The Elite Eight of the Joe Morgan Memorial Tournament begins with two NFL studio stars and former NFL Countdown comrades going head to head.  Chris Berman has steamrolled through the competition so far on the backs of his tired catchphrases and nauseating performances at the US Open and Home Run Derby.  NFL Network analyst Michael Irvin may be a bit of a surprise to make it this far, but his pioneering of staged laughter is a testament to awfulness in sports on TV.  You can check out the Elite Eight and full Second Round results here.  The Elite Eight runs with new matchups every day for the rest of the week, vote now!

Chris Berman vs Michael Irvin

Chris Berman

Fact File: Host of ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown, Home Run Derby, and golf's US Open, occasional SportsCenter anchor and baseball play by play man

Why He's Here: How much time do we have?  Chris Berman has been synonymous with ESPN for over 30 years, but his schtick of nicknames, bad jokes, and bellowing humor has grown old.  His protection of the NFL and the stars of the league leave his journalistic bite at zero.  The #1 best selling ESPN book painted him as a man drastically out of touch with the modern day world, and it shows.

Links:

Somebody Should Explain The Concept Of A Walk Off Win To Chris Berman
Real Tweets From Real People - Berman and the US Open
Tossed Salas Nickname
Classic Youtube Rant

Round 1 Result: Defeated Erik Kuselias 76.83% - 23.17%
Round 2 Result: Defeated Mark May 70.09% - 29.91%

Micheal Irvin

Fact File: NFL Network studio analyst

Why He's Here: The former Cowboys receiver is the poster child for the staged guffawing that has infested NFL studio shows.  Irvin has never lasted in one place too long, jumping from Fox Sports Net to ESPN and now to NFL Network.  Irvin can be sincere, honest, and moving when he wants to be (see his Hall of Fame speech and statements in Out Magazine), but it's rarely ever seen in his television work.

Links:

Michael Irvin Might Have A New Home
ESPN Fires Michael Irvin
Michael Irvin Says Something Stupid

Round 1 Result: Defeated Dick Stockton 71.61% - 28.39%
Round 2 Result: Defeated Pierre McGuire 69.1% - 31.9% 


Results

Chris Berman defeated Michael Irvin 58.9% - 41.1% 

When will ESPN finally realize that it's time to call a timeout or give a temporary/indefinite suspension to Colin Cowherd?  Through the uncertainty of the ongoing #FreeBruce story (more on that tomorrow), the ESPN Radio host was busy making more offensive statements.  I'm done wasting my time writing why ESPN needs to discipline slash rid the sports world of Colin Cowherd.  Why he is untouchable by ESPN management is beyond me.  It's equally infuriating to the whole James/Leach/Feldman debacle.  This time, Cowherd tries his hand once again at sociology while mixing in his perverse racial commentary, areas he's failed miserably at before.  This time, he surmises (without ever directly stating) that Roger Goodell is the first father figure in the lives of many black NFL players.  I'm sure he'll come out tomorrow and say that he never said "Roger Goodell is a dad to fatherless black NFL players," but it doesn't take a Rhodes scholar to figure out that's exactly where Cowherd is at in the clip below.  Bears safety Chris Harris and Steelers safety Ryan Clark sum up the outrage nicely on Twitter..


Do something about this guy, ESPN.  Here's the maddening clip from SportsGrid...



H/T SportsGrid
 

Round Two of the Joe Morgan Memorial Tournament is in the books.  We had a massive number of people vote throughout the last week as we cut a field of 16 First Round winners down to the Elite Eight of Awful Announcing.  If you still aren't aboard the Joe Morgan Memorial bandwagon, we are holding a month long tournament to place a current sports media personality on Awful Announcing's Mount Rushmore to replace not so current awful announcer Joe Morgan.  You can get caught up on everything that's happened so far with the full First Round results here and the full Second Round results below...

1) Skip Bayless defeated John Sterling  64.14% - 35.86%
2) Joe Buck defeated Deion Sanders  55.21% - 44.79%
3) Colin Cowherd defeated Joe Theismann  61.71% - 38.29%
4) Chris Berman defeated Mark May  70.09% - 29.91%
5) Jim Gray defeated Thom Brennaman  77.89% - 22.11%
6) Craig James defeated Rick Reilly  66.32% - 33.68%
7) Stephen A. Smith defeated Tony Siragusa  63.91% - 36.09%
8) Michael Irvin defeated Pierre McGuire  69.1% - 30.9%

