I'll be honest, college realignment is perhaps the most difficult subject I have ever had to write about.  My Real Analysis class in college was easier to grasp and I once scored a 14/100 on a test there.  You can also tell why I never got that PhD in mathematics...  In trying to tackle the most recent realignment developments over at Crystal Ball Run, there was one element to the grand scheme of things I couldn't get past.

The big, bad, Longhorn Network.

Yes, that beeming burnt orange creation of the University of Texas and ESPN appears to be the reason why the plug was pulled on the latest round of realignment talks.  It seemed that Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and Texas Tech were going to finish off the Big XII and move on to the greener pastures of the Pac 12 as of 48 hours ago.  However, late Tuesday night, the Pac 12 and commissioner Larry Scott released a message saying the conference was not going to expand beyond 12 teams.  The key portion of the statement was this little nugget aimed squarely between the eyes of Texas:

While we have great respect for all of the institutions that have contacted us, and certain expansion proposals were financially attractive, we have a strong conference structure and culture of equality that we are committed to preserve. With new landmark TV agreements and plans to launch our innovative television networks, we are going to focus solely on these great assets, our strong heritage and the bright future in front of us.””

We've previously discussed the Pac 12's interesting idea of not only a national television network, but regional networks split between the teams as well.  Clearly, Texas didn't want to play that game as they dealt with leaving the Big XII for the Pac 12.  Texas and the Longhorn Network doesn't align with a "culture of equality" that exists in the Pac 12.  That culture of equality is non-existent in the Big XII, where the conference might as well be named Texas and the Little 9.

It may feel like the first Bush administration when this happened... but think back to a year ago when the Big XII was again teetering on the edge of existence.  In a compromise pulled out of the fire, the Big XII was pieced together with Elmer's glue and duct tape thanks to a conference model that allowed Texas the green light for the Longhorn Network. This meant the University of Texas would pull in much more dough than their Big XII rivals, which was already happening in unequal revenue splits.  A year ago, this was perfect for Texas - they got to play the Big XII savior card while also getting stupid rich.  Schools like Baylor, Mizzou, and Kansas could stay under Texas' wrath, but at least that would be better than the Mountain West.

However, the good will from the resurrection of the Big XII didn't last for long.  Andy Staples put it best in Sports Illustrated a couple months ago...

The buzzards took flight again this week because of an internal squabble among league members over The Longhorn Network, Texas' new 24-hour channel that will launch Aug. 26. What's interesting is that The Longhorn Network is one of the main reasons the Big 12 still exists. Now, the Big 12's existence seems threatened by The Longhorn Network. Quite a paradox, isn't it?

With the Longhorn Network becoming a reality this summer, the trigger fingers of antsy Big XII schools got itchy again.  Evidently, it must have kicked in that they had submitted to Texas being unquestioned lord and master of the world.  When the plans of the LN televising high school games and other details were being floated around this summer, Texas A&M showed their own SEC speed in bolting for the Southeastern Conference.  The Aggies left largely to get out of the shadow of Texas and, you guessed it, the Longhorn Network, which has been the key to any and everything involving realignment...

I love small school college football.  As a proud D-III alum, there's always been a bit of a romantic element for me about the type of clip you'll see below.  In the video, Emory and Henry is leading UVa-Wise in the closing seconds 30-27 and punting the ball away.

(That's the University of Virginia's College at Wise to be more specific.  It has been reported several places that both schools are from D-III, but only Emory and Henry is from D-III.  UVa-Wise is from the Mid South Conference of the NAIA, which is a separate organization of smaller universities.  As a small college guy, these details are important!)

UVa-Wise defensive back Marcus Bratton fields the punt and immediately attempts his own replay of DeSean Jackson's miraculous winning return against the Giants last year.  Bratton gets to the 40 yard line, stumbles, and then somehow accurately flings the ball underhanded to teammate Josh Wright in stride.  Wright then takes it to the house for the dramatic winning touchdown.  This play doesn't have the number of laterals as Trinity's incredible winning score against Millsaps from a couple years ago... but wow, this video below may be the single most amazing lateral I've ever seen!  

The best part about this clip is the appearances on ESPN and elsewhere that will be unforgettable for these kids.  From our perspective, the announcing is awesome.  The yelling and screaming is completely appropriate and it's hilarious to hear the analyst take over the play by play midway through the score.  The first play by play guy is just left to chuckle at his broadcast partner going bonkers.  It's the type of play every announcer dreams of, so why not live it up to the max and go Gus Johnson crazy!

