Nothing says celebrating the birthday of the greatest country in the world than seeing a bunch of grown men partake in gluttony. The Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest has emerged as the premier "sporting" event of the 4th of July and is as synonymous with the holiday as college football is to New Year's Day, the NFL is to Thanksgiving, or the NBA is to Christmas Day. Personally, I enjoy the hot dog contest not because of the great "athleticism" or "competition," but for the drastically over-the-top presentation by ESPN. I hope everyone involved is in on the joke because it has become the most ridiculous competition of the year. In spite of the hype and popularity, please stop trying to convince us that this is a sport...
Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon might as well be calling this thing, but in reality, former Indy 500 play by play man Paul Page and MLE President Rich Shea provide the farcical commentary. Shea in particular is so laughably overdramatic that I'm convinced he's a master promoter well aware of what he's doing. After all, he has Major League Eating involved in a worldwide news story
and his top event is broadcasted nationally on ESPN. Below the best and most insane quotes from the day. In case you missed it and you want to see it, you can watch the 10 minutes of eating here
. What a country.Pre-Contest
Champ Joey Chestnut before the event - "I feel great, I'm hungry, I'm happy, it's the 4th of July and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to win."
Runner up Pat Bertoletti - "I started eating competitively because I was talentless in all other realms of competition."
Play by play man Paul Page - "Now let's check in with sport science John Benkus*..."*It's Brenkus, but who cares.
MC George Shea - "Are you ready to ride the tornado and make love to the dragon?"**What happens if I say yes?
Shea introducing Bertoletti - "American by birth, Italian by name, and Irish by the grace of God, let me hear it for the man from Chicago, Patrick Bertoletti!"
Shea introducing Tim "Eater X" Janus - "Now, he travels the worldwide eating circuit seeking clues to his former life... he remains a man of mystery even to himself."*
Shea introducing Chestnut* - "As a boy, he had a dream so big he couldn't reveal it, and so he kept it hidden in his mind like a treasure, it was only when he became a grown man, a man of character and humility, that he could pursue his goal to be champion of the world. To do so he would have to beat a man some said was unbeatbale, but he beat him, and then he beat him again and again and again. AND NOW HE IS THE UNDISPUTED GREATEST EATER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!!! And now he is the undisputed greatest eater in the history of the world. The asparagus and waffle and Pizza Hut P'Zone and Krystal hamburger and NATHAN'S FAMOUS CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!! Ranked #1 in the world, his DNA is a blueprint for a modern version of an archangel, JOEY CHESTNUT!!!!! JOEY! JOEY!*Chestnut's intro may be the greatest MC introduction of all-time. We need this at the Super Bowl in place of Nantz or Buck giving us the starting lineups with a collective yawn. George Shea makes Michael Buffer look like Bruce Buffer. (sorry, Bruce) Can we get George Shea to introduce the starting lineups at every single sporting event in America? Just imagine what he could do with Tiger Woods....