Sorry to fans of terrible, terrible sitcoms, but it looks like Colin Cowherd's upcoming CBS show based on his life has been rejected by the network.  Apparently the pilot episode of "Herd Mentality" starring Damon Wayans as Colin Cowherd (what, Tom Arnold wasn't available?) didn't move the network enough to pick up a full season.  Reaction to AA's Twitter account seemed to fall somewhere between "There is a God" and "Thank God."  

Personally, I'm shocked.  I figured a dramatized version of Cowherd's show focused on dumbed-down interactions of Cowherd with his sexy co-host and less sexy wife would fit CBS's largest demographic (yes, I'm looking at you viewers of Two And A Half Men!).  But thankfully, it looks like you and I only have to continue to avoid Cowherd on SportsNation and his daily radio show without worrying about an invasion of primetime tv.

Of course, any readers of this site should know our opinion of Cowherd.  His elitism mixed with overly broad stereotypes and disdain for any passionate sports fan living between the East and West coast makes his radio show unbearable for most of the country.  There is no national sports radio talk show host who intentionally speaks to a more narrow audience, and seems to be proud of it.  His borderline racist rant on John Wall earlier this season was at best incredibly naive and at worst a distasteful ploy for attention and ratings.   In short, Cowherd is a perfect example of what's wrong with today's sports media, so the rejection of his sitcom should come as a victory to all.

However, hope remains alive for two other ESPN-based sitcoms based on NFL analyst Mark Schlereth (also being developed by CBS) and a pilot for ABC depicting Mike and Mike host Mike Greenberg.  I'm sorry, but could you have picked two more random ESPN personalities to have as the center of a network comedy?  Does anyone want to watch Mark Schlereth sell green chile or Mike Greenberg search for a sanitary toilet?  It makes me think what other past and present ESPN personalities could have made it big with their own tv shows...

Chris Berman vs. Sweat
-Follow Chris Berman's trail of sweat as Boomer chronicles his escapades as, literally, a larger-than-life ESPN personality.  How many towels will Boomer need as he covers the 1st round of the NFL Draft?  What about his detours up north to grab some deux, deux, deuxs.  Watch as Boomer continues his unending search for air conditioning.  Think Man vs. Food, only even smellier!

 Steve Phillips, Ladies' Man
-Steve Phillips knows what it takes to nab that less-than-cute intern while also losing his job.  Learn how to hide your workplace affair from your spouse, at least until your mistress goes batsh*t crazy! With expert analysis on creepy pickup lines from Mike Tirico and multimedia advice from Sean Salisbury!

Useless Stats You Can't Use With Jayson Stark
-What's Alfonso Soriano's batting average off of left-handers on Tuesdays when outdoors?  How many fastballs could Josh Beckett throw if Josh Beckett could chuck wood?  What's the VORP and WAR of Tony LaRussa's shingles?  Stump even the biggest stat geeks with ESPN MLB writer Jayson Stark!

Law & Order: Bristol, CT
-In a small town, everyone knows your name, especially when you work at ESPN.  Catch the drama as high-priced attorneys defend ESPN personalities from charges ranging from domestic abuse to drunk driving to child pornography.

Everybody Hates Skip Bayless
-I think this one pretty much explains itself... 

[H/T The Big Lead]

***Update 5/18 (4 PM ET) - It appears that Mark Schlereth's pilot, Home Game, was not picked up by CBS either according to a Tweet from Schlereth himself.  Mike Greenberg is now the leader's only sitcom hope... what a world this is in which we live. 

We've called out some of the lighter moments that take place during the live cut-ins during commercial breaks of PTI in the past. In today's episode, Kornheiser has moved on from singing Friday and is now hoping to get up to speed on the latest musical stylings of Kayne West. Wilbon in the background also seems quite confused.

 

I think one of the more enduring things about Kornheiser is his thirst for pop culture. He seems to enjoy following the latest trends, gossip, tv shows, movies, and music even if he's following a little bit behind the curve. In many ways it's similar your parents but it's more entertaining and not embarrassing.

Today, Mr. Kornheiser I salute you as you are indeed HAM when you want to be. 

Like that favorite Christmas present you know you're getting, Those Guys Have All The Fun is being gift wrapped for delivery and released a week from today.  Everyone with the book has done an amazing job protecting the content of its 784 pages.  Besides the excerpts that are beginning to come out, we know very little about the comprehensive story from inside the world of ESPN.  Do they have Bill Belichick running the operation??