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I can remember growing up as a huge pro wrestling fan and going to the video store down the street as a kid to get whatever WWF pay per view had just come out on VHS (I'm really aging myself here, I know).  Eventually, my love for pro wrestling waned.  Once anyone goes through high school, wrestling isn't exactly cool to watch anymore.  Only in the last couple years have I periodically started to tune in again.  (When you reach your twenties, you realize you don't care what anyone else thinks anymore.)  CM Punk tweeting that he wants to punch Colin Cowherd in the face only reinforces my admiration for him and the direction he's currently taking WWE.

The reason I started paying attention to wrestling again was for one man - Ric Flair.  At the time, Flair was being threatened with "retirement."  Of course, retirements in pro wrestling are about as legitimate as any Brett Favre retirement and Flair soon came back in another organization.  Nevertheless, I had to see the supposed end of Flair's career because even as a snot nosed Little Jimmy, I knew Flair was the gold standard for pro wrestling.  He always had the best interviews, the best matches, the best robes, and the best women.  Flair was the bad guy who was actually cool to cheer for.  

At this point, we should interrupt this article to actually show the video of Ric Flair introducing the Red Sox lineup last night.  After all, that's my excuse for writing 500 words about The Nature Boy at AA.  WOOO!!!!

Is it any wonder multiple arenas use Flair's "WOOO!!" to spark the crowd?  So many athletes could take a page from Flair's book in the charisma department.  It's just sad to see Flair going through so many personal probelms and STILL wrestling at age 62.  Did you know that he actually wrestled Sting on television last week... only 23 years after their first high profile match?!?  And people think Joe Paterno is holding on for too long!  At least he's not flopping around a wrestling ring in his underwear.  But, hopefully this tiny little video helps us to remember Ric Flair as the limousine ridin', jet flyin', wheelin' dealin', kiss stealin' son of a gun instead of the real life Randy "The Ram" Robinson.  

Flair is truly one of the great performers of this generation.  Take a trip down memory lane (make sure your gas tank is full) back to 1992 and watch Flair win his first WWF title at the Royal Rumble.  The video below is also great because it features perhaps the best announcing duo of all-time, Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby "the Brain" Heenan.  Hey, another semi-legitimate AA tie-in!  Enjoy!

And remember... to be the man, WOOOO!!!, you gotta beat the man!

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We're ready to announce the latest Pammy awards and the updated standings after Week 3 in college football.  It was an especially strong debut for CBS analyst Gary Danielson as he took the top and bottom spots in this week's Top 10, knocking the trailblazer of the Pam Ward Chronicles from her #1 position.  Pam keeps her total ticking over with five points this week and Craig James vaults into second place with Matt Millen close behind.  The big names are certainly coming to play so far this season in the Pammies.  In a satirical quote contest, I'm not really sure what that means...  Anyways, the envelope please...

10) "The ball hits off three body parts. A hand, a helmet.. well, a helmet's not a body part." - Gary Danielson (via CaptTouchback)

9) "You gotta hold your water." - Jesse Palmer (via bmaze) on LSU's defense jumping offside... or needing to pee.

8) "He (Paul Johnson) is unconventional, no, inconventional, no, deconventional in his thought process." - Keith Jones (via sctvman)

7) "Kirk Cousins also an internet sensation now after a speech that he gave at the annual Big Ten media luncheon went viral... has over 110 hits on Youtube." - Alex Flanagan (via Ben Koo) [VIDEO]

6) "Houston, scoring his 20th touchdown on the year, on the ground." - Pam Ward (via MDWDFW)

5) "Tie goes to the runner." - Matt Millen (via CK29) on an equal possession reception...it's not baseball, everyone's running

4) "It's so hard to win in football." - Tom Cole (via sctvman)

3) "Chris Berman, the best analyst in the business." - Beth Mowins (via sctvman)

2) "If he wasn't a quiet guy, he would be a vocal leader on this club" - Craig James (via dhh78) on Marcus Lattimore.

