Monday Night Football analyst Jon Gruden "stimulates" the Straight Outta Stockton awards this week with his performance from the Saints blowout victory over the Giants in primetime.  Also exploding onto the scene this week is Bengals radio analyst Dave Lapham with a couple gems.  The envelope, please...

10) "Right cheek, left cheek, control all the way through." -Brian Billick (via poundthehole)

9) "When he gets possession there, he doesn't have possession." - Chad Pennington (via bjo109)

8) "Ndamukong Suh is like Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls" - Keyshawn Johnson (via LobShots)

7) "Hardly anything wrong can go bad." - Phil Simms (via AA)

6) "I want to measure the large intestine of andy dalton because this kids got guts like ive never seen" - Dave Lapham (via rossmallaley)

5) "This is an incestuous night" - Mike Mayock (via TheLoadedOne)

4) "The 53 yard touchdown run by Beanie Wells leads to the 22 yard field goal." -Terry Bradshaw (via sctvman)

3) "I don't wanna sound like a cheerleader up here but way to go Brees! That's awesome!" - Jon Gruden (via ConnorKiesel)

2) "If he completes the pass in the endzone, it'll be a touchdown" - Dave Lapham (via kcurr0408)

1)  "Every day Brees comes to work, Payton stimulates him." - Jon Gruden (via CaptTouchback)

Week 12 Top 5 -

1) Dick Stockton 54 pts

2) Phil Simms 45.5 pts

3) Jon Gruden 44 pts

4) Brian Billick 33 pts

5) Mike Tirico 28 pts

Others receiving votes - Chris Berman 15 pts, Dave Lapham 14 pts, Dan Dierdorf 13 pts, Joe Buck 11 pts, Cris Collinsworth 11 pts, Terry Bradshaw 10 pts, Scott Hanson 10 pts, Jim Nantz 10, Rich Gannon 9 pts, Dan Fouts 8.5 pts, Bob Griese 8.5 pts, Troy Aikman 8 pts, Dan Patrick 7 pts, Mike Mayock 6 pts, Jim Mora 6 pts, Daryl Johnston 5 pts, Tim Ryan 5 pts, Al Michaels 4.5, Bob Costas 4 pts, Warren Moon 3 pts, Marv Albert 3 pts, Keyshawn Johnson 3 pts, Chad Pennington 2 pts, Thom Brennaman 2 pts, Tony Siragusa 1 pt, Ron Jaworski 1 pt.

You can check out the Week 13 NFL announcing schedule here.

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Like late in most basketball games that find themselves between nail biter and blowout, the final minute of the North Carolina-Wisconsin game Wednesday night involved a lot of trips to the free throw line and timeouts. After UNC went up 10 near the end, the final minute-oh-three took nearly 20 minutes of real time and long enough to force me to turn my attention elsewhere. Then, Musburger lured me back in with this excited call of a Ben Brust buzzer beater:

Oh, Wisconsin didn't win it or tie it there? You mean all that for a shot that cut a six-point loss in half? Look, half court buzzer beaters are hard to make and rare to see, no doubt, but I have a problem with Musburger making it seem like it was for all the Tostitos. And then Musburger goes on to suggest Wisconsin should have the next day off from practice! It was like Musburger was in deep and covered the spread with that three. "Nevermind that 42-29 rebounding difference or all the other missed shots that led to a three-point loss, take tomorrow off, Wisconsin." No, and I want you to take a look at this, Brent.

Few things in the world can compete with the pageantry and fierce competition that all of America witnessed tonight at the Akron football practice facility. If you just Asked Jeeves about what event I'm talking about, then you weren't nearly as hyped as you should have been for the fist annual LeBrowl game between Team Bron and Team KD. Yep, what you are seeing is something that actually happened on Planet Earth tonight. A flag football game was played by two NBA stars weeks before the season starts that included jerseys being made, announcers and officials being hired, on-screen graphics and thousands who tuned in to watch on the internet.