As we eagerly anticipate the book's release, AA is getting its own copy from the publisher and we'll also hope to speak to one of the authors (James Andrew Miller and Tom Shales) as well for a Q&A.  Yesterday, we were blessed with an excerpt from GQ regarding one of the most infamous ESPN personalities of all-time... Keith Olbermann.  

To put it bluntly, Olbermann is a nutjob.  An entertaining nutjob... but, a nutjob nonetheless.  Olbermann's history is one of a man supremely talented no matter the medium of television, whether it be SportsCenter or his successful MSNBC show Countdown.  However, Olbermann's destructive personality has never seen him peacefully remain in one place.  Although Countdown ran for eight years, his relationship with MSNBC blew up in January.   It's amazing to think that in the course of the last couple decades, Olbermann was transformed from this to this.  Those Guys has some great quotes from ESPN personalities that show us the latter, more insane side of Olby.  Here's just a few excerpts of the GQ excerpt on Olbermann and ESPN...

Dan Patrick - I remember [producer] Gus Ramsey and Mike McQuade would always say, "Are you still in the life raft?" If they had screwed up with Keith, then they would be excommunicated. You didn't know from day to day if you were on or off, and it was tough for them, because they didn't have the power to say to Keith, "Hey, stop; grow up." Everything he did was personal. And that was what made him great. And if he felt like you had just turned on him, then you had actually turned on him, and that was something that was very, very deep to him

Herb Granath, ESPN exec - I was enraged by Olbermann. Guys like that just piss me off, you know, because there's no loyalty. It's just me, me, me. There was no choice but to get rid of him.

Bob Ley - I saw Walsh in the hallway, and I said, "Our long national nightmare is over, huh?" We felt not so much relief when Keith left as unrestrained f*#$ing joy. And it may not be fair to him, because I don't know what his issues are. Some of what happened with him back then is romanticized, but there are still people there who remember how people were treated, spoken to, referred to, and no amount of subsequent gentle behavior is going to erase that.

Rece Davis - There was a rumor a few years ago that maybe Keith would come back, and one of our coordinating producers said, "I think it would be a good idea but with one caveat. He first has to stand in the reception area, and everybody who wants to gets to come up and punch him in the stomach."

If Bob Ley of all people is dropping the f bomb, this book will be worth its weight in gold.  May 24 can't come soon enough.  In fairness, Olbermann had this to say in response...

Game On! The Untold Secrets and Furious Egos Behind the Rise of SportsCenter - GQ

This goal from Friday's Finland/Russia IIHF World Championship game made me yawn, because I saw it 15 years ago, but it nearly caused legendary Finnish announcer Antero Mertaranta's head to explode. After Minnesota Wild's 2010 first round pick Mikael Granlund, ON THE MOVE, put the puck on his stick and cradled it to the corner of the net for a lacrosse-style goal, Mertaranta doesn't breathe for, like, three minutes, while babbling at the top of his lungs. I don't speak Finnish, Baxter, but I assume he's saying this was a pretty gnarly goal:

And, if you need a little more Mertaranta in your life, enjoy this collection:

[top video via Hot Clicks]

Before Game 2 arrives next month, we must share the two ferocious Taj Gibson throwdowns from Sunday night's Game 1 win by the Bulls against the Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals.  Marv Albert was on the call and naturally, was superb.  Steve Kerr was terrific as well.  In fact, I didn't even mind Reggie Miller last night either!  Even though Derrick Rose led the Bulls in scoring and Luol Deng shut down LeBron James, Taj Gibson was the star of the show.  First, he posterized Dwyane Wade...



I just can't believe we didn't get "WITH THE FACIAL!"  Then, he had an awesome one-handed putback.  Sometimes, the greatest call is just OOOHHHHH!!!

 

Fox's baseball telecasts have been uninspiring for several years now.  Many fans have made it clear that the pairing of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver just doesn't cut it anymore.  Perhaps some of that disinterest and dissatisfaction is showing in the TV ratings, where Fox finished last amongst its Big 4 network brethren in Saturday primetime in spite of the YANKS and the SAWX!!  And, as it turns out, in spite of Sarah Silverman...

