I take a bit of pride in some of the more thoughtful, longer columns that have appeared on Awful Announcing in the past year.  Hopefully, it's given AA a different dimension and provided more depth and meaningful commentary to the site that you all knew and loved.

This is not one of those articles.  This is one where we find disturbing shots of announcers from the past weekend where they all look like characters in a zombie movie.  Take Ted Robinson from Versus for instance...



My word, I haven't seen a play by play man look that frightened since Dick Vitale first picked up a microphone.  Then there's Joe Buck and Troy Aikman, who have evidently made a habit out of looking like they are hungry for brains.  In fact, Zombie Joe Buck has been riveting America with his monotone play by play stylings for fifteen years.  (Too easy?)

Jim Mora and Ron Pitts took this craze to a new level when they attempted to become the first broadcast pairing in NFL history to eat each other on live television during the Chargers/Vikings game.  Either that, or they were weirdly demonstrating some sort of football move.  Thank goodness Tony Siragusa wasn't around, or else they'd both be goners.



And finally, my personal favorite, ZOMBIE MARK MAY!!!



No, wait, that's how he always looks.  Sorry.  He would be no use to zombies anyways... I think that scene would play out a little something like this.  

Coming back from a commercial break after the Lions kicked a field goal to go up 3-0 in the first quarter against the Bucs on Sunday afternoon, Chris Myers must not have been aware that his mic was on. FOX audio picked up Myers saying something I thought I'd only ever hear Harry Doyle say in the booth (via Guyism): 

"Thank you ... it's bourbon on the rocks."

Did Tim Ryan ask Myers what he was drinking? Was Myers making a joke about whatever non-alcoholic drink he may have been sipping on? Should we really care? 

Well, maybe, especially if it's the booze that has been helping Myers come up with all his awesome analogies over the years. 

ESPN GamePlan Overpriced and Over Hyped Has Lost Its Luster To College Football Fans

Conceptually, ESPN GamePlan makes complete sense. More football games. Given displaced alumni all around the country, you would think that just like the NFL Sunday Ticket, a premium package of additional football games would be a great thing.

And for years I've paid the roughly $140 or so knowing that there are few people in the world who have more access to football than myself. 

But in terms of value, common sense, and actual usage of the package, it's one of the worst deals on cable and satellite, potentially even worse than renting "Something Borrowed," duped by female company. 

The most glaring issue is that the package does not come in HD. (Cue my yuppie jackass persona to bemoan stretched out standard definition games that actually are being shown elsewhere in HD.) 

A little known secret is that GamePlan games are usually available in HD by other means, but not through GamePlan. College football fans have been some of the fastest adopters of ESPN3.com, as seemingly the whole portfolio of ESPN network games are available there, and in HD. If you're actually savvy enough to hook it up on your television, you'll really find no difference between the regular broadcast and the Al Gore version.

Then, thanks to various complex relationships between the ACC and SEC having their own syndication networks with the help of ESPN and Raycom, you can almost always find a good chunk of the games advertised as being GamePlan exclusives on random channels you already have.

The general sports tier and even your local channels will very often opt in to showing a tier two or tier three game rather than running paid programming or reruns. 

Most of these aired on the sports tier or local channels. Which game here could you have lived without?

ESPN3 is not the only product diluting the "unique" value of GamePlan, though. Last year, ESPN unveiled ESPN Goal-line, their version of the Red Zone Channel, which bounces you around with look-ins to all of the games (in HD of course), giving you all the big plays across a wide spectrum of games. The channel is free for many and is usually found to fill time on ESPN News and in between games on ESPN and ESPN 2.

A lot of cable and satellite companies also have individual game pay-per-view options, meaning you can buy games A La Carte, just in case you're in a pinch and can't commit to the full season.

Given ESPN's broad amount of broadcasting deals with various conferences, there is currently an abundance of programming that can only be found via GamePlan. However, the reality is that soon enough that surplus will evaporate. FX and Fox have their foot in the door, Versus/NBC Sports Network is drooling to add additional college programming, the Pac Ten Network will launch next year, and other upstarts like LHN, BTN, and The Mountain will continue to hoard off a larger portion of their games. The bottom line is that ESPN's market share in broadcasting the vast majority of college games has peaked and will slowly leak out over the next decade or so.

This trend is already underway as GamePlan's weekly schedules over the years have continued to become less attractive to even the biggest diehards. 

