Well, Magglio Ordonez definitely smelt it, one must conclude that he indeed must have dealt it as well. It could have been all of that Latino food the Tigers had pregame that led to this very serious situation in the 9th inning of a very important game between the Tigers/Rays tonight. Anyways, after Rod Allen casually remarks that, "somebody must have blown some wind down there," that comment completely sidetracks him and Mario Impemba and they spend the next minute or so making fart jokes and giggling about it. In conclusion, farts are funny.

For those playing The Rod Allen Drinking Game, that is 2 drinks for general silliness.

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Monday August 22

New York Mets @ Philadelphia Phillies (MLBN 7PM) Local Broadcast [Alt: Boston @ Texas - 8PM]

Tuesday August 23

Boston Red Sox @ Texas Rangers (MLBN 8PM) Local Broadcast [Alt: Atlanta @ Chi Cubs]
Chicago White Sox @ Los Angeles Angles (WGNA 10PM) Ken Harrelson, Steve Stone

Wednesday August 24

Boston Red Sox @ Texas Rangers (ESPN2 7PM) Sean McDonough, Aaron Boone, Rick Sutcliffe
Chicago White Sox @ Los Angeles Angles (ESPN2 10PM) Dave O'Brien, Chris Singleton

Thursday August 25

Oakland Athletics @ New York Yankees (MLBN 1PM) Local Broadcast [Alt: Detroit @ Tampa Bay]
Atlanta Braves @ Chicago Cubs (WGNA 2PM) Len Kasper, Bob Brenly
Boston Red Sox @ Texas Rangers (MLBN 8PM) Matt Vasgersian, Joe Magrane [Alt: Pittsburgh @ St. Louis]

Friday August 26

Chicago Cubs @ Milwaukee Brewers (WGNA 8PM) Len Kasper, Bob Brenly
Los Angeles Angels @ Texas Rangers (MLBN 8PM) Local Broadcast [Alt: Pittsburgh @ St. Louis]

Saturday August 27

Atlanta Braves @ New York Mets (FOX 4PM) Kenny Albert, Mark Grace, Ken Rosenthal
Detroit Tigers @ Minnesota Twins (FOX 4PM) Mario Impemba, Bert Blyleven
Colorado Rockies @ Los Angeles Dodgers (FOX 4PM) Daron Sutton, Eric Karros
Pittsburgh Pirates @ St. Louis Cardinals (FOX 4PM) Dan McLaughlin, Mitch Williams
Chicago Cubs @ Milwaukee Brewers (WGNA 7PM) Len Kasper, Bob Brenly
Los Angeles Angels @ Texas Rangers (MLBN 8PM) Local Broadcast [Alt: San Diego @ Arizona]

Sunday August 28

New York Yankees @ Baltimore Orioles (TBS 1:30PM) Ernie Johnson, John Smoltz
Chicago White Sox @ Seattle Mariners (WGNA 4PM) Ken Harrelson, Steve Stone
Los Angeles Angels @ Texas Rangers (ESPN 8PM) Dan Shulman, Bobby Valentine

H/T Sammy! 

The Cubs and Cardinals were featured on Sunday Night Baseball last night from Wrigley.  With Orel Hershiser at the LLWS, it was just Dan Shulman and Bobby Valentine in the booth.  In the top of the 7th inning, with the Cards leading 6-2, Bobby Valentine brought up Cubs All-Star shortstop Starlin Castro daydreaming in the infield.  Mentioning this and saying that Castro needs to learn to be on his toes would be one thing... but Bobby V didn't stop there, no.  He then went on a SEVEN MINUTE rant about the Cubs All-Star, including some rather harsh comments.  A big thanks to Clubhouse Cancer for uploading and sending us the video...

"He needs to learn the game and play it properly."

"If those things are allowed to exist, then a cancer will form within the team."

"It's like a math genius coming into your geometry class and knowing that he understands math and he's going to learn a new level of math while you're teaching him geometry.  The major leagues is a new level of baseball.  This young man has great talent, he knows how to play the game, but he doesn't know how to play the major league game."

Yes, Bobby Valentine said that a 21 year old shortstop who leads the National League in hits doesn't know how to play the major league game.  Does Bobby V make a good point about Castro's defense - yes.  His 21 errors leads the National League, but is it really worth a seven minute rant to talk about what Castro is doing before the pitch?  Does Bobby V need to rip Castro for eating sunflower seeds?  Is it worth insinuating he's a cancer or that he "doesn't know how to play the major league game?"  No.  For some reason, Dan Shulman or someone in the truck wanted this conversation to carry on for the entirety of the half inning, which was overkill to the extreme.