When will network sports execs realize that celebrity interviews during the game are a terrible idea?!  It tells the viewer that the game isn't good enough to keep our attention.  Traditionally, celebrity interviews are nothing more than cheap advertisement for a new show on the network, or a misguided attempt at entertainment.  I think we lost an entire season of Monday Night Football to in-game celebrity interviews.  The only one that was memorable of course, was one that caused Jimmy Kimmel to be banned from ESPN.  If we wanted to see celebrity interviews or meltdowns, we would be watching E!, or at least Meatloaf on Celebrity Apprentice.  (Just imagine if someone told him his tag was sticking out of his shirt, sheesh.)  Celebrity interviews during games are usually nothing but a tedious, boring, unnecessary distraction and when they do make news, it's for creating awkward train wreck television.

So why Fox thought that comedian and Red Sox fan Sarah Silverman was necessary to add to the Saturday night YANKS/SAWX telecast is beyond me.  Maybe they were trying to reach that portion of the audience that was thirsting for a C level comedian to analyze their team.  Maybe Fox wanted us to long for Artie Lange and the days of Joe Buck Live, who knows.  I'm not a fan of her comedy, but listening to her try to escape Fox censors with "Massholes" and argue for the benefits of pitchers on LSD was great train wreck TV.  It was the most entertainment Fox MLB coverage has seen in a long time (that's not a good thing by the way).  You can only imagine Joe Buck reliving the horror of Artie Lange over and over again in his mind.  Oh, and in case you're wondering, Buck's vocal cords have been hit by a virus, not by depression for having to work with McCarver for another year.  The morbid tone of Joe's voice only makes this in-game interview more horrendous.  The whole thing lasts six minutes and is worth a listen for a good laugh... or if you are an aspiring sports TV producer and want to find out the exact opposite thing of what to do with your telecast...



My favorite part of the interview is Buck saying that Silverman is on the telecast because a Fox executive saw Silverman on a flight wearing a Red Sox hat.  GENIUS!  Let's have her back for the World Series.  Maybe she should just replace Timmy and Silverman & Buck can tour the country with their stand-up baseball routine.  Sometimes I wonder what goes through these people's heads sometimes...

Thanks to our friends at Cosby Sweaters for the video! 
 

If you can't get enough South Florida from the Heat Index alone, breathe easy, because the Worldwide Runner-up is expected to confirm this week that 790 the Ticket's Dan Le Batard will be hosting a regular 30 minute TV show next fall. 

Le Batard’s multi-media career will take its biggest step yet when ESPN2 announces next week that it will give him his own TV show, from 4 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. weekdays beginning Sept. 12.

The title: Dan Le Batard is Highly Questionable. The name was suggested by Erik Rydholm, executive producer of Pardon the Interruption.

Le Batard will continue hosting his radio show but will cut back from four hours to three (probably 4 p.m. to 7 p.m., though that remains in discussions). He will tape the TV program a short time before airing, which will allow him to do his radio show when the TV show airs.

“I won’t be live. I drown in a puddle of my own sweat in live television,” Le Batard said. “Nobody wants to see that. Well, actually some people might want to see that.”

-Miami Herald

PTI fans who have seen Le Batard called up to fill in for a vacationing Kornheiser/Wilbon probably already know that 1. he is prone to sweating on camera and 2. he is "highly questionable." But as anyone who gets the appeal of PTI's format understands, there is value in having a bloated contrarian espouse his opinion for others to argue with. I don't know if this show will get off the ground, or how it will affect the incumbent at 4:00, SportsNation, but if it means cutting down on the daily serving of Colin Cowherd by half an hour, I'm all for it.

Full disclosure: As a native Miamian, I listen to the Le Batard show (which is barley a sports show btw) regularly on 790, and my only complaint about the show is that he can be insanely repetitive. Like sentence to sentence. What I mean is that Dan Le Batard, South Florida AM radio host and Miami Herald columnist Dan Lebatard, is repetitive - that is to say he repeats himself constantly. He says things, and then he re-says them, reader. He then solicits a response from co-host Stugotz by repeating the same statement a third or even a fourth time while Stugotz forms an opinion, while also making sure to say the name Stugotz at least a couple of times throughout this process. I guess what I'm trying to say is the guy is repetitive. He repeats himself, if I'm not being clear. 

Maybe the fact that his TV show is scheduled to run just 30 minutes and will be taped by cutting an hour off of his radio show will help him avoid leaning on that crutch. Plus it means that net-net, Le Batard haters get to live in a world where Dan is on the airwaves for 30 minutes less every day, so it's a potential win-win for everyone. 

