Your 2010 Week 9 Pam Ward Chronicles

Written by Packey on 30 October 2010.

Your full week 9 announcing schedule is here. I'll be missing most of the nooooon games, but will be around all day after that. And here we go.

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"A pick six is always worse than a punt." -- Dave Norrie via Sctvman

"It doesn't matter if you've got an inch, 3/4 or a half inch......... cleat that is." -- Craig James (via Sctvman)

"That mayday stuff, that nostradamic stuff." (about the clock being wrong on the stat) -- Craig James (via Sctvman)

"It was a great 4th quarter for North Carolina State" -- Rece Davis (at the end of the 3rd) (via Sctvman)

"Third and California for FSU." -- Jesse Palmer (via Sctvman)

"Danged if you do, danged if you don't." -- Craig James (via Stvman)

How many do we drink when Craig James says "big [time] play!" tonight?

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Your 2010 Pam Ward Chronicles: Week 8

Written by Packey on 23 October 2010.

pam

I'll be out of town Saturday, but you know the drill -- leave any and all awful announcing you hear in the comments. If you're not near a computer, you can tweet awful announcing using the hash tag #pwaa or sending it directly to us @awfulannouncing.

Here's your week 8 announcing schedule. Go.
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"It's Santa Claus. When it's released, it's, like, interesting." -- Craig James (via Sctvman)

"They don't care if it's the New York Giants, the San Francisco Giants or the Little Giants." - Jesse Palmer (via Sctvman)

LaMichael James being helped off the field is "a great sign for this offense" according to Jesse Palmer (via Sctvman)

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Your 2010 Pam Ward Chronicles: Week 7

Written by Packey on 16 October 2010.

Here's your full announcing schedule. Leave any comments here and we'll update as the day progresses. You know the routine.
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"He was just a half-step from taking it to the paydirt." -- David Norrie (UCF-Marshall) (via Sctvman)

"Last year, Lattimore was the best college player except he was playing in high school" -- Trevor Matich (via Musburger's Flask)

"Tebow, he's thick. Here's Denard, [holds up pen]" -- Trevor Matich (via Musburger's Flask)

"Tonight from Morgantown." -- Beth Mowins In UCF/Marshall game (via jdhood)

"Go channel your inner Pirate" -- Mike Leach (via Bay Area Boogie)

"Do you realize there are only three main killers (colors with his impediment): red, green and yellow? But think of what Michaelangelo did with those killers." -- Lou Holtz as Mack Brown before the game (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Jeff Mullens says he plays from the neck up." -- Jesse Palmer (via Sctvman)

"Coffman could've scored in touch football." -- Dave Lapham (via Sctvman)

"He is a 230 pound ballerina." -- Dave Lapham (via Sctvman)

"Most people like sandwiches with their Biere, don't they?" -- Dave Lapham after KU tight end Tim Biere gets smushed by a couple of KSU defenders (via Musburger's Flask)

"My quad and hammy hurt form that exercise." -- Craig James (via Sctvman)

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Your 2010 Pam Ward Chronicles: Week 6

Written by Awful Announcing on 09 October 2010.

pam

Week 6 is upon us. Here is your full announcing schedule for week 6 college football.

With MLB playoffs in full swing, NHL regular season and NBA preseason beginning, submissions have been slow for the Tuesday-Friday games, but leave the awful announcing you hear on Saturday in the comments. We'll update as the day progresses.
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"Helu ... goodbye!" -- Rece Davis after a Roy Helu TD

Brad Nessler said earlier that WVU won the Big East in 2006 after Rutgers beat Louisville. Nope, Louisville won league, went to Orange Bowl (per Sctvman)

Note from gtl6363 in the comments of the announcing schedule: Nessler is being inducted into the Minnesota Broadcasters Hall of Fame on Saturday night so ESPN allowed him and Joe Tessitore to switch spots in order to free up Nessler to attend the ceremony. They'll be back to their regular pairings next week.

Kirk Herbstreit picked Tech because he said, "Baylor has no chance in Lubbock." The game was in Dallas (via Sctvman)

"Taylor Martinez is to Nebraska what iPad is to Apple." -- Desmond Howard (via Sctvman)

Lee Corso picked Boise State to be the only team in the top 4 to finish the season undefeated. He then also said Nevada is the longshot team with the best chance to go undefeated. Boise State plays Nevada later this season. (via KabaModern)

"I think Auburn's gonna win this game, but they're going to have to outscore Kentucky." -- Kirk Herbstreit (via Sctvman)

"Illinois has got to be ahead of the chains." -- Brian Griese (via Sctvman)

"It hits at the 25 (really the 15) and takes a Syracuse bounce to the 20." -- Mike Gleason during a punt (via Sctvman)

"This guy is a bug; he runs all over the place." -- Doug Graber (via Sctvman)

"You win with your eyes as a quarterback." -- Andre Ware (via Sctvman)

"Tyrelle won't run, unless he decides to run." -- Chris Spielman (via Anon)

"This is a secondary that knows it's gonna have a chance to get its hands on a lot of ball." -- Chris Matin referring to Wisconsin's defense (via PDub)

"You can't go out and score 17 points in one possession or even in two." -- Andre Ware after UGA scored to make it 17-0 over TN. (via Aaron2hott)

"Speaking with the imprecision of Wisconsin's QB, Scott Tolzien." -- Chris Martin
"It's the competitiveness of Pryor that makes him not want to get tackled." -- Bob Griese (via Sctvman)

"The 919 area code is the one that engulfs Raleigh." -- Steve Martin (via Sctvman)

"He seems to throw better when he gets hit." -- Dave Pasch on Chappell (via Sctvman)

"Michigan State is back." -- Bob Griese (via Sctvman)

Andre Ware looking forward to two Big 12 teams like Nebraska in a Bowl game. (via Sctvman)

"Georgia looks like it has a pretty good chance to get its first SEC win" -- Andre Ware when UGA's up 41-14 (via Sctvman)

"That's hot." -- Dave Lapham when the camera was focused on a couple of attractive women (via The Pitty)

"That worm is going to turn and we're going to win a bunch of games." -- Dabo Swinney on Clemson radio (via Sctvman)

"It hit him in a bad spot... right in the hands." -- Matt Millen on Roundtree's drop in UM/MSU game.

