Awful Announcing doesn't just troll the mainstream for examples of the funniest announcing videos. In fact, as an alum/broadcaster of D-III athletics, it's videos like the following that warm my heart the most. If you dare, you are about to view the worst three minutes of soccer play-by-play in recorded history from this Valparaiso vs IPFW game. There's so many gems in here that it's hard to pick a favorite. Maybe the way too over-the-top analyst? The small child joining in on the goal call? The completely blase play-by-play man that makes Joe Buck seem like Andres Cantor? We hesitate to poke too much fun at student announcers or non-professionals, but this announcing is so awful, I wonder if these guys actually dreamed up appearing on our site. At least... that's what I hope...

H/T Brett Myhres

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Thursday, October 20

Bethune-Cookman @ Norfolk State (7:30 ESPNU) Anish Shroff, Jay Walker 
UCLA @ Arizona (9PM ESPN) Rece Davis, Craig James, Jesse Palmer, Jenn Brown

Friday, October 21

15 West Virginia @ Syracuse (8PM ESPN) Joe Tessitore, Rod Gilmore 
Rutgers @ Louisville (8PM ESPN2) Dave Lamont, David Diaz-Infante

Saturday, October 22

North Carolina @ 7 Clemson (Noon ESPN) Dave Pasch, Chris Spielman, Urban Meyer & Quint Kessenich 
23 Illinois @ Purdue (Noon ESPN2) Beth Mowins, Mike Bellotti 
Jacksonville State @ Kentucky (Noon ESPNU) Rob Stone, Danny Kanell 
Cincinnati @ South Florida (Noon Big East Net) Mike Gleason, John Congemi, Eamon McAnaney 
9 Arkansas @ Mississippi (Noon SEC Network) Dave Neal, Andre Ware, Cara Capuano 
4 Oklahoma State @ Missouri (Noon FX) Gus Johnson, Charles Davis, Tim Brewster 
11 Kansas State @ Kansas (Noon FSN) Bill Land, Dave Lapham, Emily Jones 
Northern Illinois @ Buffalo (Noon ESPN3) Michael Reghi, Doug Graber
Yale @ Penn (Noon VS) Randy Moss, Ross Tucker, Carolyn Manno
Indiana @ Iowa (Noon BTN) Eric Collins, Chris Martin, Dionne Miller 
Wake Forest @ Duke (12:30PM ACC Net) Steve Martin, Dave Archer, Scott Pryzwansky
New Mexico @ Texas Christian (2PM mtn) Todd Harris, Todd Christensen, Amanda Mazey 
Boston College @ 12 Virginia Tech (3:00 ACC Net) Rich Waltz, Keith Jones, Jenn Hildreth 
Louisiana Tech @ Utah State (3:00 ESPN3) Trey Bender, Jay Taylor 

20 Auburn @ 1 Louisiana State (3:30 CBS) Verne Lundquist, Gary Danielson, Tracy Wolfson 
13 Nebraska @ Minnesota (3:30 ABC/ESPN2) Carter Blackburn, Brock Huard 
Maryland @ Florida State (3:30 ABC/ESPN2) Mike Patrick,Craig James 
17 Texas A&M @ Iowa State (3:30 ABC)  Mark Neely, Ray Bentley 
22 Georgia Tech @ Miami (3:30 ESPN) Bob Wischusen, Bob Davie, Samantha Steele 
NC State @ Virginia (3:30 ESPNU) Pam Ward, Dan Hawkins 
10 Oregon @ Colorado (3:30 FSN) Joel Meyers, Brian Baldinger, Jim Knox
Air Force @ 5 Boise State (3:30 VS) Paul Burmeister, Shaun King, Anthony Herron 
Temple @ Bowling Green (3:30 ESPN3) Greg Franke, Tom Cole
Ohio @ Akron (3:30 SportsTime Ohio/ESPN3) Matt Underwood, Frank Stams
East Carolina @ Navy (3:30 CBSSN) Josh Lewin, Randy Cross, Kaylee Hartung 
Memphis @ Tulane (3:30 FOX College Sports) Steve Physioc, Yogi Roth, Desmond Purnell
Fresno State @ Nevada (4PM WAC Net) Barry Tompkins, Joe Glenn 

