This may be my favorite matchup of Round 1.  Two titans of Awful Announcing come together as reigning, defending, Most Awful Announcer of the Year Matt Millen takes on the one and only John Sterling.  Millen has come back to TV as a legitimate analyst after his disaster with the Detroit Lions.  At least he's still clearly a resident of planet earth... something I'm not certain of with THHHHEEEEEE Yankees play by play man (seriously, just look at that picture).  Remember, polls are open until the next matchups go up tomorrow.  Then on Wednesday, we'll have the full recap of Round 1 and the Round 2 draw as well as our first Round 2 matchup.  

Matt Millen vs John Sterling



Matt Millen 

Fact File: ESPN college football game analyst, studio analyst for Monday Night Football, and elsewhere on ESPN

Why He's Here: The former Detroit Lions GM used to be one of the best announcers in the NFL over a decade ago.  However, his stint as one of the worst GMs in sports has ruined his credibility as an analyst.  For some reason though, ESPN decided to put him on nearly every football game and studio show on the network.  Since returning to the booth and the studio, all of his questionable opinions and takes have been magnified.  Also, there was his memorable pairing with Joe Theismann in the NFL Network Thursday Night booth, which was one of the worst analyst combos in history.  Millen was named AA's #1 Worst Announcer of 2010 by the readers.

Links:

#1 Worst Announcer of the Year (2010)
Real Tweets From Real People - Millen & Theismann
Matt Millen thinks Randy Moss should be a coach?
Ethnic slurs and awkward apologies

John Sterling

Fact File: New York Yankees play by play man

Why He's Here: Sterling is one of those rare announcers that has become a caricature of himself.  His Bermanesque homerun calls can be painful even for the most ardent of Yankee fans.  They wouldn't be so bad if Sterling didn't routinely botch even the simplest of commentary.  His trademark "Yankees win, THHHEEEE YANKEEEEES WIIIINNN" call is the anthem of the seventh circle of hell for baseball fans outside New York.

Links:

Derek Jeter's 5,000th hit?
John Sterling Is Utterly Confused
John Sterling Being John Sterling
The Sterling Shake

Results:

John Sterling d. Matt Millen 58.69% - 41.31%
 

Only 4 First Round matchups remain with 3/4 of the 2nd Round Draw already filled as the Joe Morgan Memorial Tournament works its way from 32 to 16.  With the weekend's battles wrapped up, here's the list of 12 names that have made it so far.

Skip Bayless, Rick Reilly, Tony Siragusa, Thom Brennaman, Deion Sanders, Michael Irvin, Chris Berman, Pierre McGuire, Craig James, Joe Theismann, Mark May, and Jim Gray.

The first of today's matchups see two men that have shared many a set together on ESPN's NBA coverage.  The slow resurrection of the career of Stephen' A. Smith cements itself with an appearance in the JMMT field.  He takes his unique abilities against NBA studio host and SportsCenter anchor Stuart Scott in a matchup of two men whose glory days have well passed them by.  

Stephen A. Smith vs Stuart Scott



Stephen A. Smith

Fact File: ESPN NBA reporter/analyst/debater... well, actually he's not around that much anymore

Why He's Here: Stephen A. is a hard man to find these days.  After the mistake that was Quite Frankly and his period of overexposure, Smith faded away.  Somehow, he has a job hosting shows on ESPN Radio in New York and Los Angeles and still makes the sporadic TV appearance.  It's enough for us to give Screamin' A. a place on the list.

Links:

Stephen A on Kwame Brown
Stephen A voted AA/AOL's Worst Sports Announcer (2007)
Stephen A Says Goodbye To ESPN
Stephen A Has Heard Something Terrible About LeBron James

Stuart Scott

Fact File: ESPN's NBA studio host, NBA Draft anchor, MNF anchor, and occasional SportsCenter anchor

Why He's Here: We wish all the best for Scott's cancer treatment, but we must be honest in critiquing his abilities as a television personality.  Boo-yah was en vogue a decade ago, but Scott's shelf life as a legitimate television host has passed its due date.  His anchoring skills were exposed at the latest NBA Draft where jokes were met with silence, information was gotten wrong, and Stuart was left behind.

Links:

Good, Bad, & Ugly of ESPN's NBA Draft Coverage
Real Tweets from Real People - NBA's Awful Draft Coverage
Stuart Scott Accused Of Being A Journalist?
Stu attempts to be cool

Results:

Stephen A. Smith d. Stuart Scott 51.45% - 48.55% 

The USA-Brazil World Cup game captivated the country due to the dramatic nature of the American comeback victory in penalty kicks.  The USA had to deal with the adversity of several terrible calls going against them and come from a goal down and a player down in extra time to force a shootout.  Of course, Abby Wambach and her heart-stopping goal was the moment that stood out.  But, on the announcing side, it was once again ESPN's lead soccer commentator Ian Darke that received the plaudits.