"Great job by Rob Spence leading Syracuse's offense." -- John Congemi -- Rob Spence was fired last year. (via Kevin Brown)

"Somewhere on the sideline, Tracy is going 'oh no!'" -- Verne Lundquist talking about Tracy Wolfson, a UM alum as UM was losing to MSU, 31-10 (via JFein)

"I think it's time that all those big schools should jump above Boise and TCU. I'm talking about Auburn, Arizona, LSU, if they win tonight." -- Gary Danielson (via Eric Sorenson)

"I don't know if there is a better place for tailgating than Stanford." -- Craig James (via bspn)

"Boy, that was quick! Gutendberg's got a printing press near the locker room!" -- Verne Lundquist on newspapers reading "Gamecocks beat 'Bama!"

"I love Spurrier." -- Verne Lundquist (via Sctvman)

"This fan base is overwhelmingly South Carolina." -- Verne Lundquist on South Carolina game being played @ South Carolina (via Sctvman)

"Oh my goodness! Oh!" -- Verne Lundquist (via Sctvman)

"Alabama will not crack mentally." -- Gary Danielson in the 4th (via Sctvman)

"To move the ball down the field." -- Mike Leach on MSU's game plan. (via Sctvman)

"You don't need to manage the clock when you score in one play." -- Todd Blackledge (via Sctvman)

"The last ten minutes should be broadcasted on CourtTV, not ESPN." -- Joe Tessitore

"Les Miles looks like the mad science genius." -- Todd Blackledge

"He's athaletic." -- Lou Holtz (via Sctvman)

"LSU would be a good place to stand during a lightning storm." -- Mike Leach

"It's possible to overbelieve in this business." -- Mike Leach

"Mississippi State has two pretty looking quarterbacks." -- Mike Leach

"Those three guys were covering that receiver so they were unable to cover the other ones." -- Mike Leach (via Sctvman)

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Your 2010 Pam Ward Chronicles: Week 5

Written by AA on 02 October 2010.

Your full announcing schedule can be found here. I'm seeking out Pammy today.

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Rece Davis: Nicely dart for the first down. Jesse Palmer: Those chips, they hurt on defense. (via Sctvman)

"Whistles went off before Dan Bailey could poke through the extra point." -- Rece Davis (via Sctvman)

"It's just like, 'wooh!'" -- Craig James on their workout routine from the night before (via Sctvman)

Might be a good time to link this from Mocksessions.com

"On this night, Mike Gundy is the man and he's got win #40." -- Rece Davis (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"From 2002-2008 he (Mark Richt) won over 10 wins a game." -- Kirk Herbstreit (via Sctvman)

"JJ has not been dynamite lately." -- Chris Fowler (via Sctvman)

"For Alabama, today is first taste of TRUE SEC athletic ability on both sides of the ball." -- Kirk Herbstreit (via Sctvman)

"He didn't have enough yeast to rise up and make that catch." -- Joe Tessitore (via TFred)

"Clemson wins it for the homecoming queen." -- Lee Corso (via Sctvman)

"Dan Persa has been playing unconscious the last few weeks." -- Bob Wischusen (via Sctvman)

"Oh my goodness! A wide open Hankerson." -- Dave Pasch (via Sctvman)

"He takes film with his cellphone at team meetings and his dead e-mails him back telling him what he did wrong." -- Steve Martin (via Sctvman)

"When all your reads are covered, what to do with the football." -- Bob Griese

"Both balls should have bene thrown with a little bit of mustard." -- Chris Spielman (via Sctvman)

"Dewayne Allen said he has a man crush on Antonio Gates." -- Dave Pasch (via Sctvman via @weber_matt)

"Nice stats early this year for the SEC and the rushers in the SEC." -- Andre Ware (via Sctvman)

"If he made that tackle, that wouldn't have been a touchdown." --Bob Griese
"To stop the DT, you have to chop his knees down." -- Chris Spielman (via Sctvman)

"You want to play the guy you know, the guys you want to ball your fists up and fight." -- Chris Martin (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Pat Fitzgerald's bald spot is going to look like mine." -- Bob Wischusen (via The Pitty)

"Keep in mind, it's not the NFL rules. You see the one knee there, if that's not a catch, I don't know what is." -- Andre Ware (via Sctvman)

"Miami has always been one of the most penalized teams, not only in the nation, but in the conference." -- Bob Griese (via Sctvman)

"Playing the secondary is a lot like marriage. Without communication it'll never work." -- Chris Spielman (via Sctvman & Mike)

"I don't know if you could put a ruler between where the ball was and the end zone." -- Dave Neal (via Sctvman)

"We've seen the race horse tempo at times." -- Bob Wischusen (via Sctvman)

"Think there are some Duck fans in Eugene that want to serve some entree to Stanford tonight?" -- Brian Griese (via Sctvman)

"The old three stooges move. Giving him a shot to the eyes." -- Chris Martin (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"He'll just get the lean and he'll pick up the first down." -- Andre Ware (via Sctvman)

"I'll take this kid Ellington home with me." -- Bob Griese (via Sctvman)

"He's gonna make contact with his eyes." -- Chris Spielman (via Sctvman)

Supposedly, a pregame radio host said the OU and UT girls in Dallas "gave away a barrel of poon last night." (via Eric Sorenson via Gary Parrish)

"Miami's only touchdown scoring during the second half came during that drive." -- Bob Griese (after a Miami field goal) (via Sctvman)

"They're going to the chapel man. They're gonna get married" --Chris Spielman after a Ben Chappell highlight (via CK29)

"probably the best football player on the entire defense." -- Jeremy Bloom (via Sctvman)

"the smooch applied by Jay valai." -- Mike Patrick (via Sctvman)

Mike Patrick referred to Michigan State as Michigan on a couple of occasions.

