Screengrabs have become a hilarious and valuable part of the internet.  At any time, anyone on television can be captured in quite the uncompromising, uncomfortable, and comical poses.  This happened to John Clayton yesterday as he appeared to be in eiteher a zombie state, high, wasted, dead, or many other funny fill in the blank answers posted on our Twitter timeline.  For my money, I would say John looks Comfortably Numb...


Then again, Clayton could have been staring at his awesomely bizarre Twitter page for too long.  Yup, it still looks like this...



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From the MichiganZone comes this terrific video of George C. Scott reacting to possibly one of the worst segments in the HISTORY OF TELEVISION. It features a shameless advertisement and one of the most shameful television personalities being at his absolute worst. Personally, I'm amazed George C. Scott didn't lose it earlier and made it nearly 2 and a half minutes watching this awfulness unfold.

We despise Cowherd here at Awful Announcing, and apparently you do as well. In the reader voted tournament to replace Joe Morgan on our Mount Rushmore, Cowherd suffered a bitter defeat in an instant classic to Joe Buck after advancing all the way to the the Final Four. The dreadful consistency Cowherd has makes him a shoo-in to advance far if we ever need to replace anyone else on our Mount Rushmore.

[Michigan Zone]

Once you look past the actual severity of it all (and realize there were no serious injuries), the 5.8 magnitude earthquake that shook some of the east coast yesterday allowed for some laughs, and some groans.

However, Baltimore Ravens' rookie wide receiver Torrey Smith's reaction to the earthquake, while standing in the safest place imaginable filming a promo for his alma mater, had to be the best: 

Remind anyone else of 'The Burglars' skit from Jackass?

[H/T to SB Nation]

In the midst of what seems like a never-ending lockout, plenty of NBA players are making decisions as to what they will be doing in lieu of the next basketball season. While some are opting to go play elsewhere, others are electing a less traditional approach to the unwelcomed extended off-season. For example, Delonte West has applied for a job at Home Depot and Stephen Curry is going back to school. But the best lockout gig has to belong to Clippers' star Blake Griffin [via Sports Illustrated]: 

This week, the Los Angeles Clippers All-Star forward is interning at Funny Or Die, the comedy website co-founded by Ferrell and Adam McKay. Griffin arrived at the site's LA offices Tuesday to begin three days of work in video production.

He will help write, shoot, edit and act in several videos for the site. Funny Or Die quickly creates digital comedy videos, often with celebrity guest appearances.

"We're going to put him to work," said Mike Farah [president of production at Funny or Die]. "He's shooting a series of videos, and he's also coming to meetings. He's basically doing everything that an intern does."

This isn't Griffin's first crack at comedy, though (aside from embarrassing defenders by dunking over them, which provides comedic relief sometimes). At this year's ESPY's he and Kevin Love, amongst other NBA and NFL players, were featured in a faux-commercial -- a play off of the 1998 Grant Hill/Tim Duncan commercial -- advertising their services for odd jobs during the lockout: 

Yesterday, CBS announced their broadcasting teams for NFL coverage this season.  That completes the last piece of the puzzle to the full NFL Week 1 Announcing Schedule, which you can see at the link.  I've always been fascinated by NFL announcing assignments, not just for who's assigned to which game and which announcers are moving up or down the ladder, but also because those assignments tell fans what the networks think of your team.  If Nantz and Simms are in Cleveland, you get excited that your team gets the national stage instead of seeing Bill Macatee every week, like usual.

Earlier this month, Ryan ran down the NFL On Fox booths and now it's time to turn our attention to the CBS pairings.  There's no changes at the top, but some interesting comings and goings further down the ladder - namely, the coming of Marv Albert and the going of Gus Johnson.  Up and down, CBS's NFL talent is better than their Fox rivals, but that gap may be closing.  Here's the CBS announcing teams, their rankings, and our thoughts.  Keep in mind that CBS also has no sideline reporters.

1) Jim Nantz and Phil Simms
-This is the eighth season Nantz and Simms are together as the #1 announcing team for CBS.  Nantz is a much better football play-by-play man than he gets credit for, as it's often his college basketball puns and Masters worship that draw the most criticsm.  Nantz is a pro, shows some excitement, and gets the facts straight while not dominating the broadcast and letting the game tell the story.  Simms is actually very similar to Troy Aikman at Fox.  Both will have moments where they're actually insightful, moments where they contradict what they said earlier or guess what's happening, and moments you completely forget they are in the booth.  Simms had his ups and downs last year in the booth, but like broadcast booths around the country, it's going to take a huge drop in his ability to analyze a game to move him out.  With Nantz, a favorite of the CBS hierarchy, this is your #1 CBS booth for the indefinite future.

2) Greg Gumbel and Dan Dierdorf
-I suppose you can give CBS credit for this - they know who their top announcing tandems are.  Gumbel and Dierdorf enter their sixth season together at the #2 slot.  Like Nantz, Gumbel doesn't quite receive the plaudits he deserves for his solid job at play-by-play.  At least we know he's much better than his brother at football play-by-play.  Interrogating criminals is another matter.  Dierdorf is more polarizing.  Even though he's been a national figure for over two decades going back to his MNF days, there are many that wish he'd step aside.  Dierdorf is never going to be the best at breaking down plays or providing hard-hitting analysis, but I don't mind his work for the time being.  It's getting close to the time that CBS looks for some new blood, though.

