Tuesday July 5

Cincinnati Reds @ St. Louis Cardinals (ESPN 8PM) TBA
San Diego Padres @ San Francisco Giants (MLBN 10PM) Local Broadcast [Alt: Detroit @ LA Angels]

Wednesday July 6

Chicago White Sox @ Kansas City Royals (WGNA 1PM) Ken Harrelson, Steve Stone
New York Yankees @ Cleveland Indians (ESPN 7PM) Dave O'Brien, Nomar Garciaparra

Thursday July 7

Colorado Rockies @ Atlanta Braves (MLBN 1PM) Local Broadcast - No Blackout
Chicago Cubs @ Washington Nationals (WGNA 7PM) Len Kasper, Bob Brenly
Tampa Bay Rays @ New York Yankees (MLBN 7PM) Local Broadcast [Alt: Baltimore @ Boston]

Friday July 8

New York Mets @ San Francisco Giants (MLBN 10PM) Bob Costas, Al Michaels [Alt: Seattle @ LA Angels]

Saturday July 9

San Diego Padres @ Los Angeles Dodgers (FOX 4PM) Joe Buck, Time McCarver
Atlanta Braves @ Philadelphia Phillies (FOX 4PM) Kenny Albert, Eric Karros
Minnesota Twins @ Chicago White Sox (FOX 4PM) Dick Stockton, Mark Grace
Chicago Cubs @ Pittsburgh Pirates (WGNA 7PM) Len Kasper, Bob Brenly
Cincinnati Reds @ Milwaukee Brewers (MLBN 7PM) Local Broadcast [Alt: Baltimore @ Boston]

Sunday July 10

Atlanta Braves @ Philadelphia Phillies (TBS 1:30PM) Ernie Johnson, John Smoltz
Chicago Cubs @ Pittsburgh Pirates (WGNA 1:30PM) Len Kasper, Bob Brenly
New York Mets @ San Francisco Giants (ESPN 8PM) Dan Shulman, Orel Hershiser, Bobby Valentine

H/T Sammy

Our second Day 1 matchup features two kingpins of AA's past and present.  You can click here in case you missed today's first matchup between Woody Paige and Skip Bayless.  Hawk Harrelson is actually looking to regain his place on Mount Rushmore after originally being on the AA banner before being axed for Pam Ward.  Hawk now turns to the people to try and get back on the board.... YES!!  While Rick Reilly isn't an announcer, he sure is awful, and has enjoyed a rich history being called out by sports blogs.  While he is mostly a columnist, his "essays" and television specials are tough to stomach and earn him a place on the list.  A unique matchup to say the least, but who is more awful?  That's up to you to decide!  Remember, come back tomorrow morning for the results and for two new first round matchups!

Rick Reilly vs Hawk Harrelson

Rick Reilly

Fact File: ESPN reporter, essayist, and columnist

Why He's Here: Reilly isn't primarily a TV guy, but appears enough on the family of networks to make the cut.  Whether it's Homecoming, analysis on golf or other sports, or just pointless segments... Rick Reilly usually leads one to reach quickly for their remote.  In addition, Reilly has been caught mailing in columns and dismissing bloggers and new media.  Does anyone in sports do less for their millions of dollars?  Bobby Bonilla not withstanding...

Links:

Rick Reilly on Rory McIlroy
Surprise! Rick Reilly Takes Down Bloggers In Journalism Speech
Reilly Column On Jimmer Fredette
Rick Reilly Takes A Page From His Own Book

Hawk Harrelson

Fact File: Play by play man of the Chicago White Sox

Why He's Here: Hawk Harrelson was originally on AA's Mount Rushmore before being removed in favor of Pam Ward.  As a rare local announcer on the list, Hawk Harrelson deserves to be in this crowd because of his over-the-top, unabashed homerism.  Often noted for yelling instructions and encouragements (Get up!  Stretch!) during the broadcast, he's more of a cheerleader than an announcer.