"he knows how to play basketball on the football field." -- Eddie Robinson Jr. (via Sctvman)

"Ben Chappell leads the Big 10 in passing. Up next, they take on the undefeated Hoosiers." -- Pam Ward (via Sctvman)

"If you fry it, I'll try it." -- Todd Blackledge (via 49er16)

"That's an effort hold." -- Eddie Robinson Jr. which set up a 2nd and 20 with a minute to go, Rutgers down 3. (via Sctvman)

"That's offensive coordinator Dan Treadwell." -- Dari Knowka (via Rick James Bible Owner)

Steve Beurlein liked to say, "I tell you what...." (via Mal)

"Indiana, which has not beaten Michigan since 1987, battling toe for toe." -- Pam Ward (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Denard waited for the receiver to get open and dribbled...delivered the perfect pass." -- Danny Kanell (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Really dangerous throw by Matt Simms. He put it in a good spot." -- Steve Beurlein (via Mal)

"The second hit is the one that hurts. That'll make you a little fozzy." -- Brad Nessler (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Do you believe in miracles!?" -- Steve Beurlein after Vols scored to take the lead. (via Mal)

"This offensive line gives up more pancakes than Aunt Jemima." -- Craig James (via Sctvman)

"That was messed up." -- Pam Ward after a snap infraction on Indiana (via glydewake)

(via Mal) -- Just after LSU converts a long 3rd down. Beurlein: "I like how LSU didn't try to pick up the whole thing on 3rd down knowing they would go for it on 4th down". Bolerjack said just before that: "LSU picks up the first down".

"Michigan St. without its head coach because of a blood clot from his heart attack two years ago." -- John Saunders (via thethirdhalf)

"You had a busted play, you almost had a busted game." -- Brad Nessler (via Sctvman)

"A very high one, a fairly short one by his standards." -- Joel Meyers (via Sctvman)

"The earth was about to end in Tallahassee. No, Gainesville." -- Gary Danielson after Florida failed to score after 3 quarters (via Sctvman)

"This is the Tebow position." -- Verne Lundquist on Trey Burton (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"You try too much Tebow, and kaboom!" -- Verne Lundquist

"Tim Tebow in his four years at Florida channeled his inner Otto Graham." -- Vene Lundquist (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Young Luck is the best QB I've seen since Peyton Manning." -- Brent Musburger (via Sctvman)

"Should be....well...time is called, by Alabama. Nope. Did they give them the timeout or did the quarter expire? So Alabam is not charged for the timeout...now...now it's a timeout." -- Verne Lundquist (via gatorchomp960608)

"The Cardinal Big 10 Gashing their Pac 10 brethren." -- Brando (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"oh, wow!" -- Verne Lundquist on a 12-yard play action pass. (via Sctvman)

"There was nothing lucky about that play." -- Kirk Herbstreit after a TD pass from Andrew Luck (via JFein)

"Now the crowd is fully engaged from the proceedings." -- Sean McDonough

"We know who AFLAC is pulling for tonight. That's right, the Ducks!" -- Brent Musburger (via JFein and CK29)

"A reminder, we've got some drama here, but ABC's got its own drama, Detroit 1-8-7." -- Brent Musburger (via Ck29)

"Dewayne Walker's got one thing going for him: New Mexico State isn't the worst team...in New Mexico." -- Robert Smith (via Rick James Bible Owner)

Davie: "There are 3 guys on one guy."

Ohhhhhkaaaaaaaaayyyyy.......
Jones: "That looks like your security detail." (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Heart attacks are a lot les painful when you're 5-0." -- Gary Danielson (via thethirdhalf)

"I think Florida has been served notice, they are goign to have to score in this football game." -- Gary Danielson (via Sctvman)

"This crowd has been rocking all night." - Bob Davie
"They've been banging on Rob Bolden's eardrums." - Mark Jones (via JFein)

"Not so Happy Valley for those fans." - Mark Jones showing the Penn State fans in Iowa in the 4th quarter. (via JFein)

"Stanford's got Luck on their side, so here we go." -- Brent Musburger (via JFein)

"Why, you would think that is Dick Vitale at Duke!" - Brent Musburger as they show the Oregon fans lifting the Duck over their heads in the stands. (via JFein)

"The entire state of Tennessee is rooting for Washington." -- Carter Blackburn (via bspn)

"I'm telling a joke to the special teams during these timeouts." -- MIke Beliotti (via Sctvman)

"Well that punt's trouble. It's not very far and not very high." -- Mike Leach (via Sctvman)

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Your 2010 Pam Ward Chronicles: Week 4

Written by Packey on 25 September 2010.

Your fearless Pammy leader is calling the Noon ESPN'er between NC State & Georgia Tech. Seek out your favorite announcers at your full announcing schedule and leave their awfulness in the comments as nominations.