Our readers and voters have stayed with the spirit of the Joe Morgan Memorial and not limited themselves to the broadcast booth throughout the tournament.  Eight men remain covering eight different areas of the sports media.  The diverse field includes a play by play man (Buck), booth analyst (James), radio host (Cowherd), debater (Bayless), reporter (Gray), studio analyst (Irvin), studio host (Berman), and, well, whatever Stephen A. Smith does these days.  The Elite Eight has again been drawn at random, but the rest of the tournament is now bracketed out as well now that we've reached the quarters.  We start Tuesday with our first matchup below (Berman/Irvin) and will go right down the list through Friday with one quarterfinal taking place every day from Tuesday-Friday.  The semifinals and final will then take place starting Monday the 25th.  See you tomorrow for the beginning of the Elite Eight!

Tuesday: Berman vs Irvin 
Wednesday: James vs Smtih 
Thursday: Cowherd vs Bayless 
Friday: Buck vs Gray
 

The Lake County Fielders are a minor league baseball team that plays their baseball in Lake County just north of Chicago in the North American League.  The Fielders are partially owned by actor Kevin Costner, known for his own Minor League baseball exploits in Bull Durham.  The Fielders also happen to be the worst run organization in professional sports.  Yes, even worse than the LA Clippers, Dodgers, or Mets.  Earlier this month, former MLB manager Tim Johnson and LCF players quit over not being payed by deadbeat managing partner Rich Ehrenreich.  Acting manager Pete LaCock (bwahaha) then produced one of the most ridiculous baseball games known to mankind against Jose Canseco's Yuma Scorpions earlier this month.  I'll let Matt Lindner (who also sent in the clip) of Bloguin's great baseball blog The Outside Corner explain...

What unfolded after was one of the most bizarre baseball games on any level. Acting Fielders manager Pete LaCock put out a sort of opposite day lineup, with pitchers playing in the field and position players pitching. Canseco responded in kind, wanting to level the playing field and leaving his team with a battery consisting of himself on the hill and former Rays outfield prospect Joey Gathright playing catcher for the first time in his life. LaCock's debut as Fielders manager would prove to be his swan song as well, as he wound up quitting himself following the game due to the payroll dispute.

In a testament to just how strange this game actually was, Canseco pitched more like former teammate Dave Stewart than he did when he made his Major League pitching debut for the Texas Rangers, a start that ended in an arm injury requiring Tommy John surgery. Canseco used a knuckleball to hold the Fielders' makeshift lineup to one run en route to an 8-3 victory before a reported crowd of several thousand surely bewildered fans.

Last week, the Fielders made minor adjustments to the roster, trading nine players and releasing fourteen more.  The Fielders play in a makeshift temporary stadium outside Chicago and there's no word on if the new roster of players are actually getting paid or not (they have lost 5 straight but remain 25-20 on the season).  To add to all of the insanity, Fielders play by play man Qumar Zaman (seen here trying out for the Wrigley Field PA job) then took it upon himself to quit his job on air after a recent game.  Listen and be thankful that you don't work for the Lake County Fielders...



I love this speech.  It's not a psychotic or angry rant, but more in the defiant martyr category.  I immediately thought of CM Punk when I heard his "voice of the voiceless" quote, and that connection was confirmed when Qumar brought up him and his buddies getting together to watch the Money In The Bank PPV.  Awesome.  (CM Punk FTW!)  Qumar exposes the embarrassment of the Fielders front office and talks about nearly everyone associated with the Fielders not receiving a paycheck.  He even throws in the Murrow slash Olbermannesque  "good night and good luck" to close on a high note.  The awkward applause in the booth ends his on air resignation perfectly.  Where's Crash Davis when you need him.

Tim McCarver showed the world why he has earned his place on Awful Announcing's Mount Rushmore on Saturday during an MLB on Fox broadcast featuring the Red Sox and the Rays.  For those of you longing for the permanent departure of Joe Buck, keep in mind that Dick Stockton joined Timmy on Saturday.  Sometimes the grass isn't always greener... anyways, McCarver took the opportunity to put in a fine shift full of goofs and general absentmindedness.  A big shout out to our pal Timothy Burke from SportsGrid/Mocksession for putting this video together and chronicling many of McCarver's maddening mistakes.  Here's bubbaprog breaking down one of those particular moments of brilliance from McCarver where he tried to tackle the human anatomy...

McCarver foolishly thinks the oblique abdominal muscle just got its name “a few years ago.” Sure, if you’re counting 1702 as a few years ago. Given McCarver referred to the year 1968 as being “recent” during the same broadcast, his awareness of the passage of time is questionable, though time is a subjective concept relative to the length of your own existence and maybe Tim McCarver has been a giant sequoia all this time and nobody noticed.