1) "Got his hands on a lot of balls and then a sack." - Gary Danielson (via Ryan Scheb)

Week 3 Top 5 -

1) Pam Ward 28 pts

2) Craig James 17 pts

3) Matt Millen 14 pts

4) Beth Mowins 13 pts

5) Gary Danielson 11 pts,

Others receiving votes - T6) Artrell Hawkins 9 pts, Warrick Dunn 9 pts, Dan Hawkins 9 pts, 9) Sean McDonogh 8 pts, T10) Wendi Nix 7 pts, Steve Martin 7 pts, Tom Cole 7 pts, 13) Lou Holtz 6 pts, 14) Andre Ware 5 pts, 15) Alex Flanagan 4 pts, T16) Joe Tiller 3 pts, Keith Jones 3 pts, T18) Danny Kanell 2 pts, Jesse Palmer 2 pts, 20) Kevin Kugler 1 pt.

The Full Week 4 Announcing Schedule will be coming soon, where you can find the dates and times of games and all the announcing pairings as well.  Then, make sure you check back every Saturday for the Pam Ward Chronicles and another week of the Pammies!

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Rightly or wrongly, Bears QB Jay Cutler has had more than his fair share of critics.  Writers, pundits, fans, and even current players have all publicly expressed their disappointment/anger/snarkiness with regards to Cutler and his "toughness" and "leadership" after leaving last year's NFC Championship game due to injury.  Considering Cutler plays behind an offensive line that couldn't block the Rugrats and gets pummeled to the turf time and again (see Sunday in New Orleans), questioning Cutler's toughness seems misguided and foolish.  After all, Cutler was sacked 52 times last season and only missed one game!

The mob mentality by the NFL media in the aftermath of the NFC Championship was bad enough.  If you want to see my immediately visceral reaction where I lashed out at haters like MJD and Derrick Brooks, you can click here... but don't say I didn't warn you.  Unfortunately, the obsession with Cutler's body language and attitude has continued into the current season even though the former Pro Bowler has one of the worst offensive supporting casts in the league (outside Matt Forte) and has received public support from several teammates like Caleb Hanie, Brian Urlacher, and Chris Harris.  However, the worst sin of all in the obsession with covering Jay Cutler occurred during FOX's coverage of the Bears opening game of this season.

As several other media outlets have reported, and first noticed by the Chicago Tribune, FOX presented several newspaper headlines in the 4th quarter of the Atlanta game in Week 1 to enter into a discussion about, what else, Cutler's toughness and leadership.  Analyst Daryl Johnston even presented the headlines as "actual headlines from the local papers," featuring beauties such as "Cutler Lacks Courage" and "Cutler's No Leader."  First, the video evidence from SportsGrid...

Unfortunately, the headlines were anything but true.  In fact, such headlines were absent in not just the Chicago papers, but any paper in the United States!  After the Chicago Tribune called out the FOX fabrication, a spokesman from the network was forced to admit the lies:

“Our attempt was to capture the overall sentiment nationwide following that game. It was misleading.”

To present such phony, ham-handed headlines as authentic was both lazy and disingenuous by FOX.  It wouldn't take much work to show some of the actual tweets and headlines cruelly written celebrating Cutler's injury and defeat. Truthfully, it's another black eye to the network coming on the heels of their website posting a blatantly racist video earlier in the month.  FOX should know better than to try to pull a fast one over viewers in such a brazen manner.  I guess it shouldn't be surprising that FOX would manipulate the truth to fit their Jay Cutler narrative, based on their treatment of his injury in last year's NFC Championship and the constant closeups of his supposed aloofness. However, FOX's feeding into the obsession with Jay Cutler's leadership uncovers the unabashed manipulation by networks in setting the narratives of NFL quarterbacks...

We're a week and a half away from the best time of the year, October baseball. Will the Red Sox crap away the AL Wild Card? Will the Braves do the same with the NL WC? Will Moneyball suck, too? #stats

Wednesday September 21

Milwaukee Brewers @ Chicago Cubs (WGNA 2PM) Len Kasper, Bob Brenley
Tampa Bay Rays @ New York Yankees (ESPN 7PM) Sean McDonough, Aaron Boone, Rick Sutcliffe
Texas Rangers @ Oakland A's (ESPN 10PM) Alvaro Martin, Nomar Garciaparra, Candy Maldonado

Thursday September 22

Tampa Bay Rays @ New York Yankees (MLBN 7PM) Local Broadcast [Alt: LA Angels @ Toronto]