If you're on twitter, two things: 1) Make sure you're following us @awfulannouncing. 2) If you can't add comments here, you can submit nominations by using the hash tag #PWAA, which obviously stands for perfect weather all afternoon.

We'll update the Pammy nominations as the day progresses.

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Rod Gilmore thinks the head starts at the armpit. via Dascenzo

"(The mid 1930s) was the last time a Brillo pad hit that thing." -- Joe Tessitore on the Iron Skillet (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Andy Dalton, the red-headed quarterback." -- Lee Corso (via Sctvman)

"Josh Jasper, the friendly ghost." -- Lee Corso (via Sctvman)

"You have the blue in Boise, but you have the copycat inferno in Cheney, WA." -- Chris Fowler (via Sctvman)

"If he's not a Heisman candidate, then there shouldn't be a Heisman candidate." -- Kirk Herbstreit on Kellen Moore (via Sctvman)

"Mitch Mustain to Ben Cleveland steamin in the end zone" -- Chris Fowler (via CUBFLOS)

"Oregon State have two chances to win tonight, slim and none." -- Lee Corso (via Sctvman)

"I see coach Bobby Johnson and Georgia Tech sending the Wolfpack packing." -- Picabo Street, Tech's coach is Paul Johnson. (via Sctvman)

Mike Morgan called Mark Dantonio "D'Antonio."

"It's a 7-0 MSU win." -- Mike Morgan in the 1st quarter.

"I'm not that smart." -- Mushin Muhammad (via Isaac)

"If this kid (Russell Wilson) was four inches taller, he'd be on the #1 list for everybody." - Bob Griese

"This is what you call a volleyball interception." -- Glen Mason (CM/NW game)

"I asked the trainer, 'Did he tear his ACL?" -- Quint Kessenich on Denard Robinson's minor knee injury.

"Could Boise State go on the Bataan Death March that Alabama has been on the last couple of years?" -- Doug Gottlieb (via Sctvman)

"Great coverage by the Boilermakers." -- Matt Shepard after a Toledo punt. (via Sctvman)

"This is really getting to be an epidemic of penalties on the Ball State offense." -- Wayne Larrivee

"Too much speed, too much grass, welcome to Mr. Robinson's neighborhood" -- Brian Griese (via mcnealc31)

"What a first quarter it has been for Michigan. 21 points on the board, 11 first downs, a turnover, and Denard Robinson potentially knocked out for the rest of the game with an injury." -- Bob Wischusen

"That's how the Wolfpack were able to hunt, basically like a pack of wolves" -- Chris Spielman (via CK29)

"I guess you take a knee to have a feel of the field before halftime." -- Mike Gleason (via Sctvman)

"You can take those effort penalties if the ball has already been snapped." -- Andre Ware (via Sctvman)

"He's got a good ball skills." -- Matt Stinchcomb (via Sctvman)

"It's not going to be a run play, when it's a pass play...because of pass protection." -- Chris Spielman (via Dascenzo, ReaderM and Rich Greene)

"Torrie Smith, there was some bumpin' and grindin' going on out there." -- Rob Stone (via Rick James Bible Owner)

If you're just now joining us, this is not ESPN Classic and this is not a game from last year." -- Bob Wischusen on Forcier being in the Michigan game (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Scott Vallone on the tackle New Jerseey product from Central Islip, NY" -- Pam Ward (via Aaron2hott)

"and of course, the late great Magic Johnson" -- Mushin Muhammad talking about the Big Ten icon as if he's dead (via Isaac)

"I already sound like I've been at homecoming." -- Ryan Rose (via Sctvman)

"You know it's a big game when Mr. Manning shows up." -- Tim Brando (via 49er16)

"I call that the delayed QB draw." -- Andre Ware (via Sctvman)

"It's tighter than the knot on your tie." -- Andre Ware talking to Dave Neal (via Sctvman)

"The twilight zone for Tennessee." -- Andre Ware (via Sctvman)

"Bernard Pierce pierces the endzone." -- Chris Martin (via JFein)

"He's wide open! ... Intercepted." -- Verne Lundquist (Preacher)

"Shrunkenage. What difference does one inch make?" -- Gary Danielson (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"I'm just glad I brought my contacts today because that was a blur." -- Chris Martin (via JFein)

"If looks could kill, he is definitely upset right now." -- Charissa Thompson (via JFein)

"What can Brown do for you? Not much on this play." -- Chris Martin (via JFein)

"You might even call him the Fresh Prince of LA." -- Sean McDonough (via hooverbaseball)

"It's a Morton Salt kind of day. When it rains, it pours." -- Matt Millen (via James Russel Craven)

"Field goal doesn't do the Razorbacks any good." -- Verne Lundquist as Alabama decides what to do on 4th and inches. (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Urban Meyer rolled the dice and came up aces." -- Clay Matvick (via dplatt84)

"If you want to hear a sound emanating from Boise, Idaho, come on back." -- Brent Musburger (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Fannin on the first fumble, Dyer on the second. It could be dire straits if they score." -- Brad Nessler (via Sctvman)

"He's going to be just a shade shy." -- Brad Nessler (via Sctvman)

"He completed 60% of his passes." -- Lou Holtz on McElroy, who completed 6/9 passes in 4th quarter.