Links:

Hawk Harrelson Blames The White Sox's Inefficiencies On "Negative Sound Waves"
Hawk Harrelson Will Not Be Downloading "Country" Joe West's Album On Itunes
Hawk Harrelson Goes Silent For Toronto Walk-Off
Hawk Harrelson's Buerhle Call

Results:

Rick Reilly d. Hawk Harrelson 58.7% - 41.3%

 

It's time for the beginning of the Joe Morgan Memorial Tournament!  If you're just joining us, this tournament will involve the most awful sports television personalities in a 32 person knockout tournament to take Joe Morgan's place on Awful Announcing's Mount Rushmore.  Since Joe isn't actively announcing, we decided that our readers should decide who it is that will join Pam Ward, Dick Vitale, and Tim McCarver on our banner.  As we announced last week, the tournament will feature a random draw every round and there will be new matchups daily.  All you need to do is vote for who you think is more awful.  The fun begins with two outstanding matchups today.  First, Cold Pizza Explodes as Skip Bayless squares off against former debate partner Woody Paige.


Woody Paige vs Skip Bayless



Woody Paige

Fact File: Around the Horn personality, Denver Post columnist

Why He's Here: Paige's buffoonery has somehow lasted on Around the Horn for nine years and over 1600 appearances.  He's outlasted Max Kellerman and former print and television rival Jay Mariotti on the show.  Woody seems to take pride in his lack of sports knowledge and class clown role.  Paige has also been under fire recently for plagiarism allegations from Sports by Brooks.

Links:

Is Woody Paige A Habitual Plagiarizer?
Watch Woody Paige Creepily Mix Up His Words 
Woody Paige Calls Out Tony Reali For Some Reason 
Woody's Chalkboards 

Skip Bayless

Fact File: "Star" of ESPN's First Take and 1st & 10

Why He's Here: The former antagonizing columnist transformed into an antagonizing TV personality with his transition to first Cold Pizza and then First Take on ESPN2.  Bayless traditionally squares off against a debate partner in segments that contain enough hot air to lift the Hindenburg.  Often, Bayless will say outlandish things just for the sake of saying outlandish things.  Thankfully, most people have stopped listening.

Links:

Rob Parker & Skip Bayless Said What About Chad Ochocinco
Skip Bayless And Chris Broussard Have Exchange For The Ages
Nelly: Why rappers want to kick Skip Bayless' butt on ESPN 
The Best (Worst) Of Skip Bayless - 2006

Results:

Skip Bayless d. Woody Paige 77.91% - 22.09%

Nothing says celebrating the birthday of the greatest country in the world than seeing a bunch of grown men partake in gluttony.  The Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest has emerged as the premier "sporting" event of the 4th of July and is as synonymous with the holiday as college football is to New Year's Day, the NFL is to Thanksgiving, or the NBA is to Christmas Day.  Personally, I enjoy the hot dog contest not because of the great "athleticism" or "competition," but for the drastically over-the-top presentation by ESPN.  I hope everyone involved is in on the joke because it has become the most ridiculous competition of the year.  In spite of the hype and popularity, please stop trying to convince us that this is a sport...


Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon might as well be calling this thing, but in reality, former Indy 500 play by play man Paul Page and MLE President Rich Shea provide the farcical commentary.  Shea in particular is so laughably overdramatic that I'm convinced he's a master promoter well aware of what he's doing.  After all, he has Major League Eating involved in a worldwide news story and his top event is broadcasted nationally on ESPN.  Below the best and most insane quotes from the day.  In case you missed it and you want to see it, you can watch the 10 minutes of eating here.  What a country.

Pre-Contest

Champ Joey Chestnut before the event - "I feel great, I'm hungry, I'm happy, it's the 4th of July and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to win."

Runner up Pat Bertoletti - "I started eating competitively because I was talentless in all other realms of competition."

Play by play man Paul Page - "Now let's check in with sport science John Benkus*..."