Friday September 23

Boston Red Sox @ New York Yankees (MLBN 7PM) Matt Vasgersian, Jim Kaat [Alt: Toronto @ Tampa Bay]

Saturday September 24

Chicago Cubs @ St. Louis Cardinals (WGNA 1PM) Len Kasper, Bob Brenley
Boston Red Sox @ New York Yankees (FOX 4PM) TBA
Seattle Mariners @ Texas Rangers (FOX 4PM) TBA
San Francisco Giants @ Arizona Diamondbacks (MLBN 8PM)

Sunday September 25

Boston Red Sox @ New York Yankees (TBS 1PM) TBA
San Francisco Giants @ Arizona Diamondbacks (TBS 4PM) TBA

H/T Sammy!

So, what exactly does one of the most popular NBA analysts do while his sport is in indefinite hiatus? Why of course he populates karaoke bars singing Sinatra classics. The video via Guyism really shows that Sir Charles is a man of the people. While his singing voice is expectedly not velvety, it's good to see that he still went for it. Singing talent be damned, for those nearly 4 minutes the round mound of rebound gave it his all and had the idea that him butchering a Sinatra classic was what everyone wanted to hear in this bar. Seeing this video, and of course his golf swing really sometimes makes you forget that he was one of the greatest power forwards in the history of the NBA.

For those wondering, here's Frank Sinatra's "My Way."

[Guyism]

[Crossover Chonicles]

The NHL is slowly picking up steam as a national sport once again thanks to a number of factors.  The devotion of NBC to the sport is more established than the brief seconds of airtime it receives on NFL Network ESPN, a number of new stars are playing the game (if they can stay healthy), several marquee teams have won titles in recent years (Wings, Pens, Blackhawks, Bruins), and there have been compelling playoff series.  According to the NHL, their ratings are up 84% in the last four years.  Earlier this year, Gary Bettman and the NHL chose to stick with NBC and Versus in signing a new massive 10 year extension.  Their announcer pairings for the upcoming season were recently released and it looks strikingly similar to years past.  Here's the details from NBC's press release at Fang's Bites...

All GAMES ON NBC (Thanksgiving Friday, Winter Classic, Sunday ‘NHL Game of the Week’)
Mike ‘Doc’ Emrick (play-by-play), Eddie Olczyk (analyst) and Pierre McGuire (Inside the Glass analyst)

SUNDAYS ON VERSUS (Starting in January)
Dave Strader (play-by-play) and Brian Engblom (Inside the Glass analyst)

MONDAYS ON VERSUS
Mike ‘Doc’ Emrick (play-by-play) and Pierre McGuire (Inside the Glass analyst)

TUESDAYS ON VERSUS
Dave Strader (play-by-play) and Brian Engblom (Inside the Glass analyst)

WEDNESDAYS ON VERSUS
Mike ‘Doc’ Emrick (play-by-play), Eddie Olczyk (analyst) and Pierre McGuire (Inside the Glass analyst)

STUDIO SHOWS

NHL Live on VERSUS
Liam McHugh, Mike Milbury and Keith Jones

NHL Overtime on VERSUS
Bill Patrick and Jeremy Roenick (plus rotating personalities)

‘NHL Game of the Week’ Intermissions on NBC
Liam McHugh and Mike Milbury

The two top play by play men, Doc Emrick and Dave Strader, are now calling games full-time for NBC/VS instead of splitting time between national and local responsibilities.  I like most of NBC's on-air talent, although Mike Milbury was rather insufferable during the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  Pierre McGuire certainly has his haters too, but he doesn't grate me in the same way that he does more passionate hockey fans.  NBC could really benefit from a fresh personality just out of the game that can add more perspective (Van Gundy, Gruden, and more recently Urban Meyer quickly come to mind as analysts that have made that transition successfully).  Doc Emrick is obviously one of the best announcers in the biz, as evidenced by his recent Sports Emmy win for play by play, so having him call three games a week is a definite plus.

Versus is also adding a ton of games, up to 100 total in the regular season.  Also, the networks will have coverage of every Stanley Cup Playoffs game for the first time.  With all the original programming Versus seems to be adding, one would think they would dip into the NHL well once again to start supporting their flagship sport.  It doesn't seem possible, but the NHL preseason is already underway.