Normally, we save Real Tweets from Real People for the times fans laugh at, criticize, or lampoon announcers or sports coverage on the negative side.  Darke's soccer commentary on the other hand, motivated fans watching to praise his work on Twitter, which is quite an astonishing feat, really.  Fifteen months ago, Darke was a little-known-in-the-States English Premier League announcer, only recognized and appreciated by the hardcore soccer fan.  After his outstanding work at the 2010 World Cup, ESPN hired him full-time as their lead soccer voice, largely due to the passion and excitement of his call of Landon Donovan's goal against Algeria.  It was there that Darke established almost a cult-like following and he has been truly magnificent since, broadcasting ESPN soccer games from the EPL to this Women's World Cup, and an occasional MLS game or two.  

It takes something special for fans to single an announcer out for praise and Darke is well deserving.  He's long been one of Britain's best announcers, but is finding success now working in the US.  His calling of the game has the classic British style, but Darke also has a bit of Americanization in the excitement of the big moment.  That's why he may be a better fit in the States than the classy Martin Tyler.  Darke successfully captures the story of the game (noting the awful officiating and the difficulty of the miraculous US comeback) while also letting the game speak for itself at just the right time.  As we've said for a long time, Ian Darke's full-time hiring at ESPN was one of the network's best decisions in recent memory.  

Just look at what his presence has meant for the Women's World Cup on the network.  Darke lifts the entire coverage and it tells sports fans that may not necessarily be fans of women's soccer that this is a world class event.  Gus Johnson is perhaps the only current announcer in sports that can inspire fans with commentary in the way that Darke was able to do on Sunday.  It doesn't matter that he's not an American, we watch the EPL for the same reason - it is simply the best.  As always, these are Real Tweets From Real People...

The game of the year in sports took place in Dresden, Germany as the United States defeated Brazil 5-3 in a penalty kick shootout after one of the most thrilling soccer matches you'll ever see ended in a 2-2 draw.  The Americans had an early 1-0 lead on a Brazil own goal, but controversy ensued early in the second half.  Marta was (questionably) fouled by Rachel Buehler in the box.  Buehler received a red card for the penalty, but Hope Solo heroically saved the penalty kick from Cristiane.  Unbelievably, the referees called Solo off her line (we think) and received a yellow card when she clearly wasn't.  Perennial World Player of the Year Marta scored the second PK to make it 1-1.  The USA then fought with 10 players into extra time, where Marta scored on an unreal flick to put Brazil up 2-1 (although there were more questions of offside in the buildup).

The USA looked for sure to be exiting the tournament as the remaining 30 minutes of extra time wore on.  Then, in the 122nd minute, American striker Abby Wambach scored the latest goal ever in a World Cup game to level the score at 2-2.  From there, the momentum was all on the American side and Hope Solo again made a penalty kick save during the shootout, which the Americans won 5-3.  Without question, it's the high point of women's soccer in this country since Brandi Chastain and the 1999 World Cup.  The USA will play in the semifinals against France Wednesday morning at 11:30 AM ET and the nation will surely be watching.  Wambach's goal joins Landon Donovan's famous goal against Algeria last year in the 2010 World Cup as one of the all-time great American soccer moments.  Here's the goal and the amazing Ian Darke on commentary once again...

Last month we told you about the decision facing the biggest free agent in the NBA this offseason, Shaquille O'Neal.  Of course, Shaq wasn't fielding calls from NBA teams what with his retirement and that whole lockout thing being so en vogue in sports these days.  No, instead Shaq had the NBA's two TV partners, ESPN and Turner, beating down his door to sign The Big Shamrock as their newest on-air personality. Well, it seems Shaq has indeed made his decision to spurn the leader and join TNT's happy NBA family.

With the news being broken by our friend Darren Rovell on Twitter (hear his podcast with us here), details are sparse at the moment.  One would have to assume Shaq would slide right in to the award-winning Inside the NBA along with Ernie Johnson, Kenny Smith, and Charles Barkley, perhaps replacing the air time left behind by the departure of Kevin McHale to coach in Houston.  Almost universally, the move is being lauded as a surefire success.  Who wouldn't find the combination of The Big Aristotle and Sir Charles entertaining and enlightening.  