Yesterday, a squirrel wreaked havoc in the Padres bullpen yesterday.  San Diego bullpen catcher Justin Hatcher finally caught the ferocious little devil and in spite of a bite that broke the skin, released the creature into the evergreen trees at Denver's Coors Field.  Seems like a pretty innocent story, right?  Kinda cute like that turtle diving into the lake at TPC yesterday (that's two animal stories in a row for us by the way).  Well, unfortunately that little squirrel will now live forever in infamy thanks to SportsCenter's Sage Steele.  Check out this video from our friends at SportsGrid...



"It bit him and wouldn't let go... the squirrel was hanging from his thumb, eventually he got a towel, jerked him off there, and then... ya know... rabies..."

At least Hatcher was considerate enough to use a towel.  You'd hate to go back to catching in the bullpen with that mess not cleaned up.  I think I knew what Sage meant... Hatcher wanted to jerk the squirrel off of his hand with a towel... I think... however, I'm much more content with the way she told the story.  I could go on with this, but it's a Sunday.  I'll just stop there and leave the nut jokes to our diligent readers...

[H/T SportsGrid and thanks to SportPundits and BrianHofmann48 as well]
 

It was a slow Saturday afternoon in sports with absolutely nothing happening.  (Perhaps it was good timing in the middle of my grad school finals.)  Thankfully, Round 3 of the Players Championship finally came back from a rain delay and we were treated to one of my favorite videos of the year so far.  Watch this lovable little turtle take a death defying leap into the lake by the 16th green at TPC Sawgrass.  I would certainly give it at least a 9.2 out of 10, the flip and entry was graceful and it was a brave jump/fall/dive.  I've always been a fan of those naturey type Discovery Channel things, so this brings together two of my favorite areas of life.  I would love to hear Gus Johnson announce Man vs Wild.  Rory McIlroy tweeted a sideways video of it initially, but thankfully a good Samaritan on Youtube has provided a right-side-up version.  Enjoy!

Now that we know the Thunder and Grizzlies are going to a Game 7, the NBA Conference Finals slate is set.  The winner of the Thunder/Grizzlies series will play Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals at Dallas on Tuesday night.  ESPN carries each of the Western Conference Finals games while TNT takes the Eastern Conference Finals.  Note that Reggie Miller has been added to the top TNT team of Albert and Kerr.  I can already sense fans' excitement...

NBA Eastern Conference Finals: 
Miami Heat vs Chicago Bulls (TNT) - Marv Albert, Steve Kerr, Reggie Miller

Game 1: Sunday May 15, at Chicago, IL, United Center (TNT 8PM)
Game 2: Wednesday May 18 Chicago, IL, United Center (TNT 8:30PM)
Game 3: Sunday May 22 at Miami, FL, AmericanAirlines Arena (TNT 8:30PM)
Game 4: Tuesday May 24 at Miami, FL, AmericanAirlines Arena (TNT 8:30PM)
Game 5*: Thursday May 26 Chicago, IL, United Center (TNT 8:30PM)
Game 6*: Saturday May 28 at Miami, FL, AmericanAirlines Arena (TNT 8:30PM)
Game 7*: Monday May 30 at Chicago, IL, United Center (TNT 8:30PM)

NBA Western Conference Finals: 
Oklahoma City Thunder/Memphis Grizzlies vs Dallas Mavericks (ESPN) - Mike Breen, Mark Jackson, Jeff Van Gundy

Game 1: Tuesday May 17 at Dallas, American Airlines Center (ESPN 9PM)
Game 2: Thursday May 19 at Dallas, American Airlines Center (ESPN 9PM)
Game 3: Saturday, May 21 at Oklahoma City Arena Oklahoma City/FedEx Forum Memphis, TN (ESPN 9PM)
Game 4: Monday, May 23 at Oklahoma City Arena Oklahoma City/FedEx Forum Memphis, TN (ESPN 9PM)
Game 5*: Wednesday, May 25 at Dallas, American Airlines Center (ESPN 9PM)
Game 6*: Friday, May 27 at Oklahoma City Arena Oklahoma City/FedEx Forum Memphis, TN (ESPN 9PM)
Game 7*: Sunday, May 29 at Dallas, American Airlines Center (ESPN 9PM)

H/T Sammy!