Somehow it slipped my mind that this clash of the titans was going on tonight so I only tuned in to WITNESS the waning moments of a close one in the 4th quarter. Luckily that was enough time to look like an idiot as I muted the B1G/ACC challenge to point my crappy camera at my crappy computer and populate the internet with possibly the most worthless video it has seen. What I initially saw did not surprise me. LeBron James' team was melting down in the 4th quarter and blowing a lead. To their credit, Team Bron showed some heart and fought back to retake the lead with 30 seconds left. Unfortunately for Heat fans, once again LBJ looked passive in the final minutes as he didn't show initiative and relied on his teammates to make the big play.

Team KD got the ball back with 30 seconds left down by 7 and they were driving. IT WAS INTENSE! LeBron was playing safety and apparently the 6-8 robot was wreaking havoc in the secondary all day as the PBP man predicted he'd end the game with an INT.

Did it hit ground?! Apparently not! I'm surprised the excitement of the moment didn't cause the internet to go down around the nation.

Yep, this might be the first video documented proof of someone taking a knee in a flag football game. And, if you were wondering what a post flag football game interview with LeBron James would look like, he apparently still speaks almost completely in cliches.

A tough loss for sure for Team KD and their sullen captain, Kevin Durant. Now, let's get ready for some revamped talk of "SHOULD LEBRON PLAY IN THE NFL!? LOL! BUT SERIOUSLY, SHOULD HE? IDK. LET'S CHECK HIS TWEETS!" by professional sports pundits.

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Has anyone in the history of civilized society gone through a more dramatic public image transformation as Iron Mike Tyson?  The one time baddest man on the planet, the man who served jailtime for a rape conviction, the man who came back to boxing and bit off a man's ear and then said he wanted to eat his opponent's children.  That guy, that guy Mike Tyson, is now playing starring supporting roles in popular comedies, roasting Charlie Sheen, and most recently, singing classic bossa nova songs on Brazilian television.  You can't make this up!  If you woke somebody up from a 20 year coma and told them Mike Tyson was trying his best Frank Sinatra impersonation, wearing a white tux complete with fedora, and had a tattoo on his face... well, that person would just be in shock.

I'll give Iron Mike one thing, he has more natural musical talent than Ashlee Simpson...

As far as I can piece together from the Caldeirão do Luciano Huck website (thanks to Google Translate), Tyson appeared on the show per request from its host Luciano Huck.  One thing's for sure, this is the most interesting boxing-related news in a long time.  Hopefully a cabaret tour across the states is in Mike's future.

[H/T @Jose3030]

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The last full week of the regular season has come and gone and fittingly, Craig James wins another round of the Pammies.  He's been more dominant than LSU's defense throughout the season and hits a season high total of 28 points in one week!  Then again, if his statement regarding a possible run for office after the season is an indication, this could be his last Pammies appearance for a while.  The envelope please...

10) "ONSIDE KICK! Well, he pooched it." -- Verne Lundquist (via tomatpsu)

9) "Chop blocking is a staple of what Georgia Tech does." - Mark Jones (via sctvman)

8) "I downloaded that ESPN app. It's the greatest thing ever. Greatest thing in the history of mankind." - Sean McDonough (via bloggerjustinf). Sellin' hard for the mothership!

7) "That might've not even gotten a first down...oh it did, by 4 yards." - Gary Danielson (via bj109)

6) "If you're going to stop a guy like Johnson you have to get some penetration" - Craig James (via Wiginator)

5) "I have a feeling this could be one of those PAC 12 games" - Craig James (via notthatJimBurt).  Please, tell me more...

4) "If you play the game of sport, whatever that sport is you're gonna make mistakes." - Craig James (via sctvman)

3) "His left foot was out before his other two." - Brock Huard, apparently the Oregon WR has 3 feet (via tcgb22)

2) "He took his ball off the eyes" - Chris Spielman (via clevelandfan87)

1) "I know a lot of Aggies who are happy they aren't blowing out (Texas)." - Craig James (via sctvman)  Even for Craig James this makes no sense.