*It's Brenkus, but who cares.

MC George Shea - "Are you ready to ride the tornado and make love to the dragon?"*

*What happens if I say yes? 

Shea introducing Bertoletti - "American by birth, Italian by name, and Irish by the grace of God, let me hear it for the man from Chicago, Patrick Bertoletti!"

Shea introducing Tim "Eater X" Janus - "Now, he travels the worldwide eating circuit seeking clues to his former life... he remains a man of mystery even to himself."*

Shea introducing Chestnut* - "As a boy, he had a dream so big he couldn't reveal it, and so he kept it hidden in his mind like a treasure, it was only when he became a grown man, a man of character and humility, that he could pursue his goal to be champion of the world.  To do so he would have to beat a man some said was unbeatbale, but he beat him, and then he beat him again and again and again.  AND NOW HE IS THE UNDISPUTED GREATEST EATER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!!!  And now he is the undisputed greatest eater in the history of the world.  The asparagus and waffle and Pizza Hut P'Zone and Krystal hamburger and NATHAN'S FAMOUS CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!! Ranked #1 in the world, his DNA is a blueprint for a modern version of an archangel, JOEY CHESTNUT!!!!!  JOEY!  JOEY!

*Chestnut's intro may be the greatest MC introduction of all-time.  We need this at the Super Bowl in place of Nantz or Buck giving us the starting lineups with a collective yawn.  George Shea makes Michael Buffer look like Bruce Buffer.  (sorry, Bruce)  Can we get George Shea to introduce the starting lineups at every single sporting event in America?  Just imagine what he could do with Tiger Woods....

Happy July 4th AA!  Enjoy a well deserved Summer day off and enjoy cookouts, fireworks, and maybe even blowing up a small piece of the earth.  There will be plenty of baseball on today, but of course the premier event will be the 4th of July Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest.  There were surreal scenes last year as after Joey Chestnut's victory, Japanese eating legend Takeru Kobayashi was arrested after rushing the stage.  Kobayashi didn't compete last year due to a contract dispute with Major League Eating, but will compete this year via satellite.  The fun starts at noon on ESPN, where their WWE like coverage should be hilarious and over the top.  I can't believe I just wrote that many words about eating hot dogs.  Enjoy the holiday and leave any thoughts on the intercontinental showdown of gluttony and any announcing tidbits throughout the day.  Then, come back tomorrow for the start of the Joe Morgan Memorial!

 

Jon Sciambi may have the worst announcing job at ESPN. Luckily for him ESPN will have the exclusive television rights to Wimbledon so it's unlikely they'll have to air reruns of the Harlem Globetrotters Special from 2010 during the first weekend of July. For those who missed out, here is a recap of what makes this what I consider the worst assignment you could get from The Worldwide Leader:

- There is no analyst/color guy although you're working off the mic'd up players, refs, and coaches.

- Your play by play duties include murmuring "That's traveling" when a Generals player has the ball stuck up his jersey and then chases after his defensive assignment unaware he is now an offensive player with the ball.

- The program is not aired live.

- You know who is going to win with no doubt whatsoever. In fact at no point is there an onscreen graphic of what the score is and how much time is left. 

- A big part of your role of the program is explaining the historic unveiling of the 4 Point shot zones that are only open at certain periods of the game. 

- You have paint the idea of a penalty box and power plays as "Innovation At It's Finest"

- You play peacemaker in cooling down a heated arguement about what team is cheating.

- Your duties include narrating skits with Mickey Mouse.

 

God bless Jon Schiambi. I honestly don't know if announcing this game or coaching The Generals is worse. If it were up to me I'd bump you up to college softball.