I feel like a chump for renewing when I never really watch it. The one game I clicked over to watch during a timeout this weekend, I quickly found in HD on another channel. In the end, barring a scheduling anomaly, I've likely paid $140 for less than an hour of entertainment. Oversold and under delivered -- $140 down the drain for an hour of disappointment. At least I don't have to tip.

Going forward, ESPN needs to get real here as they can't keep trotting out a product that is eroding and at a high price point. ESPN Goalline, ESPN 3, and ESPN PPV all make the package irrelevant. Maybe the sports bars will keep paying, but other than that the package is worthless and needs to be either overhauled or re-priced.  While we're at it, can we do something about Mark May and Craig James, too?

This past January, Jim Cornelison sang the national anthem at Soldier Field before the Chicago Bears' NFC Divisional Round and NFC Championship playoff games. Cornelison gained a ton of fans for his amazing, powerful ability to sing the anthem. Chicago Blackhawks fans have known how awesome he is at singing the anthem for years, as he sings before all of their home games at the United Center. But, singing the anthem before the highly viewed Bears playoff games on Fox really got him the recognition he's long deserved.

Well today, on the 10th anniversary of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, the Bears had Cornelison sing the anthem before their home opener against the Atlanta Falcons. It was an unbelievable scene, with the players from both teams coming out to help hold a massive American flag on the field while Cornelison sang. And Cornelison absolutely brought his A-game for this highly emotional moment.

Here's the must-watch video which is sure to give you goosebumps:

The first Sunday of the NFL season has brought us some interesting announcing moments already.  Fox's Chris Myers was overheard saying something about a "bourbon on the rocks" out of a commercial during the Lions/Bucs telecast.  Incidentally, viewers also have to be drunk to enjoy Myers' commentary.  Then, in St. Louis, Brian Billick described the Rams' ability in using the no huddle offense in an interesting way.  He noted that the Rams "have had some sex with the no huddle."  I think he was trying to say "success," but who knows?  Thank goodness we didn't catch him off-mic asking for a bagel.



H/T h0r0k for the video!

"Since this nation was founded under God, more than 200 years ago,
We've been the bastion of freedom, the light which keeps the free world aglow.
We do not covet the possessions of others, we are blessed with the bounty we share.
We have rushed to help other nations...anything...anytime... Anywhere.

War is just not our nature...we won't start, but we will end the fight.
If we are involved we shall be resolved to protect what we know is right.
We've been challenged by a cowardly foe, who strikes and then hides from our view.
With one voice we say there's no choice today, there is only one thing to do.

Everyone is saying the same thing
And praying that we end these senseless moments we are living.
As our fathers did before,
We shall win this unwanted war.
And our children will enjoy the future, we'll be giving."

The Pam Ward Chronicles roll on for Week 2 of the college football season.  Some interesting games on the docket today including Penn State/Alabama, South Carolina/Georgia, and mediocre teams Notre Dame and Michigan getting the national spotlight under the lights in Ann Arbor for some reason.  Current Pammies leader Pam Ward (who else?) will be at Lexington for Central Michigan/Kentucky at noon on ESPNU.  We will update the Pammies as we can with your comments in the open thread and Tweets to us at AA throughout the day.  Use the hashtag #PWAA to send in submissions via Twitter or leave a comment below.  The nominees will come Monday for you to vote on and the winners will be announced on Wednesday.  You can check out the winners from last week and the full Week 2 announcing schedule below.  Here's a couple quotes from last night to get us started.

Week 1 Pammy Winners and Standings

Full Week 2 Announcing Schedule
____________________________________________________________________

"It almost doesn't matter if they make the field goal in a 16-10 game." - Rod Gilmore (via Champ1192)

"6 foot 8 Brock Osweiler" - Joe Tessitore (via everyone) reminding us several times throughout last night's telecast that yes, ASU QB Brock Osweiler is indeed a tall man.

"Texas Tech is the toughest test on Oklahoma State's schedule." - Craig James (via sctvman) OK State plays five ranked teams and Tech isn't one of them.  Maybe it's the beginning of his PR campaign in Lubbock. 

"Is there any place better to play and coach than illinois?" - Kevin Kugler (via Benjamin Bordeau)

"Oregon State kicked the ball backwards." - Chris Spielman (via Powellabama) on a punt that went -4 yards from the line of scrimmage, but not backwards.

"BYU has a chance at getting to the #2 spot because of their defensive line." - Trevor Matich (via sctvman) saying BYU has a chance at a spot in the BCS title game.  Matich is a BYU grad.