"I guess you can say D is for devastating and j is for jarring." -- Mark Jones (via Sctvman)

"Hoddy toddy gosh almighty." -- Rece Davis (via Sctvman)

"When this guy hits you, you stay hit." -- Bob Davie (via Rockchalk)

"The old air fake. Sort of like air guitar." -- Brad Nessler (via Sctvman)

"Darren Bates laid the wood on Garcia." -- Todd Blackledge (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Tony Straughter got him some in the face." -- Brad Nessler (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"James Rodgers feels like Big Meech. Larry Hoover. Doin' work. And he's a mover!" -- Mike Hill (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Jaye Howard is like a landlord. He's renting space all over." -- Mark Schlereth (via mtjaws)

"Will he get the first down? No he will not! I don't think." -- Verne Lundquist (via Dascenzo)

"when u get in the open field thats where the speed really becomes such a strong asset.." -- Lou Holtz (via acoracle)

"And there's the trickeration." -- Brent Musburger (via GenoMrosko)

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Your 2010 Pam Ward Chronicles: Week 3

Written by AA on 18 September 2010.

pamward

ESPN College GameDay is in Auburn, AL for the Auburn/Clemson game and hopefully you're here for the Week 3 Pam Ward Chronicles.

Here is your full announcing schedule. Below are the few nominations we've had so far. Leave any derps in the comments and in due time you'll see them featured above.
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Jesse Palmer: If we look at NC State's true freshmen running backs, the one that has impressed me most is Mustafa Green...
Craig James: He puts his foot in the ground and moves it north.
Jesse Palmer: And he's good at running the football as well as catching it.

"That's not a Kerry Collins old wind up" -- Mark Neely (via Sctvman)

"Wilson... over the middle, oh-oh it's hanging up there and it's caught. And now it's fumbled!" -- Rece Davis, mostly so I could link this.

"He didn't throw the fastball outside." -- David Norrie (via Sctvman)

"The runningback looked like Sylverster Stallone in Cliffhanger." -- David Norrie (via Sctvman)

"Georgia's defense has to step up. They kept getting punched by South Carolina last week without throwing any counter punches." -- Chris Spielman

"I'm selfish, I wanna see the kid play. He has circus man freak skills & I don't get to see him." -- Chris Spielman on AJ Green

"So the defensive holding is on Thaddeux Brown, the quarterback." -- Mark Neely

"I think that a big conference team should have to lose two games before BC, no Boise State, gets a chance at the National Championship." -- Lee Corso (via Sctvman)

"Texas heads into Lubbock with 10, 12 straight Big 12 wins." -- Lee Corso (via Sctvman)

"There was a woodwind out there trying to make the team." -- Tom Hart on Michigan's open tryouts. (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"And of course we know the football is oblong." -- Anthony Herron (via Rob Rogacki)

"On 3rd and short, it's dealer's choice." -- Andre Ware (via Sctvman)

"That's a high-risk, low-reward throw." -- Brian Griese (via Sctvman)

"They almost got the quarterback sandwich, on special today." -- Chris Spielman (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Hindsight is 20-20. Spike it to the ground." -- Dave Lapham after a QB run (via Sctvman)

"Jeremy Reeves buttoned him up." -- Bill Land (via Sctvman)

"Unbelievable injury situation for the Mean Green" -- Dave Ryan (via Sctvman)

"Each team with one play stoppage in this first half." -- Dave Ryan (via Sctvman)

"A little bit of out and up there." -- Andre Ware (via Sctvman)

"Georgia essentially will have to go the length of the field, as they start at their own 25." -- Dave Pasch (via Sctvman)

"6-foot-4, that's a lot of Hokie to throw over." -- Ryan Rose (via Sctvman)

"Every time I flip around, I turn it on and watch. It's a really good show." -- Bob Griese on SportsNation (via Sctvman)

"They're the real deal. You need offense to win championships." -- Chris Spielman (via Sctvman)

"Not a hurry-up, but kind of a half-hurry-up." Chris Spielman

"Locking up those horns, baby!" -- Dave Lapham (via Sctvman)

"Hold your water." -- Bob Griese (via Sctvman)

"So Massachusetts, missing the 2-point conversion is down 12 and needs three scores." -- Tom Hart (via Sparan Chris)

"If you're putting a guy in the bear hug, you got to call the flag." -- Chris Spielman (via Sctvman)

"Childs, please!" -- Dave Pasch after Greg Childs game winning touchdown for Arkansas (via Abe)

"All that shucking and driving led to the penalty." -- Ryan Rose (via Sctvman)
"He couldn't hold the water." -- John Gregory

"We can't speculate that his toe went down." -- Andre Ware (via Sctvman)

"They need their receivers to get going and Jermaine Thomas is going for 1500 rushing yards." -- Pam Ward on a running back. (via Sctvman)

"Cam Newton is a two hundred and forty...thousand pound playmaker." -- Wendy Nix (via Murph)

"The most impressive legs of any two teams in college football playing today." -- Mike Leach (via Sctvman)

"Cutcliffe encouraging the defense to be more stout." -- Beth Mowins (via Sctvman)

"A lot of times a player is picking up the futbol is susceptible." -- Mike Leach (via Sctvman)

"We've got kind of a zoo coming on here, these animals competing, right here in the arena." -- Mike Leach (ref in the game is a chief financial officer of the St. Louis zoo) (via Sctvman)

"Spurts right through it." -- Pam Ward (via Sctvman)

"He hit Thomas square on with his side." -- Pam Ward (via Sctvman)

"That timeout did the Nebraska defense a huge favor." -- Craig James calling the Arizona State-Wisconsin game. (via Eric Sorenson)

"For Florida to win the championship, you have to make short-yardage plays." -- Gary Danielson (via Sctvman)

"When you have the public media and the Tweeting and everyone has iPhones, that arrest number is shocking." -- Gary Danielson (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"It's the cardinal and gold versus the maroon and gold in downtown Minneapolis." -- Dave Lamont (via Sctvman)

"Lane Kiffin is the guy in the drive through getting coffee spilled on his lap." -- Dave Lamont

"This guy could get touchbacks in Canada." -- Pam Ward (there are no touchbacks in Canada, but she did correct herself).

