.  Apparently, the sheep herding, dog riding, monkey wizards are a traveling act.  There's extended footage set to Americana music here.  Just knowing this video made us forget about Tim Tebow, if only for a short period of time, can hopefully release us from the grips of TebowMania forever.  We've seen the light people!

Sadly though, it has to come at the expense of these poor, vulnerable, adorable little monkeys.  Does TebowMania speak worse of us as a culture than forcing little monkeys to ride dogs for entertainment?  Sure, a monkey riding a dog is all fun and games now, but really, it's only a matter of time before monkeys start doing more advanced tricks.  Then they're sold as pets, and one thing leads to another and you got a massive ape revolt on your hands.  Oh well, after living through TebowMania, maybe a full blown ape conquest wouldn't be so bad... although now that I think about it, as one of the eight people that has seen every Planet of the Apes movie, I can tell you the chronological ending isn't necessarily a great outcome for anyone...

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Dick Stockton is this close to winning the first ever Straight Outta Stockton awards.  Can Billick, Simms, or Gruden pull a Denver Broncos like comeback in the final three weeks?  You can check the comments below in the SOS open thread and our Twitter timeline for all submissions.  You can also tweet us by using the hashtag #SOSAA to send in quotes.  Then, we'll be back on Tuesdays with 15-20 nominees and you'll vote on our Top 10 for the week.  SOS winners will be announced Thursdays with updated standings.  Below you can find the links to last week's Top 10 and up to the second standings along with this week's NFL announcing schedule with broadcast maps.  

Week 14 Dickies Winners & Standings

Week 15 NFL Announcing Schedule 

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"That's not unlike last Sunday night when the Cowboys thought they had Dallas put away." - Mike Mayock (via bigddan11)

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Welcome to this week's Screengrab Snafus... where the reunion between Skip Bayless and Woody Paige on Friday's First Take got a bit... personal?  Let's hope the smile on Skip's face is just him continuing to think uncomfortable thoughts about Tim Tebow and not something else (h/t Paul)...

Last weekend's Duke/Washington basketball game on CBS featured this list of father/son combos in college basketball.  2 out of 3 isn't bad, right?  (h/t ccfmrf)

One of our best tweeters, CaptTouchback, sent in this screengrab from the awesome UK-IU game.  You may have seen this along with the famous Tom Crean face, but ESPN happened to give the gamewinning three pointer to the wrong team.  Or, maybe Indiana fans were storming the court to celebrate finishing within 5 points of Kentucky?

The master of the chyron fail, bubbaprog, captured this hilarious snafu from another college basketball game this week.  Temple coach Fran Dunphy is looking strikingly good for his age and coaching for over a century, much younger than former Temple coach John Chaney when he was pacing the sidelines.

And finally, Darren Rovell tweeted this screengrab from the Nashville Fox station advertising Sunday's Titans/Saints game.  Somebody in Nashville is just trying to get back at me and bring a reminder of the Saints' awful loss to the Rams earlier this season.  How else to explain this???

Next week we'll have our favorite Screengrab Snafus of 2011!  Next time, be careful out there!

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The NBA is back on Christmas Day with five games across TNT, ABC, and ESPN.  We know the announcers of the four ABC and ESPN games.  Mike Tirico and Hubie Brown will call Bulls/Lakers at 5 ET on ABC, Dave Pasch and Doris Burke will call Orlando at OKC at 8 ET on ESPN, and Mike Breen and Jeff Van Gundy will call Heat/Mavs at 2:30 on ABC AND Clippers/Warriors from Oakland at 10:30 ET on ESPN.  

You read that correctly.  Bristol's top team will call two different games in two time zones to open the NBA season in one of the more unique announcing situations on record.  Here's what ESPN had to say about this Christmas Day double duty...

ESPN’s lead NBA commentator team of play-by-play announcer Mike Breen and analyst Jeff Van Gundy are planning to call two Christmas Day games. They will begin in Dallas when the defending NBA Champion Mavericks and Finals MVP Dirk Nowitzki host the Miami Heat and its All-Star trio of LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh on Sunday, Dec. 25, at 2:30 p.m. ET. Lisa Salters will be the courtside reporter in Dallas.

Immediately following the game, Breen and Van Gundy will jet to the Bay Area for the head coaching debut of former colleague Mark Jackson with Golden State.  The Warriors will face the Los Angeles Clippers and All-Star Blake Griffin at 10:30 p.m.  Hall of Famer Chris Mullin, a Warriors legend and Jackson’s teammate at St. John’s and with the Indiana Pacers, will join Breen and Van Gundy courtside for the Warriors/Clippers game. Terry Gannon will be the courtside reporter.

Gannon and Mullin will also be on site prepared to announce the game if Breen and Van Gundy have any issues making the trip from Dallas to San Francisco... or if Heat/Mavs happens to go seven overtimes.  It'll be a very unique challenge and experience for Breen and Van Gundy.  I honestly can't remember a broadcast team ever attempting to announce two nationally televised games from two different cities in the same day before, on one of the biggest stages in sports no less with the NBA on Christmas Day.

We got a chance to talk to Breen about the experience.  "I've always considered it an honor and a privilege to do the games on Christmas Day," Breen said.  "And to be able to do two, especially to be there for a dear friend's coaching debut, to see the first night of his fulfilling a dream, to me it's a privilege to be there.  It's a really cool thing and an honor to be able to do it."

Breen and Van Gundy plan on being in Oakland approximately 90 minutes before the opening tip if everything goes according to plan.  The opportunity to announce former colleague Mark Jackson's first game as a head coach was a driving force behind the double duty and ESPN executives brought the idea to Breen and Van Gundy when the revised Christmas Day schedule came out.

"They thought it'd be a really nice thing for Mark for us to fly out there and be there for his first game.  When they called, I thought they were kidding.  We are so thrilled to be there for his first night," Breen exclaimed.  "We don't care what it takes, just to be there that night is going to be really fun for us."

Hopefully Jackson will be mic'd up for the game and we can hear "HAND DOWN, MAN DOWN" periodically from the sidelines.  For what it's worth, Breen isn't giving up hope that Jackson will return to the booth.  "I'm going to see if I can convince him to come back to the booth.  To me it's not too late.  He can go to the front office and tell them he's made a grave mistake and he really wants to work with Jeff and me again," he joked.

As of now, it appears Breen and Van Gundy will be the number one team for ABC and ESPN this year, although Breen told AA the network may try different people throughout the year to fill Mark Jackson's seat.  If a third announcer does join the team, it'll be very tough to duplicate the on-air chemistry and success of Breen, Jackson, and Van Gundy.  

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