Week 13 Top 5 -

1) Craig James 138 pts

2) Matt Millen 77 pts

T3) Pam Ward 60 pts

T3) Gary Danielson 49 pts

5) Chris Spielman 44 pts

Others receiving votes - Brent Musburger 28 pts, Lou Holtz 21 pts, Mark Jones 20 pts, Shaun King 18 pts, Mike Patrick 17 pts,, Lee Corso 17 pts, Gus Johnson 16 pts, Sean McDonough 16 pts, Beth Mowins 16 pts, Brett Favre 13 pts, Jesse Palmer 12 pts, Tom Rinaldi 10 pts, Rod Gilmore 10 pts, Artrell Hawkins 9 pts, Warrick Dunn 9 pts, Verne Lundquist 9 pts, Dan Hawkins 9 pts, Jenn Brown 9 pts, Andre Ware 8 pts, Brock Huard 8 pts, Wendi Nix 7 pts, Steve Martin 7 pts, Tom Cole 7 pts, Danny Kanell 7 pts, Dave Pasch 5 pts, Bill Land 5 pts, Alex Flanagan 4 pts, Mike Morgan 4 pts, Paul Burmeister 4 pts, Joe Tiller 3 pts, Keith Jones 3 pts, Desmond Howard 3 pts, Charles Davis 3 pts, Steve Beuerlein 2 pts, Ray Bentley 2 pts, Scott Van Pelt 2 pts, Kevin Kugler 1 pt, Eric Collins 1 pt, Todd McShay 1 pt, Tim Brando 1 pt.

The Full Week 14 Announcing Schedule has already been released and you can check it here.

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Could Craig James actually be leaving the broadcast booth after the 2011 college football season?  Last week, Bloguin's college football site Crystal Ball Run (where I also work as an Executive Editor at Bloguin.com) received word from a source close to the situation that James plans on leaving the network at the end of the college football season to run for political office.

CBR sought comment directly from James regarding a possible political campaign and exit from ESPN.  To his credit, James responded to the inquiry.  Actually, he offered a classic non-denial instead of merely a "no comment."  James wrote this in an e-mail statement to CBR about a possibly imminent political campaign:

"There are a significant number of strong business leaders in Texas that want me to run for office.  But I love my current job and am heavily involved in college football and focused on my analyst responsibilities."

James' statement is interesting in that it leaves the door wide open for more questions to be asked about a long-rumored run for office, especially promoting his business connections in Texas.  After all, even Urban Meyer flatly denied the initial reports linking him with the Ohio State job.  James' comments don't confirm or refute the information given to CBR about his plans for the future.

In the last six months, AA readers have continually voiced their criticisms of the analyst.  James won our Joe Morgan Memorial Tournament in a landslide to put his face on AA's Mount Rushmore and he currently leads the Pammy Awards by a mile.  We've written about the ethical problems and lack of trust revolving around James several times, so maybe politics is his true calling.

Reports have been spreading for some time regarding James' interest in public office as a Republican candidate.  James himself has made no secret about his desire to save the country.  His organization "Texans For A Better America" was seen by many as a prelude to a run for office and this video reeks of a campaign ad.  In early August, James said this regarding a future political candidacy according to The Hill:

"It's been on my radar for two years. And I've gone around the state and I've listened to people," James said on the "Coffee and Markets" podcast published on the conservative blog RedState. "I do believe right now it's too early to make that decision. In the state of Texas, no one's paying attention to the U.S. Senate race right now other than the hardcores. And I believe that somewhere late in the fall, it will become important and people will start paying attention."

James' name has been associated with the US Senate seat held by Republican Kay Bailey Hutchison, who is not running for re-election in 2012.  The deadline for candidates to file in the Republican primary for the U.S. Senate race in Texas appears to be January 1, so a departure around the end of the bowl season would make sense.  We'll be following this story closely and will seek more information as it becomes available.

A shoutout to the entire Crystal Ball Run staff for their work on this story.

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With the playoff picture heating up, keep an eye on Falcons @ Texans (Jake Delhomme!), Tebow, Bengals @ Steelers, and Lions @ Saints in particular, although almost all games have some implications in play. 

Here are your broadcast maps courtesty of The 506.