The AA Podcast is back!  This time, we're staying in-house as I'm joined by my brother Ryan, who's been working with me to put together the Joe Morgan Memorial Tournament.  In this edition of the podcast, we reveal the 32 names that will compete for the Joe Morgan Memorial Tournament title and be the newest face to ascend to AA's Mount Rushmore.  Thanks for all of your submissions, and don't worry, Joe Buck and Chris Berman made the list.  We also take a quick look at some of the favorites and the dark horses in the tournament field.  Hopefully there are expected and unexpected names in the field as we tried to look far and wide for the top (or in this case bottom) 32 candidates.  Have a listen and enjoy the extended holiday weekend, and we'll see you July 5th when the fun begins!

The 2011 FIFA Women's World Cup is well underway and into the second round of group stage games.  The United States team has played fairly well so far beating North Korea 2-0 and looking on their way to a victory over Colombia, up 3-0 in the second half.  The best tally thus far in the tournament was from today's game, a striking long-range goal scored by USA midfielder Heather O'Reilly early in the first half.  Thankfully, we have the great Ian Darke on the call to describe such a world class shot...



Some may not be too excited about the Women's World Cup, but these are the best women's soccer players in the world and very few men could pull off that strike.  It was slightly reminiscent of Gio Van Bronckhorst's goal for The Netherlands in their semifinal win over Uruguay last year (also called by Darke).  This event doesn't have the substance or excitement of the World Cup we saw in South Africa, but any event is made better by Ian Darke, who continues to show his value to ESPN.  His announcing vocabulary is simply the best (tracer bullet, firecracker, etc).  Who would have thought one of America's best play by play man would be an old Brit?
 

Just over a week after his stunning resignation as the manager of the Washington Nationals, Jim Riggleman will have a new job. Well, a new job for a weekend at least. 

Riggleman will serve as a pregame and postgame television analyst on Comcast SportsNet Chicago for the Cubs/White Sox series at Wrigley Field this weekend. Wrigley Field is a familiar setting for Riggleman, as he managed the Cubs from 1995-1999, and even led them to a playoff berth in 1998 (well, Sammy Sosa's 66 homers, 158 RBI, and 1.024 OPS were probably the main reasons for that).

With that in mind, it's possible that this will be an audition for him to get a long-term television job at Comcast SportsNet Chicago as a Cubs analyst. Heck, it will be an audition for him to get a long-term television job with any network. Surely the people at ESPN and MLB Network will be paying attention to his analysis and presence in front of a camera.

And with his managerial career likely over, a long-term studio analyst or color commentator job is something he is probably looking to obtain. After all, he has to keep the money coming in to be able to hit up the town and get his drink on with the ladies.

H/T: Chicago Tribune
 

With July usually comes all of those awful, gimmicky tournaments or segments to get us through the summer months before football gets here.  We've had to suffer through Who's Now, Mount Rushmore, and other excruciating, contrived specials to peak our interest in what is normally a downtime for sports fans.  

Now it's AA's turn to get in on the act.

Except, we're going to do it bigger and better than it's ever been done before because we're going to combine the ideas together.  A tournament that takes the most awful television sports personalities together - we're talking play by play, analysts, studio hosts, studio analysts, radio hosts with TV shows, and many in between - and crowns a winner to take Joe Morgan's place on our Mount Rushmore of Awful Announcing.  With Joe Morgan out of the limelight and successfully vanquished by the sports blogs (let's face it Joe, nobody is listening to that hour long radio show), it's due time for a new face to fill the AA banner next to Pam Ward, Dick Vitale, and Tim McCarver.  Hence, the Joe Morgan Memorial Tournament.   

Who will it be though... that's for you to decide over the course of the next month!  We have a list put together, but we want to consider nominations from you as well for who should be involved in this "illustrious" field.  So as to not influence votes, we'll have a random, unseeded draw each round (think the FA Cup of Awful Announcing, maybe we'll even have the draw televised) with a new matchup every day (two matchups a day in the first round).  Voting will take place until the next day when a new poll goes up and results will be announced.  

The tourney will get underway July 5th.  Leave a nomination in the comments below and prepare yourselves for a summer full of awfulness.  Around here, that's hopefully a good thing.