The Cubs definitely have a problem with cancers in the clubhouse, but is Starlin Castro one of them?  The kid is 21 years old and is clearly the best player on a team that has a lot of bigger problems to worry about.  Valentine's point would be valid if this video had stopped after a minute, but this rant was excessive and creates silly headlines like "Valentine says Castro doesn't know how to play Major League Baseball."  Consider all of this serious analysis about playing the right way in the majors is also coming from a guy who wore a fake mustache in the dugout.

Which brings us to Bobby V and his announcing.  Many observers on Twitter believed he was shamelessly positioning himself for future consideration as the Cubs' new manager throughout last night's broadcast.  Valentine's announcing has been largely regarded as a failed experiment in the Sunday night booth.  He's an interesting personality, but hasn't been a good fit for baseball fans as a game analyst.  In fact, we've had several Tweets throughout the season saying he's actually worse than Joe Morgan!  High praise, indeed.  It will be interesting to see if ESPN admits failure in their primetime baseball slot after only a season and goes in a different direction next year.

This weekend, some of the best basketball players on the planet all took the same court... and it had nothing to do with the NBA.  The Goodman League All-Stars defeated the Drew League All-Stars 135-134 in a game played in Washington DC.  The Drew (Los Angeles) and Goodman (DC) Leagues are two of the premier basketball leagues in the country and have been flooded with NBA players during the lockout.  On the floor for Saturday night's Capital Punishment game was a who's who of NBA stars - Kevin Durant (who led all scorers with 44 points), John Wall, Ty Lawson, Demarcus Cousins, Brandon Jennings, and James Harden just to name a few.  Kobe and LeBron have both made appearances in the Drew League this Summer as well.  With the success and hype for this weekend's game, there is already talk of a second game happening soon in Los Angeles.  Here's the highlights from DC...



All of these summer league highlights beg the question... whatever happened to the NBA...

If there is one sure way to guarantee you will be on Awful Announcing, it is by ending your game-winning call by screaming WOOHOOOO in euphoria 3000 times the normal volume. This is exactly what the Houston Dynamo's PBP man (whom I believe is Charlie Pallilo) did following an absolutely perfect left footed strike in extra time with seconds to go to break a tie with Real Salt Lake. Here's exactly what he said for those of you with broken computer speakers.

"Dixon top of the box, Dixon still going, Dixon fires... HE GOT IT, OH MY GAWDDDD! WHAT A WINNER! THE DYNAMO ACADEMY PRODUCT, IN THE 93RD MINUTE! ALEX DIXOONNN! WOOOOHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

I gotta say, I love the enthusiasm. I'm happy this found its way to the youtubes because I always find ecstatic soccer announcing goals fantastic. And videos of dogs, definitely love the videos of dogs.

[Deadspin]

Amidst all of the talk and analysis of the University of Miami football scandal, Dick Vitale's opinion hasn't crossed many people's minds.  However, he found himself on Miami radio to talk to the folks at Dan LeBatard's program yesterday.  Usually, I'm not a fan of Vitale and his schtick.  In fact, pretty much the only personality at ESPN who has become more of a caricature of himself is Chris Berman.  And a large part of Vitale's shtick has been protecting the NCAA and the glamorous programs of college basketball. 

Give Dickie V credit for calling on Donna Shalala to resign though, an opinion that's been slow to develop. After all, the national media became hoarse calling for Orville Reddenbacher/Gordon Gee to resign at Ohio St. and he wasn't exactly photographed taking a check from a convicted felon.  However, when pressed by LeBatard's cohost Jon Weiner about rampant renegade programs in the NCAA, Vitale predictably put his head back in the sand.  While Vitale is right in saying not every program buys their players prostitutes, only true apologists would claim there isn't a systemic problem in the NCAA. What was more surprising though, was Vitale abruptly hanging up on the interview... maybe he had to catch the early bird special?

Wow.  Rarely will Vitale get that fired up unless it's his annual bubble team rant.  After watching the clip though, the biggest loser in the entire exchange was Dan Le Batard.  I've constantly been on the fence about Le Batard, at times he seems like one of the few sportswriters who are courageous enough to take an unpopular stand.  But most times, especially when subjects hit too close to home (The U, Miami Heat, ESPN), he rolls over and plays dead.  Seriously, is Dick Vitale going to go to the Bristol principal's office and tattle that LeBatard and his co-host were big bad meanies?  If Dan LeBatard can't stand up to Dickie V of all people... what hope does that leave for his new ESPN2 afternoon series to be anything more than a lame dog and pony show? 