Army @ Vanderbilt (7PM ESPN) Clay Matvick, Brian Griese, Allison Williams 
Utah @ California (7PM CSN-Bay Area) Roxy Bernstein, Mike Pawlawski, Chris Townsend
Tulsa @ Rice (7PM FSN) Ron Thulin, JC Pearson, Jeremy Bloom 
Miami (OH) @ Toledo (7PM ESPN3) Bill Clark, John Ross
21 Penn State @ Northwestern (7PM BTN) Tom Hart, Derek Rackley, Lisa Byington 
Tennessee @ 2 Alabama (7:15 ESPN2) Mark Jones, Ed Cunningham, Jeannine Edwards
USC @ Notre Dame (7:30 NBC) Tom Hammond, Mike Mayock, Alex Flanagan 
SMU @ Southern Mississippi (8PM CBSSN) Dave Ryan, Rich Rodriguez 
Texas Tech @ 3 Oklahoma (8PM ABC/ESPN3) Brad Nessler, Todd Blackledge, Holly Rowe          
25 Washington @ 8 Stanford (8PM ABC/ESPN3) Sean McDonough, Matt Millen, Heather Cox    
6 Wisconsin @ 16 Michigan State (8PM ESPN) Brent Musburger, Kirk Herbstreit, Erin Andrews 
Florida A&M @ South Carolina State (10:30 ESPNU) Adam Amin, Jay Walker
Oregon State vs Washington State - CenturyLink Field, Seattle (10:30 FSN) Craig Bolerjack, Joel Klatt, Petros Papadakis
New Mexico St @ Hawaii (Midnight ESPN3) Robert Kekaula, Darren Hernandez, Rob DeMello 

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With the NBA missing games, inflamed rhetoric is bound to increase on both sides as negotations get heated and frustrations increase.  That should come as no surprise.  The fact that it's Bryant Gumbel throwing out the most explosive statement regarding the lockout to date may be one though.  Gumbel destroyed NBA commish David Stern on Real Sports with a brief editorial that ended the program.  He described Stern by saying the NBA's "infamously egocentric commissioner seems more hellbent lately on demeaning the players than resolving his game's labor impasse."

But it's Gumbel describing Stern as a "modern plantation overseer" that is garnering buzz, controversy, and headlines.  Believe it or not, this isn't Gumbel's first racially toned pipebomb regarding a league commissioner.  While there will certainly be criticisms of Gumbel invoking slavery imagery as ludicrous when discussing multi-millionaire athletes, it signifies the deep mistrust and venom Stern himself has fostered with the way he has terribly handled the lockout.  Unfortunately, the inflammatory nature of these comments will likely create a firestorm of controversy instead of a real discussion of the role race is playing in the NBA lockout.

Here's the video below as well as a partial transcript from our pal John Karalis at Crossover Chronicles...

"Stern’s version of what’s been going on behind closed doors has, of course, been disputed. But his efforts were typical of a commissioner, who has always seemed eager to be viewed as some kind of modern plantation overseer treating NBA men as if they were his boys. It’s part of Stern’s M.O. Like his past self-serving edicts on dress code or the questioning of officials, his moves are intended to do little more than show how he’s the one keeping the hired hands in their place."

Who knew Beach Justice could take the form of a cable sports show editorial?

H/T Crossover Chronicles

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Honestly, between you and me, I thought Gary Danielson's quote would be a runaway winner this week.  However, I can't complain with the sheer genius of this week's winning quote.  The official analyst of the dark side of the force, Craig James, is turning this year's Pammies into a runaway after Pam dominated the early season standings.  He takes top spot and fourth place this week as last year's Pammies champ Chris Spielman makes his first appearance.  The envelope please...

10) "You are hearing Rocky Top the national anthem of Tennessee" - Verne Lundquist (via many)

9) "What a good get off he had." - Matt Millen (via sjwest86)

8) "The Tigers need to win two games, but they can't do that without a victory tonight."- Charles Davis (via KSJ49) during ALCS promo

7) "I knew right away because it felt different under there." - Gary Danielson (via sjwest86) on accidentally lining under a guard

6) "When Cousins is hot, he's the best passer in the game." - Dave Pasch (via bjo109).  Kirk Cousins?  Really?  Really?