Newcastle United midfielder Joey Barton is the bad boy of the English Premier League.  He's mooned opposing fans, beat up a 15 year old fan, put a lit cigar into a teammate's eye,  viciously assaulted a teammate, and served time in jail on, you guessed it, assault.  In spite of all that, Barton continues to play in the EPL for Newcastle and is rather unsurprisingly causing controversy on the field.  His latest spat came two Saturdays ago on the opening weekend of the season when he incited new Arsenal forward Gervinho into slapping him, producing a red card.  Barton is also involved in a dispute with Newcastle and may move to QPR this week.  And you thought your team had it bad with PacMan Jones?

Barton's most recent incident with Gervinho meant he was a topic of discussion on ESPN UK's Talk Of The Terrace, and that's where former Arsenal player and current Fulham defender Philippe Senderos joins the fun.  Senderos was talking about Barton "coming strong in the tackle" which is quite a normal thing to say when talking about aggressive soccer players.  It's what Senderos said next that caused a premature end to the segment before the interview could reach its proper climax.  Just like that, a hard and firm news segment was screwed as the studio bursted into laughter...




TWSS.

[H/T Bob's Blitz] 

By now you've probably all felt or heard that an earthquake hit practically the entire east coast of the United States, from New York down to as far south as Georgia and as far west as here in Ohio.  I didn't feel the quake, but plenty of family and friends here in Ohio did.  As is becoming the norm in our society, Twitter is the place to go to find out what is happening instantly.  Immediately, Tweets came down from folks all over the eastern half of the United States talking about what just happened.  Whenever a huge story like this breaks, Twitter is unquestionably the place to go.

However, with seismic stories like this (sorry) comes another predictable twist.  Everybody on Twitter immediately tries to come up with the best and funniest joke to seize their moment as the next social media viral senstaion.  This is actually funny for about 15 seconds.  This subplot of lame jokes surrounding any earth shattering event is actually more interesting than whatever story the jokes may be about.  Mind you, some of the jokes below are actually quite good in isolation, but trust me, you aren't the only person that thinks a Rex Ryan earthquake joke is a brilliant and original idea.  Sadly, this was an occasion where the husky men in sports were picked on mercilessly like a 7th grade gym class.  However, other targets emerged as well with everyone and their texting twelve year old nephew trying to get in on the fun of bad earthquake jokes.

As always, these are Real Tweets From Real People...

#Rex Ryan

mhicks Earthquake in New York? What happened? Rex Ryan fall down?
NYGiants4Natic Or maybe it was just Rex Ryan falling out of his chair #NYG #earthquake
SmokingWithHank Rex Ryan was having sex #Earthquake
steeler560 Reports are earthquake caused by Rex Ryan jumping up & down after Plaxico catches TD pass in practice today
gregcote Earthquake felt in New York blamed on Rex Ryan jumping jacks.

#Albert Haynesworth

RapSheet Guys: Sources cannot confirm Haynesworth's participation in #Patriots practice caused the earthquake. Searching for more sources...
RockTheRed Earthquake? I just thought Albert Haynesworth was back in DC for court.
JasonRomano Was Albert Haynesworth back on the practice field the earthquake we all felt along the Northeast
alexsemin Earthquake alert: Albert Haynesworth stepped on a weak spot on the earth's crust on the way to his hearing.
88_Virgo_ an earthquake felt in dc, somebody tell albert haynesworth "no means no"

#Prince Fielder

Aisle424 The earthquake is being felt as far west as Cincinnati? Prince Fielder must have really been jumping.
PRod85 are the brewers playing on the east coast? did prince fielder fall out of bed? #earthquake
nickpipitone The source of Milwaukee's earthquake hard to pinpoint, seeing that Prince Fielder is currently out of town.
theonederek There wasn't an earthquake. Prince Fielder just fell out of bed.
Scott_McMurtry: Reported cause of earthquake: Prince Fielder got up from his booth at Primanti's.

#Bartolo Colon & CC Sabathia

briancady Relax people, it wasn't a REAL earthquake... Bartolo Colon and CC Sabathia both happened to fall out of their beds at the same time.
DischInABox Everybody settle down. It wasn't an earthquake, it was Bartolo Colon and CC Sabathia doing running drills together.
WKWZsports "Sorry about the earthquake, mexican food last night." -Bartolo Colon
cjzero I though the Yankees had agreed to never allow Bartolo Colon & CC Sabathia to do jumping jacks simultaneously
DaddyFiles Earthquake? Or CC Sabathia jumping up to retrieve a Twinkie from the top of his locker?

#Eddy Curry

mdotbrown Calm down folks, that wasn't an earthquake. Eddy Curry just found out about the lockout.
ohmybachness I'm sure Eddy Curry had something to do with the East Coast Earthquake.
aeroflynn are we sure it was an earthquake and not Eddy Curry tripping over his own feet? #fatnumberonepicks
adamcbest That wasn't an Earthquake, NYC. That was just Eddy Curry going to the fridge.
puddleofaids Reports are confirmed that there was indeed an earthquake and not Eddy Curry working out...