At least the sequoia would be more entertaining...



H/T SportsGrid
 

The final Second round matchup of the Joe Morgan Memorial Tournament pits two of the biggest loudmouths on the sports airwaves against each other.  In one corner we have the small, skinny loudmouth Stephen A. Smith, who unfortunately is slowly starting to pollute ESPN's airwaves once again.  In the other corner, is the more prototypical big fat loudmouth, Tony Siragusa.  The choice is yours!  Which bag of hot air will you send to the next round to complete the not-so-Elite 8 in our quest to find the next face to be immortalized on AA's Mt. Rushmore!  We'll be back Monday with all the Second Round results and the draw for the quarterfinals.

Stephen A. Smith vs. Tony Siragusa

Stephen A. Smith

Fact File: ESPN NBA reporter/analyst/debater... well, actually he's not around that much anymore

Why He's Here: Stephen A. is a hard man to find these days.  After the mistake that was Quite Frankly and his period of overexposure, Smith faded away.  Somehow, he has a job hosting shows on ESPN Radio in New York and Los Angeles and still makes the sporadic TV appearance appearing on First Take, subbing for Jim Rome, and in other various nether regions of the leader.  It's enough for us to give Screamin' A. a place on the list.

Links:

Stephen A on Kwame Brown
Stephen A voted AA/AOL's Worst Sports Announcer (2007)
Stephen A Says Goodbye To ESPN
Stephen A Has Heard Something Terrible About LeBron James

Round 1 Result: Defeated Stuart Scott 51.45% - 48.55%

 

Tony Siragusa

Fact File: NFL on Fox sideline reporter and analyst

Why He's Here: Siragusa has been one of the pioneers of the field level analyst.  Hockey has gone to an analyst/reporter inside the glass, but Siragusa's role in Fox's coverage is basically the same thing.  The idea in theory isn't bad, but in practice it usually disappoints.  Siragusa is much more useful telling bad jokes, talking about food, or wasting time rather than providing anything of substance.... like analysis.

Links:

Tony Siragusa Is Serious About Honey
#5 Worst Announcer Of The Year
Irritating Habits Of NFL Announcers

Round 1 Result: Defeated 'Crazy' Jack Edwards 71.55% - 28.45%

Results:

Stephen A. Smith defeated Tony Siragusa  63.91% - 36.09% 

I'll freely admit that this matchup might be the hardest of the Second round to predict.  On one hand we have Michael Irvin, who many fans are seeing in a new light after his comments in support of gay athletes.  Despite his sometimes non-awfulness, there's still plenty of self-promotion and forced guffawing to go around for the former playmaker.  On the other hand, there's Pierre McGuire, who probably doesn't grate on casual hockey fans the way he does on the hardcore hockey followers.  Heck, the way some despised McGuire, you'd think he was the commissioner of the league or something!  The winner joins these six names in the Quarterfinals: Joe Buck, Skip Bayless, Colin Cowherd, Chris Berman, Jim Gray, and Craig James.  Do your best AA Nation!  Tell us which analyst is more worthy of following in Joe Morgan's awful footsteps.

Pierre McGuire vs. Michael Irvin

 

Pierre McGuire

Fact File: NHL on NBC inside the glass analyst

Why He's Here: There are many hockey fans that just don't like Pierre McGuire.  It could be the way he gushes about certain players, the way his cliches and style grates, or even how he pronounces certain words.  Mainly, it's the way McGuire carries himself as an expert in spite of his 23-37-7 record as an NHL head coach.

Links:

Why Do People Hate Pierre McGuire?
How Full Of It Is Pierre McGuire?
Pierre McGuire Is Effin Creepy
Caps Fans Hate Us

Round 1 Result: Defeated Reggie Miller 57.62% - 42.38%

 

Micheal Irvin

Fact File: NFL Network studio analyst

Why He's Here: The former Cowboys receiver is the poster child for the staged guffawing that has infested NFL studio shows.  Irvin has never lasted in one place too long, jumping from Fox Sports Net to ESPN and now to NFL Network.  Irvin can be sincere, honest, and moving when he wants to be (see his Hall of Fame speech and statements in Out Magazine), but it's rarely ever seen in his television work.