5) "I think he did a one handed job right there." - Rod Gilmore (via jamiedupler)

4) "When that USC band started to play, what was the first thing we thought? Trojans." - Craig James (via jasondschwartz)

3) "Tebow would be here tonight, but he's starting for the Broncos tomorrow." -Brent Musburger (via davidreeves9071).  Tebow was on a bye.  I guess you wouldn't know watching ESPN this week though.

2) "he's a dirty player. i'm not saying he's a dirty player but he's on his way to being a dirty player." - Chris Spielman (via bjo109)

1) "Six Trojans are going to come" - Craig James (via SenatorGiggity)

Week 7 Top 5 -

1) Craig James 75 pts

2) Pam Ward 38 pts

3) Matt Millen 35 pts

4) Gary Danielson 32 pts

5) Brent Musburger 17 pts

Others receiving votes - Beth Mowins 13 pts, Brett Favre 13 pts, Lou Holtz 11 pts, Artrell Hawkins 9 pts, Warrick Dunn 9 pts, Dan Hawkins 9 pts, Jenn Brown 9 pts, Mike Patrick 9 pts, Chris Spielman 9 pts, Sean McDonough 8 pts, Gus Johnson 7 pts, Lee Corso 7 pts, Wendi Nix 7 pts, Steve Martin 7 pts, Tom Cole 7 pts, Jesse Palmer 6 pts, Rod Gilmore 6 pts, Andre Ware 5 pts, Dave Pasch 5 pts, Alex Flanagan 4 pts, Mike Morgan 4 pts, Joe Tiller 3 pts, Keith Jones 3 pts, Desmond Howard 3 pts, Shaun King 3 pts, Charles Davis 3 pts, Danny Kanell 2 pts, Steve Beuerlein 2 pts, Scott Van Pelt 2 pts, Kevin Kugler 1 pt, Eric Collins 1 pt, Verne Lundquist 1 pt.

The Full Week 8 Announcing Schedule will be coming soon, where you can find the dates and times of games and all the announcing pairings as well.  Then, make sure you check back every Saturday for the Pam Ward Chronicles and another week of the Pammies!

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It's time for the Fall Classic on FOX, brought to you by the lip services of Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, Ken Rosenthal, and unfortunately, not Terry Francona. I'd add more, but I'm still trying to get over the Tigers running out of steam vs. the Rangers and fathom the fact that Gerald Laird could wind up with a ring. Enjoy the greatest time of the year, people.

Wednesday, October 19

Game One: Texas Rangers (CJ Wilson 16-7; 2.94) @ St. Louis Cardinals (Chris Carpenter 11-9; 3.45) - FOX 7:30/8:05PM

Thursday, October 20

Game Two: Texas Rangers (Colby Lewis 14-10; 4.40) @ St. Louis Cardinals (Jaime Garcia 13-7; 3.56) -FOX 7:30/8:05PM

Saturday, October 22

Game Three: St. Louis Cardinals (Edwin Jackson 12-9; 3.79) @ Texas Rangers (Derek Holland 16-5; 3.95)- FOX 7:30/8:05PM

Sunday, October 23

Game Four: St. Louis Cardinals (Kyle Lohse 14-8 3.39) @ Texas Rangers (Matt Harrison 14-9; 3.39) - FOX 7:45PM/8:05PM

Monday, October 24

Game Five*: St. Louis Cardinals @ Texas Rangers - FOX 7:30/8:05PM * - If Necessary

Wednesday, October 25

Game Six*: Texas Rangers @ St. Louis Cardinals  - FOX 7:30/8:05PM * - If Necessary

Thursday, October 26

Game Seven*: Texas Rangers @ St. Louis Cardinals - FOX 7:30/8:05PM * - If Necessary

If you have Time Warner Cable or Bright House cable and are a NFL fan, you may have to sit down for this. Also try not to break anything.