"You know guys, I like this Ark...Ark... Arkan... sas ball...ar...club." -- Bob Griese

"The play here is vision." -- Chris Spielman

"Nice to see Joe [Montana] too. He's getting gray; I like that." -- Brad Nessler followed by some awkward silence.

"He keeps jumping up & down moving that hand saying, 'ow! ow! ow!" so I can't tell what's wrong, but it doesn't look good for Armando Allen." -- Holly Rowe

"Everybody's an expert..." -- Brad Nessler as camera shows fan arguing a call

"If you see anymore guts than that all year, give me a call." -- Brad Nessler

"There's some conTusion on USC's defense." -- Dave Lamont

"No sign of the field goal team." -- Mike Patrick on third down (via Sctvman)

"Looks like your 9-iron." -- Verne Lundquist after a field goal curved in. (via JFein)

"Here's the first snap. A little bit outside, as Bob Uecker used to say." -- Gary Danielson (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Gordon just out-athletic'd Florida on that play -- Gary Danielson
"I'm glad you went with out-athletic'd instead of out-physical'd" -- Verne Lundquist (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Michigan was down to a team, UMass, in the Championship Series." -- Pam Ward (via Sctvman)

"Dirty Laundry on the field." -- Mike Belotti (via Sctvman)

"When you get in the red zone, the field becomes more wider than it does vertically." -- Chris Martin (via mcnealc31)

"Squirts out there, then he becomes Leo DiCaprio...catch me if you can." -- Chris Martin (via mcnealc31)

"Since then (stat shows 3/9 passing) wow 30%. Wait.. a little less than that. 33%." -- Chris Martin (via mcnealc31)

"Frankie Hammond Jr.! Off the suspended list!" -- Verne Lundquist (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"And that will do it for the first quarter." -- Roger Twibel after the 3rd quarter. (via The Real Randy Jackson)

"I'm familiar with this intentional grounding stuff." -- Gary Danielson (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Throws it deep..." -- Vern Lundquist referring to TD from 9-yard line. (via B-Flo)

"What you want to do is squeeze him from the side and shut the front door." -- Kelly Stouffer (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"We call that the dead leg. He gave him the dead leg and snuck on in there." -- Robert Smith (via JFein)

"There's been some Major League hittin' going on in this game. This one's not for sissies, this game." -- Brent Musbuger (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Newton is banged and he's not going to get it." -- Brent Musburger (via JFein)

"Goodbye Stephon Gilmore, hello endzone." -- Andy Demetra (via Sctvman)

"We have four children. All of them are girls, except two" -- Lou Holtz

"Michael Floyd wants a slopppy burger named after him and I immediately thought of you (Blackledge)." -- Brad Nessler (via 49er16)

"Mike Stoops is on some Red Bull, chased by expresso." -- Mark Jones (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"I've never seen a thermometer block a punt, throw an INT that was returned for a TD, or let them have a kickoff return for a TD." -- Bob Davie
"Never time we do the thermometer we're gonna go buy a big time thermometer. That one came from a local thrift shop. I'm not sure of the credibility of that thermometer." (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"It was well played by Notre Dame. They defended it very, very well. There was nobody that came free." -- Lou Holtz on MSU's fake FG in OT

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Your 2010 Pam Ward Chronicles: Week 2

Written by AA on 11 September 2010.

There were four games Thursday and Friday, but I feel like the announcers got off easy. Especially you, Beth Mowins.

Here is the Week 2 announcing schedule. Leave what you hear on Saturday in the comments. We'll probably update as the day progresses. Here's the little we have right now, and oh yeah, let's not forget 9/11/:

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"That was a Vlade Divac flop right there from Lewis." -- Rece Davis, after a headbutt (via Sctvman)

"My legs are sore, but I can't feel them." -- Craig James (via Sctvman & vhdawg)

"He's got the pants so far." -- Craig James after Jesse Palmer says "somebody wants to be player of the game." (I forget who this referenced.)

"Earlier, everything was lining up. Unfortunately, this did not line up." -- Joe Tessitore on Marshall's missed FG in OT

"Edwards again got behind the secondary and howls it in." -- Beth Mowins after Edwards jumped, while in front of the secondary, and caught a deep pass. I think she was trying to say "hauls it in," but it sounded an awfully lot like "howls."

"Pounding the defense." -- Beth Mowins

"And it's True" -- Rob Stone on made FG

"Lattimore against Rambo, and this time the solder lost... Rambo didn't make it." -- Mark Jones

"I'd step right on his head, Bob." -- Chris Spielman

Bob Davie spent an entire challenge explaining why it was a good challenge. The call was not overturned. Derp.

Dave Pasch: "Guys, what's going on with Florida?" Bob Griese: "It's the Tebow effect."

"Nice job of pentration by ____ coming from the backside." -- Chris Spielman

"If you're the underdog on the road, what you want are some turnovers and...and..and you have a couple of those. 4th down... stays, right here. Another conversion that turns... changes the ball over to your, so if you're on the road." -- Bob Griese, verbatim.