Links:

Michael Irvin Might Have A New Home
ESPN Fires Michael Irvin
Michael Irvin Says Something Stupid

Round 1 Result: Defeated Dick Stockton 71.61% - 28.39%

Results:

Michael Irvin defeated Pierre McGuire  69.1% - 30.9% 

Let's see...our next matchup to crown the newest face on AA's Mt. Rushmore doesn't feature anyone who's been in the news recently.  It's not like revelations and accusations about Craig James's quest to ruin journalistic integrity at ESPN have been running rampant the last few days.  Thank God Bruce is free by the way.  Yes, Senator James has been making many enemies in the blogosphere recently. But will his newfound villainy be able to match the lame longevity of Rick Reilly?  While I'm trying to think of a stupid Reilly-esque essay, why not go ahead and vote on who's the more repulsive sports media personality?

Rick Reilly vs. Craig James

Rick Reilly

Fact File: ESPN reporter, essayist, and columnist

Why He's Here: Reilly isn't primarily a TV guy, but appears enough on the family of networks to make the cut.  Whether it's Homecoming, analysis on golf or other sports, or just pointless segments... Rick Reilly usually leads one to reach quickly for their remote.  In addition, Reilly has been caught mailing in columns and dismissing bloggers and new media.  Does anyone in sports do less for their millions of dollars?  Bobby Bonilla not withstanding...

Links:

Rick Reilly on Rory McIlroy
Surprise! Rick Reilly Takes Down Bloggers In Journalism Speech
Reilly Column On Jimmer Fredette
Rick Reilly Takes A Page From His Own Book

Round 1 Result: Defeated Hawk Harrelson  58.7% - 41.3%

 

Craig James

Fact File: ESPN college football game and studio analyst

Why He's Here: James became an integral part of one of college football's biggest stories when his son Adam's allegations of being locked in a closet led to Mike Leach's firing at Texas Tech.  This led to an awkward series of revelations made by Leach about Craig's meddling in his program, lawsuits, and other developments.  ESPN was put in the position of having one of their analysts be an integral part of the controversy.  How did Craig James respond?  Well, rumor has it he wants to be a Senator of course.  And now that his coverup and controversy briefly resulted in the "suspension" of respected CFB writer Bruce Feldman, James is more despised than ever.

Links:

Craig James Wants You To Help Texans Help Save America
Announcer working Alamo Bowl gets Alamo Bowl coach suspended
Craig James running to the Senate
Craig James loses it

Round 1 Result: Defeated Mike Patrick  75.17% - 24.83%

Results:

Craig James defeated Rick Reilly  66.32% - 33.68% 

In the first of today's matchups we have what can best be described as a contrast in styles.  Though neither of these two were considered favorites at the start, both were impressive in their 1st round victories.  Gray walloped the King of Puns Jim Nantz in taking over 75% of the vote while Thom Brennaman comfortably took out "THAT GUY" Jon Gruden.  But, who has enough awfulness to make it to the not-so-Elite 8?  So who will advance to join Skip Bayless, Joe Buck, Chris Berman, and Colin Cowherd?  The snake in the grass reporter, or the monotone man with the unending Tebow love?

Jim Gray vs. Thom Brennaman

Jim Gray

Fact File: reporter and interviewer for ESPN...or the highest bidder

Why He's Here: Two words - The Decision.  Jim Gray's involvement in The Decision  led to plenty of jealousy from fellow sports media personalities and plenty of fury from sports fans.  At least his pointless stalling in that interview wasn't as contentious as his infamous interview with Pete Rose. But, there's also many other examples of Jim Gray's sterling career.

Links:

Jim Gray's Awful Super Bowl Sign Off
What Happened To Jim Gray?
Jim Gray Tries To Fight Corey Pavin, Gets Dumped By Golf Channel
How Jim Gray Helped Orchestrate The Decision

Results:

Jim Gray defeated Thom Brennaman 77.89% - 22.11% 

ESPN finally released a statement on the Bruce Feldman saga this afternoon.  Bruce has indeed been freed.  Here is what the leader had to say:

"There was never any suspension or any other form of disciplinary action. We took the time to review his upcoming work assignments in light of the book to which he contributed and will manage any conflicts or other issues as needed.   Bruce has resumed his assignments."

A few obvious questions... 1) If there was no suspension why did he have the need to "resume his assignments?"  2) If there was no suspension, why did it take ESPN nearly 24 hours to dispute the report?  3) What conflicts does ESPN envision?  4) Why has Craig James still not been disciplined yet?  

We'll leave those questions and the actual validity of ESPN's statement for another day.  For now, rejoice in the power of Twitter and sports fans to do the right thing.  If you've ever doubted your ability to make change and have a voice, doubt them no more.  I feel like there should be some sort of inspirational movie scene to play me off...