#Miscellaneous

oopedup Was that Charles Barkley vs Godzilla part 2 or an earthquake?
JamesSimpson10 Never let Andy Reid take dancing classes again #Earthquake
drewmcfrizz Was that an earthquake or did Chris Christie just jump into the presidential race?
Fake_Buck It wasn't an earthquake, we just invited Sid Fernandez & Rich Garces for tryouts 
keithlaw Apparently they're evacuating Citizens Bank Park out of concern that the tremors mean thrown batteries won't hit their targets
MikeSielskiWSJ BREAKING: Local sports station in Philadelphia reports Cliff Lee raised his left hand to the sky to stop the #earthquake. #Phillies
ryascolot I thought Sal Paolantonio's sports reporting was worthless until I experienced his earthquake reporting...
texashsfootball Convinced the Earthquake happened because Tim Tebow got demoted to third string with the Broncos.
variety977 Are Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries honeymooning on the East Coast? #bootyshakin #earthquake
Supajoe This east coast earthquake is obviously divine retribution for Jersey Shore.
Jose313 Mother Nature is pissed at congress .. so it had to shake things up #earthquake #lamejoke #toosoon
SecPress Looks like #Gadhafi unleashed his #earthquake machine as a last ditch effort to remain in power...
TonyGrossi Yes, we're talking in #Browns press room about the possibility of an earthquake or Ted Washington just walked through the building.
friedmanjon Earthquake jokes are so 2:30.
BearcatsBlog #EarthquakeJoke

H/T to AA's Matt Clapp for the video at Sharapova's Thigh

Some big news dropped yesterday when USA Today reported that SportsCenter anchor, Friday Night Fights host, and ESPN Radio host Brian Kenny is leaving ESPN next month.  BK's last SportsCenter will take place sometime in early September.  Kenny has been one of ESPN's longest serving on-air personalities with thirteen years put in at Bristol, but will now move on.  Here's the details:

Anchor Brian Kenny is leaving ESPN and becoming a TV free agent.

Kenny will host his final SportsCenter in early September, confirmed ESPN spokesman Mike Soltys. "Brian did great work for us. His contract was up and he found a new opportunity," Soltys said Monday night.

Kenny currently hosts his own national show on ESPN Radio from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. ET, Monday-Friday. He's also host of ESPN2's Friday Night Fights.

Curiously, this makes it sound like Brian Kenny is already moving on to a different network and has a new deal locked up.  Mike McCarthy of USA Today contends that Kenny could be moving to MLB Network where he would be reunited with former ESPNers like Peter Gammons and Harold Reynolds.  BK is most known for his work with boxing and baseball, so a move to MLB Network makes sense.  He would immediately become their highest profile studio host and lift their already acclaimed coverage.  I wonder though if the Soon To Be NBC Sports Network will strike with Kenny.  Remember, there was a brief snippet in a news report a while back that Versus NBC Sports Network was planning a daily 6 pm rundown show for the channel.  What better way to launch such a show than with the guy that anchored the 6 pm edition of SportsCenter?  That would be an immediate throw down the gauntlet at the leader, but perhaps it's just wishful thinking.

As for Kenny himself, at first, he was one of my least liked ESPN personalities.  Something about the cut of his gib didn't sit well with me, perhaps it was his willingness to speak his mind as an anchor.  But after a while, Kenny did something I thought was impossible - made me a regular watcher of ESPNEWS.  His work on the Hot List years ago was outstanding and BK quickly became one of my favorite ESPN personalities.  Kenny was just as comfortable talking to Teddy Atlas as he was Beano Cook or Tommy Smyth.  He then became one of SportsCenter's best anchors (for my money his pairing with Jay Harris is ESPN's #1 anchor duo), has shown his versatility with a solid radio show (he and Van Pelt are the top of the ESPN Radio national hosts), and has carried Friday Night Fights for years.  Of course, his interviews with Floyd Mayweather are the stuff of legend, too.  Slowly but surely, Brian Kenny became one of the core members of ESPN's on-air stable.  ESPN will certainly miss him, and it will be very interesting to see where he lands amongst the competition.  

[USA Today]

 

In rare baseball pitching matchups that rhyme, Phillies' southpaw Cliff Lee went up against Mets' righty Dillon Gee last night. Sportscenter's Robert Flores decided to channel his inner Robert Frost and get all B-Rad with it, effectively earning himself some of the attention he desperately wanted.

But it's not really because of his poetry, Cheers reference, or flashing of the universal sign language symbol for vagina; it's because he named-dropped our blog, Awful Announcing. Here's the fittingly shoddy video, if you can manage to make it through the Lee/Gee rhyming travesty (wow, it is easy to rhyme!):

           

"The guy[s] from Awful Announcing just pulled a hammy getting to the computer. [Levy chuckles]"

Our hammies, our hammies. The ripping and the tearing. The ripping and the tearing.