But, as I've mentioned before, I'm not so easily convinced.  Is there enough room for both Shaq and Charles Barkley on one studio set?  It's almost like having both LeBron James and Dwyane Wade on the basketball court.  Will one be willing to set up the other?  Is there enough air time to go around for the both of them?  Will Shaq's involvement disrupt the famed chemistry between Ernie, Kenny, and Charles?  What about Chris Webber, entertaining in his own right, will he be squeezed out of regular Inside the NBA appearances to NBATV purgatory?  

As an NBA fan, I would have preferred to see Shaq go to ESPN where he could have spread his wings across multiple platforms while immediately becoming the network's best and brightest NBA personality.  Shaq could have taken ESPN's NBA coverage from mediocre to something actually worth watching.  How much can Shaq honestly improve Turner's already fantastic NBA coverage?  Time will tell.  While the odds are that Shaq will eventually be a success with Sir Charles and the TNT gang, I'm not willing to pass out any Emmys to Shaqtus just yet.  That is, until Shaq's inevitable reality show on Tru TV as a part-time Sheriff comes to fruition.  I suppose that's one additional Turner platform for Shaq to conquer.

Watch the smarminess explode in this next matchup of the Joe Morgan Memorial between these two Jims off the old block!  There may be no sleazier sports figure on television in history than Jim Gray with his exploits covering the gambit from making a sympathetic figure out of Pete Rose to asking LeBron about his fingernails.  But, will Gray's general scumminess be enough to overcome the King Of All Puns...Jim Nantz?  Remember AA Nation, it's Nantz's cozy relationship with CBS execs that most likely forced out Gus Johnson, halting his dream of announcing the Final Four.  So much awfulness to choose from, but only one winner!

 

Jim Gray

Fact File: reporter and interviewer for ESPN...or the highest bidder

Why He's Here: Two words - The Decision.  Jim Gray's involvement in The Decision  led to plenty of jealousy from fellow sports media personalities and plenty of fury from sports fans.  At least his pointless stalling in that interview wasn't as contentious as his infamous interview with Pete Rose.  But, there's also many other examples of Jim Gray's sterling career.

Links:

Jim Gray's Awful Super Bowl Sign Off
What Happened To Jim Gray?
Jim Gray Tries To Fight Corey Pavin, Gets Dumped By Golf Channel
How Jim Gray Helped Orchestrate The Decision

Jim Nantz

Fact File: Unquestioned #1 play by play man at CBS.  Lead announcer for the NFL, March Madness, and golf coverage

Why He's Here: Hello, friends.  Jim Nantz isn't liked by some sports fans simply because he held Gus Johnson's chair at the Final Four in a vicegrip.  Nantz is perhaps too professional as an announcer as his overly smooth and polished style sometimes turns off viewers.  While Nantz has his moments, he has never been fully accepted by college basketball and NFL fans as their lead announcer.  And then, there are the puns.  Oh, the puns. 

Links:

Jim Nantz Caught Practicing One Liners
Jim Nantz Drops Three Dog Puns At End Of Uconn/Butler National Championship Game
The Jonas Brothers Have A Fan In Jim Nantz 
Jim Nantz Has An Oil Painting Of Himself

Results:

Jim Gray d. Jim Nantz 78.15% - 21.85% 

This Sunday matchup appropriately pits two former NFL offensive linemen against each other - former Bengal Dave Lapham gets down in the trenches with former Redskin Mark May.  Lapham is a dark horse in the field, but appears because of his homeristic announcing from the analyst position on Bengals radio and his work nationally on FSN college football.  He faces stiff competition in conspiracy theorist and SEC homer Mark May... strange for a guy who went to Pitt.  Only one former O-Lineman can pancake their opponent in this matchup though.  First, the results from yesterday, where two other former NFL players were victorious...

Joe Theismann d. Mike & Mike 65.70% - 34.30%
Craig James d. Mike Patrick 75.17% - 24.83%

 
Dave Lapham vs Mark May



Dave Lapham

Fact File: Fox Sports Net college football analyst and Cincinnati Bengals radio analyst

Why He's Here: Lapham may be one of the lesser known names on this list, but he's just as big of a local homer as men like Sterling, Harrelson, and Edwards... except from the analyst position.  The former Bengal doesn't show it as much on FSN, but he constantly screams and cheers over his play by play man on Bengals broadcasts.  Lapham is a poster child for analysts annoyingly shouting FUMBLE!! or TOUCHDOWN!! over their play by play partners and it's just as annoying as Hawk Harrelson yelling STRETCH!!