"The defense under the stewardship of firs-year coordinator Todd Grantham." -- Mark Jones (via Sctvman)

"A place they affectionately refer to as Famously Hot. It's famously hot right now in the stadium here, Bob." -- Mark Jones (via Sctvman & JFein)

"A gradient day in Columbia." --Mark Jones (via Sctvman)

"This South Carolina offense is just out-phyiscalling this Georgia defense right now." -- Bob Davie (via @seahawkaddicts)

"It never seems like Florida can stream together 3, 4, 5 plays without making a miscue." --Dave Neal (via Sctvman)

"Steve Spurrier using the tools in his toolbox. Different set of tools this time." -- Mark Jones (via Sctvman)

"Sometimes when you see blitz, you get ants in your pants." -- Chris Spielman (via Dazzle)

"Time winding down on the shot clock." -- Mark Jones (via Sctvman & YieldToFrump)

"They've gotten some players from SC. Darn right." -- Bob Davie (via Sctvman)

"A cataclysmic turnover." -- Mark Jones (via Sctvman)

"They watching from all corners of Columbia. High, far." -- Mark Jones (via Sctvman)

"Biggest drive of the night for Virginia Tech coming up." -- Dave Weekley in the daytime. (via Sctvman)

"He's got a Bill Cowher chin there." -- Dave Weekley (via Sctvman)

"They are about six inches away from putting this game in the barn." -- Dave Weekley (via Sctvman)

"Terrence Ashe just got his buddy blown up." -- Jeremy Bloom (via Sctvman)

"If you're driving our Dodge out there, you mashed your gas pedal because you were going too fast." -- Brad Nessler (via Sctvman)

"I wanted to wear that today." -- Brad Nessler on green rain suit. (via Sctvman)

BASEBALL QUOTE!

"I was just thinking, in a couple months time, Jayson will find out what he is worth." -- Tim McCarver on Jayson Werth's contract situation (via JFein)

"All you do in the FB position is bang heads all day." -- Jeremy Bloom (via Sctvman)

"James Madison's best work since the Federalist Papers." -- Rece Davis (via Sctvman)

"As our old friend Hank Stram said, they're going left, Jack, they're going left, Jack." -- Brad Nessler on NASCAR (via Sctvman)

"We welcome two of the bluest of bloods." -- Brent Musburger (via Sctvman)

"He came in motion." -- Kirk Herbstreit with a TWSS (via JFein)

"Polk is great with the YAC... yards after (pause) tackle." -- Tom Glasgow (via kblinco)

"He can run a 4.4 forty in flip-flops." -- Chris Martin (via Dazzle)

"He will throw this away and live to play another down." -- Brent Musburger (via Sctvman)

"McElroy went to the hot spot beautifully." -- Brent Musburger (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Mee-chigan hangs on." -- Rece Davis (via JFein)

"There is no tonic to cure that ailment. They want to hit people." -- Brian Griese (via Sctvman)

"If this had been back in the day, Mark would say, 'Mom! Make him stop! Get Bob off of me.'" -- Rece Davis on the Stoops brothers facing off (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"I have seen the mustache. He would have more hair on his lip than he did on his head." -- Craig James on Berman's mustache (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"ACC stands for Awful Coast Conference." -- Rece Davis (via Sctvman)

"Ohio State out-physicalled Miami." -- Mike Patrick (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"The Cavaliers are stepping on their own parts right now." -- Barry Tompkins (?) (via TheRealShaqBlog)

"This game is encouraging for Notre Dame's defense." -- Lou Holtz, 100% serious after Denard Robinson racked up 502 yards himself. May, with the rest of the world, rolls his eyes. (via Joshuaishere)

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The 2010 Pam Ward Chronicles: Week 1

Written by Packey on 04 September 2010.

As Brian Powell promised yesterday, the Pammies are back. They're back so hard that you're going to start seeing Pam Ward's mug in places you didn't see it before.

Seeing as it's Labor Day weekend, a lot of us have guests in town/are going out of town, and I don't know about you, but I don't have guests huddle around me on a computer (or I try to keep it to a minimum). Updates will come, but bear with us if they're not half-hourly. In the meantime, leave anything you have in the comments.

Here is your week 1 announcing schedule. I'll get things started with quotes from Thursday's games.

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"Brian Maddox, 1st carry of the season and he's snowed under" -- Rece Davis comes out of the gate strong with the obscure idiom/Keane song.

"They have a turnover goal and it is BIG!" -- Craig James

"This South Carolina offense is discombobulated." -- Rece Davis after SC's first possession of the season.

"South Carolina has its initial first down of the season." -- Rece Davis after SC's fifth offensive play from scrimmage of the season.

"Asiata might be the hot back." -- Kelly Stouffer

"Terrelle Pryor with his first TD of the year." -- VERSUS' Craig Hummer showing highlights of Pryor's second TD of the year, and his name is "Hummer."

"The rub is actually rubbing the cover guy." -- Kelly Stouffer describing the rub play.

"Bang!" -- Craig James

"He plays behind his pads. He keeps his pad level even, and he has a constant motor to keep plowing north. " -- Jesse Palmer on Marcus Lattimore with Craig James in the background saying "whew!" every other word.

"Dion Lewis is getting up inside of his backside." -- Kelly Stouffer

"Disorder, confusion, chaos. They do it all." -- Joe Beninatti on Utah's fans. Note: At the end of the 1st half he similarly used three synonyms to describe Utah's first half effort.

"Have you ever seen something like this?" -- Joe Beninatti after Pitt. made a game-tying FG, but Utah pulled the ol' timeout trick. Pitt. then missed a FG, but Utah pulled the trick again, stabbing themselves in the foot. Finally, Pitt. made the third FG try, sending the game to OT.

"That rainbow looks like it has USC colors in it." -- Mark Jones

"I disagree. It creates a frenzied atmosphere even more so. I think it works to Hawaii's advantage. Granted, it took away a TD, there's a frenzy created in this stadium. Granted, they lost four points there, maybe." -- Bob Davie, utterly incomprehensible and disagreeing with Mark Jones in that Hawaii losing a TD at the end of the 1st half hurt. In short, yes, it hurt.