After weeks of negotiations which were spun as "We're making progress! Almost there!" Time Warner and NFL Network have called off negotiations for the cable operator to carry the channel as well as the NFL RedZone, the quick paced live action channel covering the whole league, which is surging in popularity. 

From Ad Week:

"Sources said the Oct. 7 talks between the NFL and the nation’s No. 2 cable operator became so heated that both sides walked out of a Time Warner Cable conference room without scheduling a follow-up meeting.

Just two months ago, TWC subs were given reason to believe that a deal would be worked out before the season began."

The year of drawn out negotiations hit the fan again as the tens of millions of subscribers of Time Warner Cable and their sister cable operator, Bright House, seem to be out of luck in getting the channel before live games start up in November.

While eight games is a big loss for NFL fans considering they all air during exclusive time windows, a bigger sense of loss stems form the fact that fans will be deprived of NFL RedZone which the NFL likes to bundle into the negotiations. The tactic has worked for MLB and the NBA who have tied carriage of their channel to game packages that fans clamor for.

While it seems laughable that the two sides can't come together, there has long been bad blood between the two organizations that traces back to 2006...

From the dedicated, dare I say heroic individual behind the awesome Occupy Herbstreit tumblr...

"This protest is probably being announced by Pam Ward."

I suppose Pam Ward's announcing would be one way to disperse crowds.  Wall Street could also probably recruit Craig James and his cowboy hat to help break up the protesters... or possibly incite them even more.  Yea, probably incite.

For the record, AA supports all of Occupy Herbstreit's demands, including free nachos and physical documentation of Dr. Lou's PhD.  We'd also suggest adding "banishing Matt Millen and Craig James to the CFL" to the list of demands.  Sorry, Canada.

H/T sundevilpeg

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While many on Twitter were screaming foul in terms of the announcing effort put forth during last night's Monday Night Football game, the harsh reality is ESPN doesn't have much to work with given the lackluster matchup of the Jets and Dolphins. In fact, looking at the 2011 Monday Night Football schedule it's painfully obvious that regardless of whatever the ratings tell us, this could be one extremely dull year. 

For years, Howard Katz, the NFL's main scheduling guru has been revered for his ability to maximize ratings and more importantly keep all the NFL's television partners happy. Starting in 2006 when Monday Night Football moved to ESPN and Sunday Night Football moved onto network television with NBC, the scheduling gods have been less thank kind to ESPN's biggest asset.

When this year's schedule came out, we were pretty unimpressed with this year's slate of games. Injuries have only compounded the problem as the Colts and Chiefs are a shell of what they were last year. Take a look at the full schedule below which will leave you as bewildered and unenthused as being handed a menu at a Vegan restaurant...

The first slate of nominees for the Dick Stockton Chronicles, more affectionately known as Straight Outta Stockton is finally here!  To celebrate, NFL announcers around the country offered AA a smorgasboard of amusingly awful quotes.  Particularly impressive was one Brian Billick, who leads the pack with 3 nominees.  Dick Stockton, Jon Gruden, and Phil Simms also look like they will be among the frontrunners for the Dickies crown.

As to how the Straight Outta Stockton vote works, each week we'll nominate 15-20 quotes for you to pick the best 10.  The winning quote of the week will earn that person 10 points all the way down to 1 point for 10th.  Remember, you can vote for your favorite five quotes.  Here are your Week 6 nominees...

1) "You've got a lot of beef up in there" - Brian Billick (via MatttheKuhn)

2) "There it is! Knee's down! Wait, I don't know." - Phil Simms (via bjo109)

3) "There he is, lined up in the slot. Wait, no he's not." - Dick Stockton (via bjo109)

4) "Endonken Sue." -Tony Siragusa (via SFOrangeMan)

5) "I'm just gonna guess it's a run, you know why? I'm watching the left tackle... Oh I was wrong" - Phil Simms (via TheLoadedOne)

6) "This is the new Michael Westbrook, Brian Westbrook excuse me." - Brian Billick (via BloggerJustinF) AGAIN calls Brian Westbrook Michael.