Links:

Lapham is utterly confused
This is what a homer analyst sounds like on a game winning drive
More fun with Dave


Mark May

Fact File: ESPN college football game and studio analyst

Why He's Here: Mark May is persona non grata in Big Ten country, especially with Ohio State fans as his bizarre feud with the Buckeyes led to "Mark May sucks" chants at the Sugar Bowl.  May's analysis and teams that he dislikes or criticizes seems to be completely random and changes every 8 minutes.  May must like playing the villain role because his analysis often takes an antagonistic, critical role.  Therefore, it's not just Buckeye fans that don't take a liking to him, but rather most all college football fans.  If he offered good analysis, this might be more acceptable.

Links:

Conspiracy Theory Starring Mark May
In Something New, Mark May Is A Joke
Terrelle Pryor vs Mark May
Lou Holtz laughs at Mark May getting booed and a "Mark May Sucks" chant

Results:

Mark May d. Dave Lapham 65.07% - 34.93%
 

Sportsgrid brings us the goods in this video of the HBO announcing crew reacting to the judges controversial decision in the Paul Williams/Erislandy Lara fight. There's a lot of good things going on here, I'll point out some of my highlights.

-Fight ends and Lara's trainer rushes the ring and lifts him up in celebration. Williams does that awkward unconvincing celebration that usually no one buys...except of course a couple of judges tonight. Lederman's scorecard flashes on the screen showing he had the fight 9 rounds to 3 in favor of Lara.

-at :39 in, check out the young girl in Williams' corner with the skittle colored headphones that she didn't even bother to take off looking as sad as possible.

-With his arms in the air as the judges decision is being read, Lara's face at :53 seconds pinpoints the exact second you can see his heart break. Skittle headphone girl approves of the decision.

-1:02 in, a clearly disgusted Bob Papa weighs in.

-At 1:18 in, Roy Jones hilariously says, "goodness sakes!" before comparing this decision to his immensely controversial loss at the '88 Olympics.

-At 1:25 Bob Papa invites those watching at home to tweet their disgust.

-Pause at 1:44 in and check out Kellerman's face as he looks to have just completed the most sarcastic post-fight interview ever after describing Williams performance as "courageous." The next 30 or so seconds is everyone with a microphone looking flabbergasted at the ineptness they felt the judges had tonight.

-At 2:41 Jay Sherman makes an appearance. The way Max delivered that line had to be him paying homage to the short-lived mid 90's animated show staring Jon Lovitz, right? Right. The Critic, in my opinion, is one of the most underrated shows of all-time. It was just a smart show that ended too soon. Jay Sherman also guest starred on a Simpsons episode teaming up to create possibly my favorite thirty second clip ever...football in the groin.

Wait, what's this website about? Sports announcing? Oh, then here is a clip of Bob Costas (really) broadcasting the opening moments of the NYC marathon as Jay looks to pull off the upset. See, once again, I'm on task.

-2:43 in to the video, I, Max says the decision was indescribably bad...then spends the next 40 or so seconds describing just how bad the decision was. Papa's response to Max's rant simply was to say "crazy" in a defeated tone as the clip ends.

Well, that's boxing for you. Sometimes you get Ward/Gatti and other times you get the apparent travashamockery that took place in the ring tonight. This is usually the point of the post where I'd for no real good reason at all post up Max Kellerman's rap music video, but it apparently has been taken down all over the internet. Instead, I leave you with this screenshot from that video that looks to have accurately depicted Max's mood tonight.

[Sportsgrid]

My goodness.  What is up with Derek Jeter's 3,000th hit causing all of these typos and botches of grandeur.  First, it was CNN giving him credit for 3,000 "homers" instead of hits.  That's just slightly understandable because Derek Jeter became only the second major leaguer to collect his 3,000th hit on a home run, joining Wade Boggs.  Since this is Jeter and the Yankees though, you just knew that our old friend John Sterling had to get in on the act.  First off, let's hear the TV and radio calls from Michael Kay on YES Network and then Sterling and Suzyn Waldman on WCBS radio in New York.



Both of the calls of Kay and Sterling are actually pretty good and not too over-dramatized for the moment.  Shocking, I know.  I laughed out loud though at just how ridiculously over-the-top the gushing praise of Jeter is once the celebratory aspects kick in.  Suzyn Waldman describing Jeter waving to the fans actually moves me to reach for the tissues as I write this.  Evidently, the monumental emotion for the magnificent Yankee carried to the postgame where John Sterling was running down the particulars of what happened at the new Yankee Stadium.  He was so moved by the afternoon that he thought Jeter's home run actually counted for 2,000 hits instead of 1.  Again, understandable, he is the Yankee captain after all, but if my math is correct, he won't really be approaching 5,000 hits until 2027.  Listen closely...

no comments