[H/T USA Today]

Of course, the biggest sports story to drop this week was the Yahoo report that demolished the Miami Hurricanes football program.  While the traditional sports media was caught with their pants down, Yahoo brought forward an unbelivably detailed and thorough report documenting the scandal at The U and cementing their status as the best reporting site around.  So, you could understand if the notable Cane alums in the media were a bit shellshocked by the report.

In fact, you can clearly see in interviews given this week that former U players Warren Sapp and Michael Irvin (of NFL Network) and former coach Jimmy Johnson (of Fox) are battling through the Five Stages Of Grief.  From the amateur psychologist's point of view it really is quite enthralling...

1) Denial 

Jimmy Johnson was on Mike & Mike this morning and had this to say...

"I know the people and the media right now are reading all these allegations.  Let's not forget this convicted felon, he cheated people out of over $900 million dollars.  And a little parasite, you know, his entire lifestyle was a lie.  So I'm sure some of these allegations are embellished.  I'm sure some of them are lies, so, let's wait until we get the facts before we start convicting anybody."

Mike Greenberg: "That's fair."

Way to hold Jimmy accountable Greeny, because, you know, it's not like these allegations are substantiated by any documentation anywhere.  Most of it is just mean and nasty rumors from a criminal with an axe to grind.  It's not like you can click on every player involved in the investigation and see evidence that this happened...

Oh, wait... you can do that?  Well, it's not on ESPN and Fox, so we have to wait and see before we start convicting anybody.  Yes, let's wait until the facts come out.  Good work Jimmy, you're on your way to coping with this...

IndyCar driver Will Power would like to give us a very special introduction to this week's Screengrab Snafus...



Oh my, come to think of it that's not very pleasant at all.  Let's move on, shall we?

In that same vein, one newspaper evidently had a bad encounter with tennis great Roger Federer.  I always thought he was quite the gentleman, perhaps I was wrong though...


Actually, I believe it's German for "The Bart The."

Can you spot the error in ESPN's Monday Night Headquarters, hyping the first matchup of the regular season?  This one takes a little effort to find...


And finally, you may have seen this obnoxiously horrifying video of those Alabama sorority girls.  Well, CNN.com chose to go in this unfortunate direction with their headline about the video...


That was your week in Screengrab Snafus, next time be careful out there!!

For Fox's preseason broadcast of Steelers/Eagles in Pittsburgh last night the network decided to place studio analyst Terry Bradshaw in the booth with the A Team of Joe Buck (still suffering the effects of his vocal cord illness) and Troy Aikman. The result was... interesting, to say the least (I was watching reality TV for most of the night, so can't comment definitively either way... c'mon it's preseason football!).

Some viewers apparently loved the different element TB added. I have to say, if memory serves me correctly, Bradshaw did a Sugar Bowl in the booth with Howie Long when Fox had the college football package and did very well.  However, most viewers on Twitter thought TB sounded hammered, senile, or something a bit more disturbing.  Whatever the case, people were talking about preseason football and Bradshaw's booth cameo.  A sign of things to come... or an elaborate ruse from Fox to distract America from its apathy towards Joe Buck. If so, that didn't seem to work.

As always, these are Real Tweets from Real People...

ESPN just debuted their flashy, new, expensive Baseball Tonight set this week.  It's certainly impressive, but it looks like some of the studio personalities are strug-g-ling with their new toys.  Host Steve Berthiaume attempted to take viewers through some lineup changes the Twins were being forced to make on one of ESPN's touchscreen monitors (which are fullproof as we've seen in the past).  Amazingly, the touchscreen didn't work as orginially planned!  Stunning!  What ensued was Berthiaume and analysts Curt Schilling and Jamie Moyer suffering a traveshamockery of the highest order.  Thank goodness the world doesn't run on these reliable instruments of technology...



Surely, the ESPN guys went through that segment beforehand and tested it out (I hope) and the screen faltered during the live show.  Which begs the question, are all the touchscreens really that necessary?  What do they really add except for being an insanely expensive, sometimes working television monitor?  Can't ESPN just do these segments on a giant chalkboard.  There may be some available...

Thanks to @soccerkevin11 for sending us the tip on Twitter.  Don't forget to send us tips either on Twitter at @awfulannouncing or at our e-mail us at the addresses to your left.