Thursday, December 1

Philadelphia Eagles @ Seattle Seahawks (NFLN 8:20PM) Brad Nessler, Mike Mayock, Alex Flanagan

Sunday, December 4

Atlanta Falcons @ Houston Texans (FOX 1PM) Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston, Tony Siragusa
Denver Broncos @ Minnesota Vikings (FOX 1PM) Thom Brennaman, Brian Billick, Laura Okmin
Carolina Panthers @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (FOX 1PM) Ron Pitts, Jim Mora
Cincinnati Bengals @ Pittsburgh Steelers (CBS 1PM) Jim Nantz, Phil Simms
Oakland Raiders @ Miami Dolphins (CBS 1PM) Greg Gubel, Dan Dierdorf
New York Jets @ Washington Redskins (CBS 1PM) Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts
Kansas City Chiefs @ Chicago Bears (CBS 1PM) Kevin Harlan, Solomon Wilcots
Indianapolis Colts @ New England Patriots (CBS 1PM) Marv Albert, Rich Gannon
Tennessee Titans @ Buffalo Bills (CBS 1PM) Spero Dedes, Steve Beurelein

Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns (CBS 4PM) Bill Macatee, Steve Tasker
Green Bay Packers @ New York Giants (FOX 4:15PM) Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, Pam Oliver
Dallas Cowboys @ Arizona Cardinals (FOX 4:15) Dick Stockton, John Lynch
St. Louis Rams @ San Francisco 49ers (FOX 4:15PM) Chris Myers, Tim Ryan

Detroit Lions @ New Orleans Saints (NBC 8:20PM) Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth, Michele Tafoya

Monday, December 5

San Diego Chargers @ Jacksonville Jaguars (ESPN 8:30PM) Mike Tirico, Jon Gruden, Ron Jaworski

H/T Sammy. 

Earlier this evening, ESPN had reported that Gene Lamont was no longer being considered for the vacant Red Sox managerial job.  Seeing as how he and ESPN's Bobby Valentine were the two reported candidates, the other shoe dropped shortly thereafter.  Mike Lynch from WCVB in Boston reports Valentine has agreed with the Boston Red Sox to be their next manager, thus ending his one year stint in the ESPN Sunday Night Baseball booth.  Time will tell whether ESPN replaces Bobby V in the booth or if the leader goes with the twosome of Dan Shulman and Orel Hershiser.  One thing's for sure, not many Sunday Night Baseball fans will be upset with this move.  It remains to be seen how Red Sox Nation will agree with Bobby V's arrival.

H/T The Outside Corner

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Conference supremacy is on the line in college basketball this week.  The Big Ten/ACC Challenge picks up this week across the family of networks, highlighted by #4 Duke visiting #2 Ohio State.  Also, the Big East/SEC Challenge occurs this week as well.  No word on who's televising the Missouri Valley/Horizon League Challenge, maybe it's on the Ocho.  Also, #5 UNC plays #1 Kentucky in another juicy showdown on CBS Saturday at noon, we'll try and get the announcers for that game to you as it becomes available.  

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That's former Vice President of NFL officiating Mike Pereira taking a jab at Gruden's color commentating abilities. If you still can't put a face to Pereira, he's that guy that pops up on FOX many times when a play is challenged and offers his opinion about the challenged play and makes small talk with the announcers covering the game. I think he's a pretty solid addition to the telecasts as he offers another opinion on a controversial play other than the alternative of Joe Buck rambling for minutes uninterrupted without football as a distraction.

Anyways, twitter beef is one of my all-time guilty pleasures. It's especially great when it's two somewhat famous people taking potshots 140 keyboard mashes at a time for the public to see. Sadly, it does not look like Gruden has a twitter account as I have my doubts this one is him, so if he offers a retort it will not be 140 characters of rage coming back @MikePereira.

Since the internet is yet to develop a sarcasm font, I think it's fair to accept this as being the literal way he watches the telecasts on Monday night. Hopefully as he is muting Gruden and unmuting Tirico a couple hundred times a game he is not confusing Jaws with Gruden and missing out on his wonderful pearls of wisdom.

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