“They are going to go for two, because that makes it an 11 point game, which is a touchdown, a 2-point conversion, and a field goal so if they make it they get it to a potential two score game.” -- Bob Davie debating if Hawaii should go for two in a 49-36 game that USC leads with 3:52 left. (via Brady Green)

FROM THE COMMENTS:

"Samford? Samford and Son, Labor Day Weekend." -- Desmond Howard (via Sctvman)

"They're using the pistol offense and they have plenty of bullets."-- Lee Corso on UCLA (via 49er16)

"Jacobs got to bring his arms and make the tackle." -- Chris Spielman (via Sctvman)

"Kellen Moore? All he does is win, win, win. All he does is win, win win." -- Charles Neal during Delaware St./Southern

Chris Spielman: "Sneaking in there, 007 style." Bob Griese: "Sneaking in 007 style? He's in midseason form." Spielman: "I could have gone in Inspector Gadget form there." (via Sctvman and 49er16)

"Miami strikes first! 3-0 Redhawks." -- Dave Pasch (?) (via Sctvman)

"Urban is getting that stress test early."-- Chris Spielman (via 49er16)

Dave Pasch: "Other than Florida turning the ball over, what would you say is the biggest surprise so far?" Bob Griese: "I think it's the fact that Florida has turned the ball over twice so far. Pasch: (slight pause) other than that... (via Hap)

"They're batting 8-5% on bad snaps." --Chris Spielman on Florida (via Sctvman)

"Another fumble! Miami takes over on downs." -- Dave Pasch (via Sctvman)

"It is unexcusable." -- Andre Ware (via Sctvman)

"He could pick a Volkswagen over his head and ground beef."-- Dave Lapham making no sense (via 49er16).

"That's the play Tebow would have run if he would have been here." -- Bob Griese (via JFein)

"This is football, not horseshoes."-- Dave Popkin calling the Weber State-Boston College game on ESPN3. (via 49er16).

"You need a sense of urgency here, but take your time."-- Chris Spielman (via AA)

"They (Illinois) have a quad formation, we have a quad-show (quadruple-header next week)." -- Dave Lapham (via Sctvman)

"He gets those YACs" -- Dave Popkin (via Sctvman)

"For Dysart it's like he's throwing a rock in Ada, OH at Ada Park." -- Chris Spielman

"Who'll get the first crack at sudden victory?" -- Joe Beninati before Thursday night's overtime game between Utah/Pitt. (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Brian Kelly is the guy in charge of putting the fight back in the Irish." -- Tom Hammond (via 49er16).

"It comes off his hand pretty pretty." -- Dave Lapham (via Dazzle)

"I think that's the Shankopotamus kid." -- Brock Huard on kid waving to the camera (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Will they go to the 250-pound Johnson?" -- Ron Franklin (via John Danknich)

"That guy, right there, Denard Robinson..." -- Matt Millen as the camera shows a shot of DB JT Floyd (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Hey Marvin (UNC DT Austin): Get yourself a sign that says 'Don't Drink & Twitter.' Put it up on a billboard." -- Brent Musburger (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"2-2 with a touchdown. You can't beat that." -- Shaun King on Stony Brook/USF (via Sctvman)

"One of the best hand jobs we've seen from a quarterback today." -- Brad Nessler (via Dazzle)

"Butch Jones is one of the rock stars of college football of coaching right now." -- Trent Dilfer (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"Aspeaking of Orel Hershiser, how about the Cincinnati Reds?" -- Kirk Herbstreit because, you know, Orel Hershiser played three seasons with the Indians. (via JFein).

Eric Collins: "I saw Dhani Jones in the Cincinnati airport last year - he must have had a 900 page book under his arm."

Chris Martin: "Did it have a lot of pictures in it?" (via SpartanNation)

"As he pulled out, did not have control." -- Brent Musberger, after the UNC QB fumbled a handoff to the running back. (via Tom Green, PA)

Beninati: "Bielema likes to call (Sidney White) 'Giggles.'"
Stouffer: "I might start calling you giggles." (via Rick James Bible Owner)

"He should've taken the sack." -- Pam Ward on North Texas QB Namath Tune "In Three Notes" on a deflected pass (via James Russel Craven)

"This will be a very pro-Hokie crowd here tonight." -- Brent Musburger on Hokies fans at (pretty much) a Hokies home game against Boise State.

"The goal of the Notre Dame offense is to score points this year." -- Tom Hammond (via @kevinheaslip)

"We come to you from the nation's capital on this great holiday weekend" -- Brent Musburger BSU v VT in Landover, MD (via @DCyetti)

"He's putting the impact in impact player!" -- Mark Jones after Brian Duncan made sacked the SMU QB on 4th down to clinch the game for Texas Tech. (via JFein)

"Looking at Kyle Padron, a guy who hasn't been able to play the last couple of games of the ballgame." -- Mark James (via JFein)

"They never screw up. That comes with serving our country. They are not allowed to make a mistake." --Mike Patrick talking about how Navy was the least penalized team in college football last year. (via JFein).

"A Lacerated anything does not sound good." -- Mike Patrick after talking about a Navy player laceratinga spleen in a skiing accident. (via Benjamin P. Glaser)

"Navy trying to draw them off" -- Mike Patrick on 4th and 8 (via SkinsCapsTerps)

"Take him to the shower and see if he has a rasberry on his knee." -- Craig James (via Dazzle)

"This could be another mistake by Texas Tech, er, Virginia Tech." -- Brent Musburger

"Cinderella lives, ladies and gentlemen." -- Brent Musburger

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