7) "Alex Smith steps up in the pocket and completely exposes himself" - Moose Johnston (via djstevem)

8) "This is a good place for a fake FG. Why not. I mean punt." - Rich Gannon (via ConnorKeisel) when OAK is punting from near its own 40

9) "When a stat says 'most in the' NFL and it's a positive stat thats an accomplishment." -Dan Dierdorf (via AdamGeyer)

10) "A team that was 2-14 last season is now dancing for joy in Charlotte" - Dick Stockton (via JoshGrahamECU).  Dick, we're still 1-4.

11) "Vick, he's a little woozy right now. They are holding him up like a punch-drunk boxer." - Brian Billick (via BloggerJustinF)

12) "Duh, winning!" - Bob Costas (via many people) quoting Charlie Sheen.

13) "Jay's gonna unleash this one, trying to squeeze into that tight, little hole" - Cris Collinsworth (via gooner_)

14) "When you're the Dolphins, and you're winless, you need to win bad" - Jon Gruden (via kenosando)

15) "Lets Snooki our way back to the Jersey Shore" - Chris Berman (via JKoenAU)

16) "I needed a nickname for Revis so i went with 'all of the time.' Breakfast, lunch, and dinner." - Jon Gruden (via bjo109)

17) "If this was an election, he'd have all 10,000 votes." - Al Michaels (via snelson66) Because we only have as many people as lakes in MN.

18) "The Lions undefeated season is over... for now" - Scott Hanson (via Real_DWM) uhh.. Scott, it's over period.

Vote For Your Week 6 Dickies Nominees! (vote for up to five)

 

The winners will come Thursday morning so make sure you vote early and often and check back for the full NFL Week 7 announcing sked later this week!

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It's hard to believe TBS has been broadcasting part of MLB's postseason since 2007.  In the years since their debut on the big stage, TBS has gone through some major growing pains.  Gone (thankfully) is Chip Caray as the main play-by-play voice.  Gone are some of the production snafus that plagued TBS in some of its early broadcasts as a national baseball broadcaster.  And hey, at least they don't have Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.  However, as this 2011 postseason has taught us, TBS still has some way to go to be a completely respected source for baseball's postseason, even if they have improved since 2007.  So with another playoffs under their belts, let's examine the good, bad, and ugly of TBS's postseason coverage.

The Good

-Although none of the announcers TBS employed have a one-way ticket to the Hall of Fame, their stable of announcers showed a remarkable amount of quality depth.  Brian Anderson, who broadcasts Brewers games during the season, stepped in quite admirably for the network's normal #1 Ernie Johnson.  It was unfortunate that Johnson couldn't broadcast the postseason due to a family health issue, but Anderson stepped in and showed there are some up-and-coming young announcers in the game.  Behind Anderson, Victor Rojas (of the Angels) also scored plaudits for his work in the NLDS between Arizona and Milwaukee.  TBS also showcased a great stable of analysts led by John Smoltz, Bob Brenly, and Joe Simpson among others.  

John Smoltz especially showed improvement in the booth with his prescient analysis, such as when he predicted Delmon Young would be swinging at the first pitch in Game 3 of the ALDS before the Tigers OF hit a first pitch home run.  In the future, Smoltz could truly develop into one of the game's best analysts without being handcuffed by fellow pitcher Ron Darling, who was often redundant in a three man booth.  The studio crew led by Matt Winer was also tolerable, although Cal Ripken, Dennis Eckersley, and Mitch Williams David Wells won't be pushing Inside the NBA for an Emmy anytime soon.

-Give credit to TBS for continuing to push the technology envelope during their postseason broadcasts with PitchTrax, which charts balls and strikes during every at-bat.  Fans seem polarized on the annoyance of the added graphic, and the PitchTrax doesn't exactly seem to have the best accuracy either.  But, it is enjoyable to see it chart the trends of a pitcher during a single at-bat.  There was graphical evidence there for analysts to use to show if a pitcher was trying to paint the corners or was staying away from a dangerous hitter.  Sure, it might need to have the bugs worked out, but the graphic is more informative and less distracting than ESPN's K Zone, which has begun to be superimposed over home plate during at-bats.  While some may disagree with PitchTrax, I'll bet there were some who didn't like the 1st and 10 line either.