[Fang's Bites]

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The hoopla surrounding the Charlie Sheen roast on Comedy Central last night got me thinking... which sports personality would make the best roastee?  Of course, Charlie Sheen has blazed his own insane trail filled with warlocks, tiger blood, drugs, porn stars, more drugs, television shows, crazed rants, winning, and even more drugs.  The roast last night was funny, but with all of Charlie Sheen's craziness, it left me a little underwhelmed from the pure insanity perspective... even with Mike Tyson and Jeff Ross dressed as Moammar Gadhafi sharing the stage with him.  (By the way, Ross, Anthony Jeselnik, and Shatner topped my Charlie Sheen Roast Power Rankings for those wondering.)  Could anyone in sports produce such a scene or be deserving of their own roast?  We took to Twitter so you could tell us who you want to see on the hot seat... figuratively or literally.  As always, these are Real Tweets from Real People...

CoreyNYC @awfulannouncing Brett Farve or A-Rod, for all the obvious reasons.
derekjhernandez @awfulannouncing Lebron James. would be brutal and there would be plenty of roasters to choose from.
TurtleZoot @awfulannouncing Albert Haynesworth, because he's such a friggen easy target for jokes. And he deserves MEANNESS to him
JamesonFleming @awfulannouncing Double-Roast: Rob and Rex Ryan because well simply they are Rob and Rex Ryan.
chrisbahnNJ @awfulannouncing ARod, especially if his teammates were there, find out how they really feel about him
TVGugs @awfulannouncing In a world where nobody was allowed to pull punches and he couldn't fire anyone for it, a Vince McMahon roast would rule.
ejmaroun  @awfulannouncing LeBron. Wait, by roast you mean actually hold him over an open flame, right? #CavsFan
HossBonaventure @awfulannouncing Charles Barkley would be a good one, mostly because he has a sense of humor. I feel like most athletes do not.
RYbbc34 @awfulannouncing if you're talking a physical roasting, i bet Chris Berman would look good cooking over a fire with an apple in his mouth

YankeeMegInPHL @awfulannouncing Chris Berman. So I can annoy the shit out of him too.
CaptTouchback @awfulannouncing Berman...He has zero sense of humor about himself. So much to roast him about. He would take it worse than Michael Scott.
metsfanmurph @awfulannouncing I would like to see Derek Jeter get roasted because for one day I would like to see people not kiss his ass.
RalphieBoyy @awfulannouncing Ozzie Guillen - I'd quit on him mid-roast and see how he reacts. Actually ditto Manny Ramirez on that one...
WiburTN  @awfulannouncing Joe Buck, but, I would hope that eventually people would give up on being funny and just make him cry.
kingsmill63 @awfulannouncing I would like to see Sean Avery because, to put it simply, he is a jackass.
donnarey188 @awfulannouncing Stephen A. Smith. Oh wait, did you mean roasted figuratively?
NotCoachTito  @awfulannouncing I would like to roast Dan Shaughnessy. I mean literally. With fire.

And now, the Craig James category...

HarveyMireles @awfulannouncing OMG I need a Craig James Roast in my life with Official Roastmaster Mike Leach!
ProfessorDrew @awfulannouncing Craig James. Because everyone would actually mean all the shit they say to him.
LoneTweeter @awfulannouncing If it could be literal roasting, Craig James. #firecraigjames
OHD_Michael  Craig James, but the insults wouldn't be jokes
OsamaBinLowden @awfulannouncing craig james. Mike leach get first crack at him.
CaptTouchback @awfulannouncing Craig James...but Mike Leach and Bruce Feldman have to be on the panel. Must See TV!
semicorrect @awfulannouncing I want to see Craig James roasted, and not just with comedy. #ImmolateCraigJames

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The organizers of The World's Largest Chicken Dance at Oktoberfest were drawn to Joe Morgan's chicken-like flapping back arm when he played almost 30 years ago, but what they got out of this year's LEADER was a chicken running around with his head cut off. (Chicken puns, I know you like those).  

See the embarrassment for yourself (via The Score): 

It's kind of sad that Morgan had to YouTube how to do the dance the night before (clearly not following his six P's again), despite the fact it's played at baseball stadiums every night, but it's even more depressing that Morgan was allowed to half-ass this chicken shit on a large stage with pretty, short-skirted girls, who happened to be showing half of their asses.