"Danny Travathan. Let's make that a synonym for a great play." - Pam Ward (via sctvman)

Tigers' announcers Mario Impemba and Rod Allen were talking about Rod Allen's favorite minor league town to play in (Mario asked him about it) and Rod's reply was Buffalo, New York. As if that wasn't eyebrow raising enough, (around the 50 second mark) Rod said it was due to the show the GM would put on for the fans and players, which would include people dancing on the dugouts, "midgets," "giants," and then delicious chicken wings. Mario Impemba laughed. (shoddy HD iPhone video below, and nevermind my fantasy player updates on MLB.tv):

Of course, because we're all material girl PC guys living in a material world PC world, Allen caught some flak for saying "midget" instead of little people or vertically challenged people. Personally, I think his comment, like his "rice and beans" comment earlier this summer, is innocent, but what do I know - I'm a Pollack. Nonetheless, he apologized for it the next half inning: 

On calling Kirk Gibson's home run (which you can see in the video above) in the 1988 World Series:

I don't know where it came from, but out came a line that later on I thought only could've come from The Boss. That line, 'In a year of the improbable, the impossible has happened'—which, I must admit, is a pretty good line—it just totally came out of nowhere. My heart, that's where it came from, and God helped me out.

On calling game one of the 1953 World Series at the age of 25, making him the youngest ever to call a World Series:

So the morning of the first game—and they were all day games back then—I was living at home with my mother and father and sister. And for my mother, a typical Irish mother, breakfast was the most important meal of the day. So we had the whole thing—the orange juice, the bacon and eggs, the toast. Everything was fine, but when I went upstairs I threw everything up. Because I'd only ever done just a little tiny bit of television and all of a sudden I'm going to be working with the great [Yankees announcer] Mel Allen.

On calling Don Larsen's perfect game in the 1956 World Series:

Anyway, it was just, 'Foul ball, ball two,' because we were intimidated by the idea we were talking too much. So I can't watch it. I was just so dull professionally, and so different from what I would've done under the same circumstances today. I've never watched it again. Never.

On calling Sandy Koufax's perfect game in 1965.

That was just one of those nights, and I'll be honest, it was pretty well done on my part, but I lucked out. It's kinda like Sandy pitching a perfect game—everything has to happen and that particular night it was pretty good. It could've been another night where I was stepping on my tongue and all that stuff. I just always thought God helped me through that, and I'm glad for Sandy. That's all.

And so the biggest thing, when the ball was hit, was that I got this tremendous rush of goosebumps for this marvelous accomplishment, and the place went bananas, I mean just crazy. So I didn't want to say anything; the crowd noise to me was like a symphony, and I took the headset off and I walked to the back of the booth. I stood back there and just watched it, and loved listening. There I was, the eight-year old boy—I was under the radio again, just listening to this crowd. When I came back again, I just said what I felt, and what I felt was that it was great for Henry and his family; it was great for the team and the city and the state. But eventually, my mind kept saying, This is bigger than that. This is huge. This is a great sociological thing because a black man is being honored in the Deep South. I mean you've got yourself a monumental moment. So all of that came out. That was it. When Henry hit the home run, I guarantee you that's the longest uninterrupted crowd noise, maybe in the history of sports because there was nothing else to say. Everybody tuning in knew where he was, what happened, what it meant. There was nothing else to say—just that roar of the crowd.

Outstanding stuff. It's hard to read those quotes without having a smile on your face.

Everyone's favorite ex-ESPN announcer Joe Morgan is finding interesting ways to keep our attention since having his face removed from the AA Rushmore. He started by getting his own sports talk radio show. Ha! Nobody listens, though, so there hasn't been much to say on it. Joe Morgan's next move is leading chicken dances. No, he's not coming back to Sunday Night Baseball; these are real live chicken dances, apparently. This Morgan gold comes via The Enquirer (H/T tipster Steve):

Reds great and Baseball Hall of Famer Joe Morgan will lead the annual World’s Largest Chicken Dance at Oktoberfest next Saturday.

Morgan, a 10-time All-Star and National League MVP in 1975 and 1976 when the Reds won back-to-back World Series titles, is the second former Red to lead the Chicken Dance, joining Joe Nuxhall, who did it in 2007.

The dance will take place at 1:30 p.m. on Saturday, Sept. 17, on Fountain Square.

The organizers of the chicken dance say they were drawn to Morgan because of the way he would flap his back arm while hitting, almost 30 years ago. You can't make that stuff up. At least this will undoubtedly give rise to stuffjoemorgan.com.